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July 2016

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Today, my son finally got a job for the first time in his life. He only did it so he can upgrade his PC and buy Overwatch. He's 24. FML

by Anonymous / 07/11/2016 at 3:58am / Bulgaria (Grad Sofiya) / Kids

Today, while driving I saw a police car riding along next to me. Thinking about the news recently, I decided to give him a quick thumbs up and a smile to lighten up his day. He looks back, smiles, flips on his siren, and pulls me over for not paying attention to the road. FML

by TheIrony / 07/19/2016 at 5:50pm / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I sent my boyfriend a selfie where I used the Snapchat face-swap to put my best friend's face on mine. My boyfriend didn't notice and texted back, 'Wow, so beautiful!' FML

by Catnip / 06/30/2016 at 7:42pm / Germany (Hessen) / Love

Today, I was kissing my crush for the first time and her tooth fell out into my mouth. FML

by drpepperking10 / 07/02/2016 at 7:27pm / United States / Love

Today, me and my dad were in a sort of prank war. I decided to get him back for one last time tonight, so I hid in his office to scare him. This would have been okay had I not caught him watching porn. I had to hide for an hour. FML

by ObviousBooty / 07/17/2016 at 3:31am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to stop by a drive-thru on the way to his place. I asked him to order a Coke for me, at which point he asked if I wanted to make it a Diet Coke. FML

by goldendarkness / 07/08/2016 at 9:34pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally got my fussy newborn back to sleep after the creaking of my chair woke her. I then crept two rooms over and opened a pack of chips, the crinkle of which woke her again. FML

by Anonymous / 07/15/2016 at 12:14pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, unfortunately, my new husband's idea of foreplay is to tap me on the shoulder and tell me to roll over. I saved myself for marriage for this? FML

by Rover / 07/11/2016 at 3:03pm / Intimacy

Today, I was checking my kitten's neutering stitches when he farted so hard that a stray piece of cat shit shot out and hit me in the eye. FML

by BodyElectric / 07/26/2016 at 1:06am / Animals

Today, my friend and I were brushing our teeth, standing side by side. We both have a sympathy gag reflex. He brushed his tongue and gagged, which caused me to gag. So we had a never ending gag-fest until we both began throwing up and couldn't stop until one of us could manage to hold it in. FML

by StateOfEuphoria / 07/24/2016 at 6:52pm / United States (Mississippi) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I told my boyfriend I'll be moving to a different state in a few months for a new job. He now refers to me as his "girlfriend for now". FML

by mulligan / 07/07/2016 at 1:38pm / United States / Love

Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML

by jaqlove / 07/02/2016 at 4:28pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, just like the past 2 weeks, I'm so broke that I only got to eat dinner because I went on a first date with a guy from Tinder. FML

by broke / 07/09/2016 at 3:36am / Money