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May 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I had the most rancid fart. My dog woke up from his nap and bit me as punishment. FML

#21412078
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24814) - you deserved it (7054)

On 05/18/2015 at 4:40pm - misc - by Swabidizop - United States (Colorado)

Today, during a very stressful and busy day at work, I took a bathroom break. Unfortunately, of all the things on my mind, taking down my pants before emptying my bladder wasn't one of them. FML

#21407716
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27976) - you deserved it (6995)

On 05/10/2015 at 10:34am - misc - by pissed (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I fell asleep while working the night shift. It took me 3 hours and a whole lot of dirty looks while walking home before I looked in a mirror and saw my cockbite of a coworker had drawn a swastika on my forehead while I was asleep. FML

#21406740
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24031) - you deserved it (6740)

On 05/08/2015 at 11:44am - work - by pop, pop (man) - United States (California)

Today, my 14-year-old daughter told me she's pregnant and plans on dropping out of school to live a life on the road with her boyfriend. FML

#21410693
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38792) - you deserved it (6407)

On 05/15/2015 at 8:50pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got stopped by people asking for donations for their charity services. Being who I am, I hate saying no to people, so I told them "I don't have any money, only my card." Did you know they also accept payment by card? FML

#21412233
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25559) - you deserved it (6324)

On 05/18/2015 at 9:22pm - money - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was out with my youngest cousin and we had to stop for gas. Since he just got his license, I asked if he wanted to pump the gas while I went into the station to get snacks and pay. He pumped my car full of diesel. FML

#21406178
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28427) - you deserved it (6264)

On 05/07/2015 at 11:45am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I decided to impress my friends by doing a flip on the trampoline. What did impress them, was my lack of tears after I hit the edge of the trampoline and broke my nose. FML

#21411404
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23660) - you deserved it (6163)

On 05/17/2015 at 10:05am - health - by no more flips - United States (Ohio)

Today, I realized I get more pleasure watching YouTube videos of people lighting their farts on fire than I do from making love to my husband. FML

#21403333
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25039) - you deserved it (6039)

On 05/02/2015 at 10:23am - intimacy - by wellfuck (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, during a driving lesson, I stopped behind a taxi, and got more and more annoyed when the traffic wouldn't move. A few minutes later, my instructor couldn't hold his laughter any more and pointed out I'd somehow zoned out and entered a taxi rank. FML

#21414941
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22778) - you deserved it (5938)

On 05/24/2015 at 12:56pm - misc - by kalvin (man) - United Kingdom (Leeds)

Today, for our anniversary, I had made a small treasure hunt for my boyfriend, tying roses with notes of poetry to lampposts across campus to lead him to where we would have a romantic dinner. He couldn't find it because people had stolen the roses, or simply ripped them to pieces and thrown them away. FML

#21417526
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22314) - you deserved it (5875)

On 05/29/2015 at 9:04am - love - by Headless (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, my little cousin was helping me wash my car. After scrubbing all the dirt, I gave him the hose and said, "Okay, now rinse off this disgusting thing." He turned the hose on me. FML

#21409816
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23673) - you deserved it (5809)

On 05/14/2015 at 12:26am - kids - by ptarr12345 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, in bare consciousness, I found out what it feels like to be stabbed in the hand with an earring. How? By slamming my hand on the snooze button of my alarm and missing horribly. FML

#21411522
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24199) - you deserved it (5756)

On 05/17/2015 at 3:32pm - misc - by norpedo (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I called 911 to report a drunk driver. The operator yelled at me for following the guy and told me to get off the phone because I shouldn't be driving with a phone to my ear. FML

#21416830
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22734) - you deserved it (5595)

On 05/27/2015 at 9:28pm - misc - by drivingmecrazy - United States (California)



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  • It's the weekend so let's plaster on a fake smile and plough through this shit one more time. Sorry, I was channelling Bill Hicks there. I'll start again. Hi everyone, how are you doing? This week…

Friday 29 May 2015

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