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April 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was working at a coffee shop. I was serving a customer when a cockroach appeared out of nowhere, and I screamed. Customers aren't supposed to know about the bugs so I had to lie and say I spilled coffee on myself, and served the customer while I felt the bug climbing up my leg. FML

Today, I went to get an ultrasound done. I texted my ex, who's the father, and told him how adorable its little feet are, and asked him why he didn't come. I got a reply with two words: "DNA test". FML

#21118642
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30213) - you deserved it (8111)

On 04/21/2014 at 12:03am - kids - by kelly.duggan (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML

#21111156
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33463) - you deserved it (7772)

On 04/12/2014 at 2:07pm - misc - by traumatized (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I joked to a client that every time I see his name, I start singing the song 'Dr Jones' by Aqua. He looked blankly at me, so I broke into song, 'Dr Jones, Dr Jones, calling Dr Jones... ' He still looked blankly, but now also utterly horrified, as were the rest of the waiting room. FML

#21119159
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24276) - you deserved it (7786)

On 04/21/2014 at 5:26pm - work - by banana_tree - United Kingdom

Today, at my wedding, my husband stood up to give a speech. It started out beautiful, until he told everyone how he started to fall in love with me after I blew him on our first date. FML

#21118892
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35251) - you deserved it (7516)

On 04/21/2014 at 11:43am - intimacy - by Sue Ellen (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, after years of marriage and my lazy husband letting himself go, I can now finish a bottle of wine and still be sober. This means I've built immunity to the last thing that can make me want to have sex with him. FML

#21119490
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31376) - you deserved it (7462)

On 04/21/2014 at 11:00pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my friend saw a stamp on my hand and asked me which club I had gone to last night. I was so desperate to seem cool that I lied, instead of admitting it was actually from a children's play group that I took my kids to. FML

#21105342
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30684) - you deserved it (7348)

On 04/05/2014 at 6:05pm - kids - by lamemom - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, I took my kids to an Easter party hosted by a local church. The nice lady in charge told the kids, "Jesus died, but He rose to life again!" My 9 year old screamed, "LIKE A ZOMBIE!" FML

#21116666
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34832) - you deserved it (6602)

On 04/18/2014 at 8:14pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found out that even though my girlfriend of 3 years believes sex before marriage or even me just jacking off is a big no, doing online strip-shows for money is a big yes for her. Both times that I've proposed, she claimed she isn't "ready" for marriage. FML

#21118108
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34743) - you deserved it (6584)

On 04/20/2014 at 1:58pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Wigan)

Today, I woke up again to a warm trickling sensation on my neck. It would seem my rabbit has a thing for doing his business on me to wake me up. FML

#21103637
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33731) - you deserved it (6351)

On 04/03/2014 at 12:36pm - animals - by Cali girl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was eating an apple in class. When I went to take a big bite, my teeth went right through the apple, causing me to scrape the apple right up my face. My nose then started to bleed. I'm now known as the girl who punched herself in the face with an apple. FML

#21114169
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35910) - you deserved it (6220)

On 04/15/2014 at 10:48pm - health - by Nose bleed - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my boyfriend stayed over at my place for the first time. I left him in the bedroom for a couple of minutes while I used the toilet, and when I came back, he was holding my vibrator. He angrily asked me, "What the hell is this? You know this is cheating, right?" FML

#21113687
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43689) - you deserved it (6202)

On 04/15/2014 at 12:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while I was waiting for the bus, I was whistling. I saw a cute girl running and I looked at my phone so it didn't seem too awkward. I was still whistling as she passed by so it sounded like I whistled at her. She ran back to slap me. FML

#21113376
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35421) - you deserved it (5952)

On 04/15/2014 at 12:24am - misc - by heycutie - United States (Michigan)



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