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May 2016

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Today, my dad mentioned how quickly I go through batteries. I've been single and celibate since I moved back home 11 months ago. He doesn't realize this and keeps asking about "missing" batteries. FML

by thundermoo / 05/27/2016 at 12:13pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I fistbumped a cashier as they tried to hand me my change. FML

by sociallyawkward / 05/18/2016 at 9:52pm / United States (Georgia) / Money

Today, I had to sit through the wedding of my best friend and the love of my life, and pretend to be happy for them. FML

by Anonymous / 05/16/2016 at 12:48am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, the canteen of the company I work for introduced a cash-less payment method to purchase food. To use it, employees must download the app, which is only available for iPhones. I have a BlackBerry. FML

by Katyness / 05/10/2016 at 4:20pm / United Kingdom / Work

Today, my wife wanted to have a threesome. During our honeymoon. With the maid of honor. I didn't sign up for this. FML

by JustMarried / 05/07/2016 at 5:47pm / Ukraine / Intimacy

Today, I locked my keys in my car. I had a spare key in my wallet, that I also left in the car. FML

by seththing / 05/21/2016 at 11:49pm / Transportation

Today, the only part of my Psychology final that I was 100% confident in was my name. FML

by canwesayfail / 05/17/2016 at 10:20pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, it was my second day working as a cashier in a drug store. I thought everything went great, but by the end of my shift, my cash register was $10 short. Maybe it wouldn't be that bad if on my first day it hadn't been $30 short. FML

by TheNewCashierInTown / 05/23/2016 at 3:30pm / Canada (Quebec) / Work

Today, I was babysitting a 6 year-old and a 9 year-old. After they went to bed, I started working on a project for on my laptop that was due in 12 hours and fell asleep. I woke up to a dog licking my peanut buttered keyboard and the two kids sitting in the corner giggling. FML

by Kendall14159 / 05/21/2016 at 10:14pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, I woke up at 6:30 this morning, but I didn't have to be at work till 11. I walked the dog, made breakfast and read for a little bit. I then woke up again at 11:30. FML

by Seriouslynow / 05/22/2016 at 1:55pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I decided to make the switch from pads to tampons. My boyfriend ended up having to show me how to apply them. FML

by Anonymous / 05/29/2016 at 11:15am / Denmark / Miscellaneous

Today, I heard on television that a body was found in my city's water reservoir. Word is that it was dead for over a week. I've been drinking and showering with that water. FML

by filipkm / 05/06/2016 at 10:37am / Slovenia (Ljubljana) / Health

Today, I found out that my daughter not only has a boyfriend, but that they're trying for a baby. She's barely 15. FML

by Anonymous / 05/04/2016 at 10:15am / United Kingdom (Cornwall) / Kids