Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

January 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I bit into a piece of homegrown lettuce from my garden. Apparently, I'm not the only one to enjoy my produce, because I took a bite out of a small caterpillar. FML

#21330219
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28103) - you deserved it (8991)

On 01/03/2015 at 8:42pm - misc - by Malina - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I tried to manscape with some Nair. Nothing helps the pain. FML

#21337697
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22353) - you deserved it (8747)

On 01/15/2015 at 4:05pm - misc - by NairyAGoodIdea (man) - United States

Today, I was diagnosed with gonorrhea. My dad's reaction was to slowly clap at the news then giggle at his own joke. FML

#21342311
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25922) - you deserved it (8747)

On 01/22/2015 at 3:23pm - health - by annoyed (man) - United States (California)

Today, while begging my wife for sex for once, she told me she didn't have time. I said it wouldn't take long. She said "I know." FML

#21341633
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28682) - you deserved it (8728)

On 01/21/2015 at 2:06pm - intimacy - by cuckolddreams - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I got shitfaced at a club. A cute girl I'd met earlier in the evening offered to drive me home in my car and spend the night with me. She crashed my car and did a runner before the cops showed up. They wouldn't believe my story. I now have a wrecked car and a DUI. FML

#21329473
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29076) - you deserved it (8586)

On 01/02/2015 at 5:14pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Maryland)

Today, I accidentally spilled a big glass of water on the table, where I had some papers, my cellphone, and a box of donuts. With lightning reflexes, my sister heroically jumped forward and saved the donuts. FML

#21338246
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25980) - you deserved it (8567)

On 01/16/2015 at 12:09pm - misc - by phones - United States

Today, my girlfriend asked me not to love her so much, so she doesn't have to try so hard to match my love for her. What the fuck? FML

#21338940
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26988) - you deserved it (8499)

On 01/17/2015 at 2:00pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I thought one of my flatmates was beating his girlfriend, so I barged in about to stop him. Turned out they were having really rough sex. FML

Today, my boyfriend told me he'd come over and help me move a heavy dresser so I could paint the wall behind it. After an hour of waiting for him, I decided to move it myself. He finally arrived, not ten minutes after I broke my toe when I accidentally dropped the dresser on it. FML

#21330063
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25589) - you deserved it (8340)

On 01/03/2015 at 12:53pm - health - by ko (woman) -

Today, my boyfriend and I were going to sext before going to sleep. It was very late, but I said I'd stay up for him. He sent a text asking me if I was ready. Me replying "yes" was the last thing I remember before I fell asleep on my horny boyfriend. FML

#21334154
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27335) - you deserved it (8001)

On 01/09/2015 at 9:13pm - intimacy - by anon (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to a job interview. It was my last shot of getting a job before my savings run dry. It all went well until I was asked why I wanted to join the company. I got flustered and stuttered, "Because I um, I like money?" The guy gave me the most insincere "We'll be in touch." ever. FML

#21339665
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25804) - you deserved it (7980)

On 01/18/2015 at 4:29pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday, so I decided to take her to a fancy restaurant and give her an expensive $400 necklace that I had bought. Being traditional, I asked the waiter to arrange it nicely on the tray when he came with our dessert. Neither he nor the necklace ever showed up. FML

#21329874
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39872) - you deserved it (7965)

On 01/03/2015 at 5:48am - love - by JJ_V3N0M - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first handjob. I was nervous, so when she went to do it, I panicked and yelled, "Firmly grasp it!" She then couldn't stop laughing because it was a line from SpongeBob. FML



Idan Schneider's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • The Best of the Worst #11
  • Yes, we're late. We've been doing stuff, the New Year and our birthday party got in the way, but there's no excuse. So, we're sorry for not churning out another Best of the Worst in due…

Wednesday 28 January 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: