Choose the period

All time / Top of the month / Top of the week / Top of the day
October 2016

Choose a category

Today, I accidentally shut the door on someone who was walking behind me. After he opened the door, I turned, looked him sincerely in the eye and said, "Suffering". I meant to say sorry. FML

by Crawlinginmymemes / 10/02/2016 at 2:46pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized how stagnant my life has become when, while eating some leftover salad with crackers I'd left out the night before, I decided to open some new crackers and put them with the stale, and giggled to myself about the excitement of "cracker roulette." FML

by amandanoelle / 10/09/2016 at 2:42am / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out the hard way that if you leave your sheets on the washing line too long, spiders will go and make their new home in them. FML

by spider-sarah / 10/08/2016 at 5:35am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had my wedding at 11 a.m. so that I could spend a lot of time with my friends and family. Everyone left within 4 hours. FML

by Sadwife / 10/06/2016 at 1:36pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, I started packing up the flat I have been renting. As I took a picture off the wall I also ripped half the wallpaper. That's my deposit gone. FML

by scottyboy / 10/01/2016 at 3:58am / Money

Today, a classmate found out I have a boyfriend. He said, "Really? YOU??" FML

by Anonymous / 10/08/2016 at 9:20am / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, I narrowly avoided a head-on collision in the parking garage. The other driver cussed me out. It's a one-way route through the parking garage, and I was going the right way. FML

by DC / 10/11/2016 at 9:41am / United States (Iowa) / Transportation

Today, I was syphoning some gas from my truck to my friend's car just enough to get to the gas station. I told my friend to let me know when the gas was coming; he said, "Alright." Suddenly, I got a mouth full of gas because he was on his phone taking a video of me. He got the whole thing. FML

by crazytortise / 10/05/2016 at 10:40pm / United States / Transportation

Today, I got up early for a doctor's appointment and chugged two cups of coffee. Ten minutes before I was supposed to leave, my doctor calls asking to reschedule, which would have been fine had I not cleared my whole day for this appointment. Now I'm too wired to go back to bed. FML

by KitKat20 / 10/18/2016 at 9:05am / United States (North Dakota) / Work

Today, I found out how my salesmen are "entertaining" themselves since they were told they can't have their cell phones on them. They are pulling straws to see who will pretend to trip and fall face-first onto the floor in front of customers. FML

by bossproblems / 10/17/2016 at 2:47pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I told my boyfriend the exact moment I fell in love with him: when we made eye contact in a crowd on our fifth date. He asked if I wanted to know what he was thinking at that moment. I then found out it was, "I really hope she can't smell that fart." FML

by saashtow / 10/07/2016 at 1:00am / United States (Georgia) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my math teacher explained his concern for how "clipboard" should be pronounced similar to "cupboard." I thought he was crazy. I then later found myself saying it the new way to my mother. FML

by Confused Clipboard / 10/19/2016 at 10:41am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was house-hunting online. I was becoming increasingly discouraged and began to look for mini-houses in absurd desperation. I noticed the Google sidebar advertising a cute mini house within my budget. Excited, I clicked on the ad - only to discover it was an ad for a child's playhouse. FML

by Nohouseforme / 10/07/2016 at 1:38am / United States (Arizona) / Money