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April 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I met up with an old friend of mine who acts in a TV show. I hadn't seen him in a long time, but I'd been watching episodes of the show almost daily, so when he showed up I could only see him as his TV character and not as my friend. I ended up calling him by his character's name. FML

#21114249
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30357) - you deserved it (8817)

On 04/16/2014 at 12:13am - misc - by Confused (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my students all handed in their 1,000 word papers. The assignment was for them to write about a strong, benevolent leader who influenced the world. Around half of the papers were about Hitler. FML

#21102694
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37932) - you deserved it (8648)

On 04/02/2014 at 7:30am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was working at a coffee shop. I was serving a customer when a cockroach appeared out of nowhere, and I screamed. Customers aren't supposed to know about the bugs so I had to lie and say I spilled coffee on myself, and served the customer while I felt the bug climbing up my leg. FML

Today, my professor ran half a mile in the pouring rain just to return my cell phone, which I had left behind in lecture. Shocked and embarrassed, I exclaimed, "You shouldn't have!" "Damn right," he responded, "I'm 64 years old." FML

#21113974
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29215) - you deserved it (8192)

On 04/15/2014 at 7:18pm - work - by sad but true. - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was feeling horny, so I told my boyfriend, who lives 30 minutes away, that "I really needed him". He replied, "Did you fall in the toilet again?" FML

#21107872
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38462) - you deserved it (8151)

On 04/08/2014 at 7:06pm - intimacy - by that girl (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML

#21111156
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31741) - you deserved it (7442)

On 04/12/2014 at 2:07pm - misc - by traumatized (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my friend saw a stamp on my hand and asked me which club I had gone to last night. I was so desperate to seem cool that I lied, instead of admitting it was actually from a children's play group that I took my kids to. FML

#21105342
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30320) - you deserved it (7315)

On 04/05/2014 at 6:05pm - kids - by lamemom - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, I woke up again to a warm trickling sensation on my neck. It would seem my rabbit has a thing for doing his business on me to wake me up. FML

#21103637
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33425) - you deserved it (6332)

On 04/03/2014 at 12:36pm - animals - by Cali girl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I realized how boring and sexually deprived my life is when I found a gas station ten cents cheaper than the one I usually use. It gave me both an asthma attack and an erection, simultaneously. FML

#21107421
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39670) - you deserved it (5696)

On 04/08/2014 at 3:56am - misc - by the long distance guy - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky, and I whispered that I love him. He immediately lost his boner, and a few minutes later "remembered" he had to be somewhere else. FML

#21111270
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38280) - you deserved it (5650)

On 04/12/2014 at 5:01pm - animals - by princess (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to my crush's house. We were watching a movie when suddenly he started kissing me. As it deepened he began to feel around. He was groping my armpit the whole time but I was too embarrassed that my underarm could pass for my boobs to redirect him. FML

#21104962
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36122) - you deserved it (5443)

On 04/05/2014 at 3:14am - intimacy - by armtits and big pits - United States (Florida)

Today, I witnessed my roommate telling a girl that he has "really healthy shits". I wanted to make fun of him, but he got laid by said girl and I went home to jerk off. FML

#21108665
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34426) - you deserved it (5406)

On 04/09/2014 at 5:12pm - intimacy - by damn (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I met online. Not only was he boring, he twice excused himself to go to the bathroom and both times he came back smelling of weed. FML

#21101191
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36005) - you deserved it (5335)

On 03/31/2014 at 6:05pm - love - by Jaime - United States (New York)



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Thursday 10 April 2014

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