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August 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, at my job as a fast food manager, I saw one of my employees "trying to pick the bugs out" of our cookies. They were the raisins in them. FML

#21234756
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34872) - you deserved it (2997)

On 08/11/2014 at 10:18am - work - by mcmanager - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend got her period. It seemed more painful for her than usual, so I offered to go out and buy some painkillers and maybe some chocolate for her. She thought I was being sarcastic and slapped me so hard I saw stars. FML

#21245120
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33813) - you deserved it (2966)

On 08/25/2014 at 2:58pm - misc - by nhyari (man) - South Africa (Western Cape)

Today, I decided to spend a few days at my grandma's house, to help her clean the place up a bit. So far, she's given me a "no masturbating under my roof" talk, used multiple racist slurs, and yelled "QUIET DOWN!" when I so much as sneezed in the next room. FML

#21234785
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35045) - you deserved it (2963)

On 08/11/2014 at 11:02am - misc - by welptimetoburntheplacedown (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I tasted a perfectly salted, crispy, and dead carpenter ant hidden in my bag of pistachios. FML

#21242612
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31127) - you deserved it (2961)

On 08/21/2014 at 5:48pm - misc - by ReluctantAntEater (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, as I got out the shower, my mom walked in to give me a towel, then quickly covered her eyes and said, "Woah, I almost saw your penis. Good things it's ridiculously small." I had friends over, and I'm pretty sure I'll hear about this for at least the next month. FML

#21246120
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28099) - you deserved it (2969)

On 08/26/2014 at 11:02pm - misc - by WowOuch - United States (Texas)

Today, I was staying in my family friend's house in France. The church bells ring every hour, which I thought was cute. Until 8 this morning where they rang 24 times. FML

#21245620
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25674) - you deserved it (2933)

On 08/26/2014 at 3:48am - misc - by hellangelrose - France

Today, I was taking a customer's order, when she said she'd better go for a salad, because she was getting fat. She was actually very slim, so I told her she wasn't fat at all. She took one look at me and snorted "Yeah, not compared to you, that's for sure." FML

#21245733
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32246) - you deserved it (2912)

On 08/26/2014 at 11:30am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, a customer told my boss I was too pushy because I asked her what bra size she wears. I work at a lingerie store. I got a stern lecture from my boss. FML

#21240726
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37770) - you deserved it (2894)

On 08/18/2014 at 10:59pm - work - by sorrynotsorry (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, it's my birthday. When I asked my mom if we were gonna do anything special for my birthday. She said, "don't lie to me. It's not your birthday." FML

#21238688
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42951) - you deserved it (2891)

On 08/16/2014 at 1:09am - misc - by bad birthdays - United States (California)

Today, a guy took me out on a date. His imaginary friends joined us. FML

#21244154
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35198) - you deserved it (2880)

On 08/24/2014 at 12:14am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, it's my fourth day of my trip to the USA. I've actually started keeping count of the number of times people get confused because I was born in South Africa and yet am not black. Current count: 9. FML

#21245756
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32512) - you deserved it (2861)

On 08/26/2014 at 12:22pm - misc - by WTF, guys? - United States (California)

Today, I had a seizure while at the airport, ready to go on vacation with my family. We ended up missing our flight. My mom spent most of the ride home making cracks about how I'm always ruining things with my "dramatics". Sorry that I have epilepsy, mom. FML

#21232741
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47000) - you deserved it (2846)

On 08/08/2014 at 7:25pm - health - by Anonymous - Sweden (Vasternorrlands Lan)

Today, I woke up to a blood-curdling scream from the living room. I jumped up and went running, only to find out it was my mother, who'd screamed at some dramatic plot twist in a Sex and the City episode. FML

#21243243
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33768) - you deserved it (2835)

On 08/22/2014 at 4:26pm - misc - by leastitwasntsurpriseanal (man) - Canada (Alberta)



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