Today, my mom accused me of being pregnant. She wouldn't believe me when I told her I'm a virgin, and she challenged me to take a pregnancy test. It came back with a false positive. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50900) - you deserved it (3358)
On 05/01/2013 at 1:23pm - health - by DemiRawrs - United States
Today, I went into the men's restroom and started peeing in a urinal next to a middle-age man. As he zipped up and walked away, he said to me, "Don't worry, it'll grow." FML
I agree, your life sucks (35249) - you deserved it (3316)
On 05/14/2013 at 4:09pm - health - by DrewK (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, it's my birthday. Three people wished me happy birthday: Google, my insurance company, and the place I lease my car from. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46705) - you deserved it (3309)
On 05/08/2013 at 1:48pm - misc - by trice (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I woke up to my friend stroking my face with the bottom of his foot and whispering, "Shh, you're okay." FML
I agree, your life sucks (33078) - you deserved it (3281)
On 05/13/2013 at 6:05pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Hawaii)
Today, I was getting ready, when I heard my dad in the shower. He was singing along to the song "The Wheel in the Sky" by Journey. Except he'd changed the lyrics and was singing, "The dick on this guy needs a rubbin'." It turns out my mom was in the shower with him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47149) - you deserved it (3264)
On 05/01/2013 at 12:13pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I went to the dentist to get a tooth filled. The nurse just finished taking my info when the doctor came in and started drilling. Through my chorus of screams he realized he'd forgotten to numb me. His only response was, "Guess I forgot to numb ya, huh?" while giggling. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47696) - you deserved it (3247)
On 05/14/2013 at 8:03am - health - by toothache - United States (Illinois)
Today, my future father-in-law showed everyone a picture of his poop because it was "shaped like a banana." My fiancé's whole family thought it was funny and "looked more like a banana than last time." FML
I agree, your life sucks (35967) - you deserved it (3236)
On 05/02/2013 at 11:04am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I gave my boss a gift card as a late birthday present, since I wasn't in the office on his actual birthday. He accused me of trying to bribe my way to a promotion, and suspended me on the spot. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32830) - you deserved it (3264)
On 05/13/2013 at 12:01pm - work - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I was eating a mystery flavored candy and I had an allergic reaction. Not only did I have to go to the hospital because my throat swelled up, but I still don't know what I'm allergic to. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41224) - you deserved it (3234)
On 05/12/2013 at 1:20am - health - by those_allergies - United States (Oregon)
Today, I got my third promotion at work in as many years. My husband congratulated me very briefly, before asking if this meant he no longer had to look for a job. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27601) - you deserved it (3233)
On 05/18/2013 at 3:27pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Mexico (Guanajuato)
Today, I was woken up by my drunk girlfriend calling me and saying how much she loves me. She then stopped to tell the guy she was in bed with to be quiet because I might hear him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51658) - you deserved it (3226)
On 05/15/2013 at 4:21pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend of 7 years with another woman. He panicked and blamed it on the "long distance" and how we "never see each other". We've lived in the same neighbourhood since we were 5 years old, and we've lived together for the past four years. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54259) - you deserved it (3210)
On 05/08/2013 at 12:21pm - intimacy - by lalalaisling - Ireland (Cork)
Today, I received a notice that if I don't move the abandoned vehicle from outside my house it will be repossessed at my expense. My car isn't abandoned. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33581) - you deserved it (3204)
On 05/14/2013 at 1:29am - misc - by CrappyCar (woman) - United States
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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