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May 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my grandpa told me he was going to be eating out tonight, and I asked at which restaurant. He replied "Your gran's room." and winked. I didn't need that mental image, at all. FML

#21409445
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30336) - you deserved it (2676)

On 05/13/2015 at 12:00pm - misc - by -_- (woman) - United States (California)

Today, it was hot out, so I wore shorts. My dad took one look at me and said, "Your thighs are so pale, it's like staring into the sun". FML

#21413979
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21804) - you deserved it (2672)

On 05/22/2015 at 11:55am - misc - by xolaurennnn - United States

Today, I found out my wife confided in a coworker that she wants to sleep with him, because our marriage is loveless and sexless. News to me. FML

#21410043
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29229) - you deserved it (2657)

On 05/14/2015 at 2:59pm - intimacy - by semokco (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I took my family to Disneyland. My husband had more fun than my five year old daughter. He was hitting on the princesses. FML

#21411433
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28060) - you deserved it (2632)

On 05/17/2015 at 12:08pm - love - by creepedoutmom (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend bought me a pet tarantula. I now have one of my biggest fears crawling around my house. FML

#21406510
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28752) - you deserved it (2633)

On 05/07/2015 at 11:23pm - animals - by MyNameIsNotJeff (man) - United States

Today, I found out my mom put breast milk in my cereal until I was 7 years old. FML

#21413959
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28634) - you deserved it (2631)

On 05/22/2015 at 11:17am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my drunken feminazi mother shouted to me at the top of her lungs, "All men are fucking assholes, and your new husband is no different!" during our wedding reception. All he did was ask her how she liked the salmon. FML

#21407591
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30066) - you deserved it (2624)

On 05/10/2015 at 2:00am - misc - by How's the salmon? - United States

Today, I managed to throw my back out by blowing my nose. FML

#21409404
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24181) - you deserved it (2617)

On 05/13/2015 at 9:57am - health - by Hlaalette (woman) - Belgium

Today, my mother yelled at me, telling me I'm irresponsible and lecturing me on how I need to "plan ahead like an adult." All because I asked to borrow a tampon. FML

#21408920
132 comments

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said she wanted to accept, but that she'd basically have to get her mom's permission first. Apparently the answer was no. The worst thing is that she really is this unhealthily dependent on her mom, and probably wasn't lying about needing her permission. FML

#21414249
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24244) - you deserved it (2617)

On 05/22/2015 at 11:44pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my window broke and will not close. My room is in a wooded area. I've already chased out two squirrels and a bird and it's only been an hour. I'm afraid I'm gonna wake up like Snow White with all sorts of wildlife sleeping with me. FML

Today, my boyfriend told me that we wouldn't move in together as we had planned to do for a long time. His mother forbade it. He is 27. FML

#21407402
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26551) - you deserved it (2567)

On 05/09/2015 at 7:03pm - love - by forever alone (woman) - Germany (Thuringen)



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