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May 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I desperately needed to let off some steam at work, so I went outside and screamed obscenities at the top of my lungs, before heading back inside. The police then showed up to investigate complaints of a "raving lunatic" in the area. FML

#21403035
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19059) - you deserved it (21811)

On 05/01/2015 at 6:17pm - work - by RavingLunatic (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I went indoor rock climbing. After finally making it to the top, my pants ripped on my last move. I wasn't wearing any underwear. FML

#21412970
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17015) - you deserved it (14488)

On 05/20/2015 at 10:43am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Stockport)

Today, I was supporting my aunt as she gave birth. She was getting tired during the pushing stage, so I tried to encourage her by making a show of pushing as well with each contraction. I got a little too into it and accidentally gave birth to a little turd of my own. FML

Today, I found out the "sex noises" I heard from next door last night, which I'd angrily yelled at my neighbor for, were actually from him having an uncontrollable seizure. FML

#21405133
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28622) - you deserved it (11814)

On 05/05/2015 at 2:20pm - intimacy - by 420curse (man) - United States (California)

Today, while waitressing, I served a family with a little girl who was wearing a Frozen shirt. I told her I'm friends with Elsa and that she taught me to sing. The girl asked me to sing a song, so I did. Not even 5 seconds in, she started bawling. FML

#21408927
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26498) - you deserved it (10651)

On 05/12/2015 at 12:38pm - kids - by NotAPrincess - United States (California)

Today, I told my friends I was kissed by a girl. They said "Yeah, probably by your mom." The sad thing is, they were right. FML

#21402837
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23529) - you deserved it (10356)

On 05/01/2015 at 10:24am - love - by Forever alone - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I woke up so hungover that when I went to the bathroom and caught sight of myself in the mirror, I screamed, slipped backwards, and smashed my head against the rim of my bathtub. FML

#21410586
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20809) - you deserved it (10038)

On 05/15/2015 at 4:26pm - health - by hedayk - United States (New York)

Today, while we were at a work party, I noticed a drunk lady in the mix. I pointed out to my boss how dumb she looked. It was his daughter. FML

#21412921
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21269) - you deserved it (9838)

On 05/20/2015 at 8:03am - work - by boss_daughter - United States

Today, on my first driving lesson, I crashed my instructor's car. I didn't even make it out of the parking lot. FML

#21407296
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23320) - you deserved it (9688)

On 05/09/2015 at 2:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out the reason my co-workers have been giving me gum every day is not because of their generosity, but because everyone in the office thinks my breath smells. FML

#21411436
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20650) - you deserved it (9210)

On 05/17/2015 at 12:13pm - work - by smellynelly (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I stuck my hand out the car window and noticed my arm fat flapping in the wind. FML

#21409639
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22376) - you deserved it (8953)

On 05/13/2015 at 7:19pm - health - by windthroughmyflab - United States

Today, I went to the airport a full three hours before my flight departure time just to be on the safe side. I ended up having the best nap of my life and missing my flight. FML

#21407249
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27655) - you deserved it (8874)

On 05/09/2015 at 1:13pm - misc - by Rar (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I wore a pair of shorts a size too big while doing laundry. When I ordered a pizza afterwards and answered the door, I realized I looked a little heavy, so I sucked in my stomach. My shorts fell to the ground in front of the delivery guy. FML

#21408368
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26206) - you deserved it (8660)

On 05/11/2015 at 12:40pm - misc - by oops (woman) - United States (Maryland)



Caleb Taylor's illustrated FML

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FML's blog

  • The Best of the Worst #14
  • We're back! Hooray! It's the month of May and time once again to dig around the FML postbag to see what wonders of the English language we can find. Like a sculptor making a statue out of a block of marble,…

Wednesday 20 May 2015

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