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April 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, after locking myself out of my house, I let myself into my car to wait on someone with a spare key. It took me 15 minutes to realise the house and car key share the same ring. FML

#21390076
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18942) - you deserved it (15339)

On 04/08/2015 at 3:36pm - misc - by losing the plot (man) - United Kingdom (Bristol, City of)

Today, my parents, my aunt and her husband went out to dinner. There, my aunt told us that she was pregnant, and out of instinct, I asked her who the father is. FML

#21387788
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24721) - you deserved it (14660)

On 04/04/2015 at 11:06pm - kids - by TKPhai - United States (California)

Today, I saw one one of my cat's hairs on my sweatpants and wanted to remove it. It wasn't a cat hair, but a pubic hair that has found its way through my panties and sweatpants while being still attached to me. FML

Today, a coworker and I pulled a April Fools' joke on our boss. She "borrowed" his keys and rolled down his window. I took a car window from a scrap yard and sprinkled it on the ground near his door. His response was to kick the nearest object in anger. The nearest object happened to be my car. FML

#21385709
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24125) - you deserved it (9817)

On 04/01/2015 at 1:46pm - work - by TecheyTim - United States (New York)

Today, I went to the dentist for the first time in years. His first comment upon inspecting my teeth: "Meth. Hell of a drug." FML

#21395729
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26297) - you deserved it (9608)

On 04/18/2015 at 12:45pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had a date over for the first time since I moved out. I made a beautiful dinner… for one of us. I'm so used to cooking for just myself that I only made one serving. FML

#21387713
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26735) - you deserved it (9433)

On 04/04/2015 at 8:44pm - love - by :/ - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I showed a kid how to knock somebody out for self defense. He then knocked me unconscious with the same method I'd just showed him. FML

#21390911
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26050) - you deserved it (9406)

On 04/09/2015 at 9:02pm - misc - by Jakesssss - United States (Ohio)

Today, while walking down the street, a cute guy approached me. We ended up having some drinks then heading back to his place and hooked up. Afterwards, I used the bathroom, and when I came out, he was going through his wallet and asked me how much he owed me. FML

#21391926
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30468) - you deserved it (9327)

On 04/11/2015 at 6:05pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I went to a job interview. It would have been fine if I had remembered it was over the phone, and not in person. I drove two hours. FML

Today, I forgot my boyfriend was allergic to nuts and ate Nutella toast before he arrived. He had just brought me flowers for doing well in an exam and I kissed him. He had a reaction and I had to stab him in the leg. FML

#21388685
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29698) - you deserved it (8921)

On 04/06/2015 at 3:38pm - love - by rhunter17 -

Today, I started getting really bad chest pains at work. I googled it and the internet convinced me I was having a heart attack. Scared for my life, I started to dial for an ambulance when I let out the biggest fart you could ever imagine. Turns out it was trapped gas. FML

#21397265
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23324) - you deserved it (8718)

On 04/21/2015 at 3:55am - health - by Not dying. (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I found out my car needs an oil change. I had to listen the warning alert beep for over 200 miles. FML



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