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February 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while watching a clip of the show "16 and Pregnant" on YouTube in my room, my mom yelled from the kitchen that dinner was ready. Without skipping a beat, I yelled back, "I'm pregnant!" I'm a guy. FML

Today, I went to an ATM intending to withdraw $150. I approached the machine, inserted my card, typed in my pin and followed the prompts. When my card came out, I removed it, put it in my pocket and drove off. FML

Today, a cute girl was telling me about her weird fetishes. I jokingly said, "Remind me never to have sex with you". She replied, "Don't worry, I have standards". FML

#21353290
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28226) - you deserved it (17629)

On 02/10/2015 at 9:51am - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up because we got into a fight over what color that confusing black and blue and white and gold dress was. FML

#21364239
255 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24101) - you deserved it (15767)

On 02/26/2015 at 10:07pm - love - by confused - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, in an effort to avoid my school's strict no-gum policy as my teacher made a b-line to me, I swallowed it. By the time the teacher reached me, the gum was on my desk, as well as my breakfast, thanks to my overactive gag reflex. FML

#21350431
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23656) - you deserved it (14151)

On 02/05/2015 at 4:03pm - misc - by gumchuck (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my coworker said that she suddenly got the shivers. I jokingly told her that it meant she must be being watched by a dead person and made stupid ghost noises. She then told me it was the anniversary of her dad's death and burst into tears. FML

#21348221
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32407) - you deserved it (12869)

On 02/02/2015 at 9:25am - misc - by pinecones (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I accidentally crashed my mom's car into my dad's car. FML

#21357430
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30434) - you deserved it (11943)

On 02/16/2015 at 3:43pm - misc - by cactii - United States

Today, I got pulled over for speaking on my phone. I accepted the fine because I was too ashamed to tell the cute officer that I was actually trying to pop a huge pimple on my cheek. FML

#21363177
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21960) - you deserved it (10223)

On 02/25/2015 at 5:33am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, at work, a good song came on and I started dancing to it. I guess security thought my Michael Jackson crotch-grab was funny, because a printout of it is now pinned in our break room. FML

#21351356
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25072) - you deserved it (10191)

On 02/07/2015 at 4:09am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, my friend was confiding all her problems to me over Skype. I pressed the mute button so I could let out a fart, forgetting I'd already muted it earlier. I broke several minutes of my own silence with a devastating wet one. Now she won't talk to me. FML

#21364034
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22152) - you deserved it (9796)

On 02/26/2015 at 4:17pm - misc - by MuteNToot (man) -

Today, my girlfriend confessed to cheating on me. Unfortunately, she's a pathological liar and I can't be sure if it's really true, along with half the stuff she tells me on a daily basis. Love is hard. FML

#21356609
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28681) - you deserved it (9620)

On 02/15/2015 at 11:02am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, while correcting essays, I spilled ketchup on a student's paper. I managed to successfully turn it into a happy smiley face but when proudly looking at the result, noticed it was right next to the big "F" that I had graded it. FML

#21352870
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24564) - you deserved it (9426)

On 02/09/2015 at 5:58pm - work - by tirf -



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  • Madonna must be the only person breathing a sigh of relief right now thanks to all the idiots arguing about the colour of a dress. Thanks to a badly-lit photograph, everyone seems to have forgotten that she super…

Friday 27 February 2015

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