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October 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my laziness reached a whole new level when I caught myself skipping the longer FML stories to read the shorter ones. FML

#21272079
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29371) - you deserved it (11500)

On 10/06/2014 at 3:12pm - misc - by eh - Azerbaijan (Baki)

Today, my 9-year-old daughter was acting out and wouldn't do her homework. I told her that if she didn't study, she wouldn't get her acceptance letter from Hogwarts. She looked into my eyes, straight through to my soul and said, "Hogwarts isn't real, retard." FML

#21280509
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31353) - you deserved it (11104)

On 10/18/2014 at 3:29pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my co-worker told me that my other co-worker is in the process of getting a divorce. I got really excited because his marriage is very toxic. He overheard me say, "He deserves that divorce!" I meant it in a good way, but I don't think he took it that way. FML

#21268618
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30289) - you deserved it (10346)

On 09/30/2014 at 10:20pm - work - by oopsydaisy (woman) - United States

Today, I laughed at my grandma's chihuahua poodle mix, as it barked at me entering the house. "What are you going to do, nibble me to death?" is apparently enough to make it jump and bite me. I needed five stitches. FML

#21280619
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26115) - you deserved it (10257)

On 10/18/2014 at 7:05pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I asked a passenger what he wanted to drink. When he said marijuana, I started making pot jokes. He really asked for mineral water. I was given a drug test when we landed. FML

#21269829
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29701) - you deserved it (10234)

On 10/02/2014 at 9:55pm - work - by stewardess - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have a quickie in the car. We had left a window open so it wasn't too hot, and I was holding onto the edge of the window, fingers hanging over. In the midst of it all, my boyfriend managed to close the window by hitting the button. My finger is broken. FML

#21270463
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32856) - you deserved it (9602)

On 10/04/2014 at 1:43am - intimacy - by manymisfortunes - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I stood up too quickly and got dizzy, so I sat on the edge of the bed to regain my balance. I started dozing off to sleep again, got confused, and peed down the side of my bed thinking I was on the toilet. FML

#21272641
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34421) - you deserved it (9150)

On 10/07/2014 at 7:33am - misc - by Waterfalls (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my loving five-year-old daughter started singing Christmas carols again. Ones that she made up herself, of course. Including "Walking in a fucking wonderland" and "Rudolph the red nosed asshole". FML

Today, I overheard my daughter talking to her boyfriend over the phone about having sex. She said, "You have to piss on me to get me pregnant, that's what I heard anyway." She's 16. FML

#21270711
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40002) - you deserved it (8484)

On 10/04/2014 at 3:52pm - intimacy - by SadMother - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my little sister decided it would be funny to hide in the washroom closet while I was taking a piss. I wasn't pissing, I was wanking. FML

#21281971
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28087) - you deserved it (8161)

On 10/20/2014 at 8:29pm - intimacy - by John (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I accidentally belched at the dinner table. At age 22, I got sent to my room with no dessert by my parents. FML

#21279192
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32003) - you deserved it (7957)

On 10/16/2014 at 4:32pm - misc - by not saying it was whores, but... - United States

Today, I knocked over and broke one of two very expensive wine bottles. As I was using the mop to clean it up, the handle knocked over and broke the other. FML

#21275769
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27804) - you deserved it (7772)

On 10/11/2014 at 7:04pm - misc - by ojskyguy - United States (Mississippi)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

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  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

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