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June 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my husband reorganized our fridge for the World Cup. He cleared everything out and filled it with beer and chips. FML

#21171761
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44302) - you deserved it (10557) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 06/12/2014 at 1:02am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I woke up loudly screaming from a "night" terror. I say "night"; I was actually at my desk at work, in the middle of the day, surrounded by dozens of co-workers in their cubicles. FML

#21193942
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37308) - you deserved it (10493)

On 06/30/2014 at 3:51pm - work - by Whoopsie (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went to work in my best outfit for the big corporate party we were having later in the day. When I arrived, my boss said, "You missed one hell of a party yesterday!" Shit. FML

#21168448
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40999) - you deserved it (10354)

On 06/09/2014 at 5:20pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I couldn't find my vibrator. After searching for an hour I decided to ask my husband. He quickly shook his head no. We've been married for ten years. I know when he's lying. FML

#21190761
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49014) - you deserved it (10325)

On 06/27/2014 at 9:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was talking to one of my British friends online, and he told me to say "yew anchors" a few times really fast. I'm a fairly stupid person, and wasn't very focused, so I did as he said. When I finally figured what the words meant, my dad had heard and grounded me for cursing. FML

#21161539
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33985) - you deserved it (9792)

On 06/03/2014 at 11:36am - kids - by properpissed (man) - United States (California)

Today, at my first day working at Walmart, a customer asked if we have any egg cookers. I said I wasn't sure, but that I'd be "eggstatic" to go ask for him. The first clue I got to suggest he hated puns was him yelling "Don't get smart with me, boy!" and then threatening to kill me. FML

#21180841
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44254) - you deserved it (9790)

On 06/19/2014 at 4:10pm - work - by fuckmyjob (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I walked in on my 15 year old daughter and her boyfriend. They were standing in my bathroom, both naked from the waist down. Supposedly, he was trying to "teach her how to pee standing up." FML

#21159254
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66849) - you deserved it (9701)

On 06/01/2014 at 11:51am - intimacy - by help me - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my 8-year-old son microwaved his pet hamster. FML

#21173596
282 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57741) - you deserved it (9663)

On 06/13/2014 at 6:53pm - animals - by sunil (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I went on a date with a guy I've had a crush on for ages. Midway through the meal, he sighed and said, "I'll be honest, this is a horrible date. You got zero personality and I'm too lazy to do a window escape, so..." He then got up and walked out. FML

#21165255
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58896) - you deserved it (9632)

On 06/06/2014 at 6:44pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I bought some crickets as a treat for my lizard. One escaped and somehow got into the heating system in my room. The chirping is amplified and comes from everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Goodbye, restful sleep. FML

#21170183
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45485) - you deserved it (9532)

On 06/10/2014 at 10:07pm - animals - by Sleepdeprived (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, I realized how bad my sex life is when I scratched a mosquito bite and almost had an orgasm. FML

#21168837
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51676) - you deserved it (9531)

On 06/09/2014 at 10:14pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I decided to tell my family, including my husband, that I'm pregnant. Their reaction was basically a "meh" before returning to watching the World Cup. FML

#21176835
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48721) - you deserved it (9528)

On 06/16/2014 at 2:50pm - misc - by FMeeee (woman) - Portugal (Aveiro)

Today, after being a vegetarian for 5 years, I found out that my boyfriend of 2 years has secretly been feeding me meat. His reason is that he thinks it's "funny" that I still call myself a vegetarian afterwards. FML

#21182417
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46018) - you deserved it (9474)

On 06/20/2014 at 10:04pm - misc - by secret meat (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)



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