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December 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was chatting with my mother. She was telling me about some new mouthwash she recently got, and the moment the word "gargle" escaped her lips, my husband muttered just a little too loudly from the kitchen, "How about gargling my balls instead, bitch." Our family is now at war. FML

#20985190
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48884) - you deserved it (5408)

On 12/08/2013 at 3:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I overheard my boyfriend bragging to his friend about finally giving me an orgasm yesterday, but that he got scared because my orgasm face made me look like "a camel having a stroke." FML

#21007355
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47354) - you deserved it (5385)

On 12/27/2013 at 3:18pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Jamaica (Saint Andrew)

Today, I went skiing with a girl I like. On the lift I asked her out. She said no. Halfway up the lift stopped. We were stuck up there for nearly an hour. FML

#20993100
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49286) - you deserved it (5363)

On 12/15/2013 at 3:38am - love - by snowbum69 - United States (Idaho)

Today, my fiancé left me waiting at the train station for two and a half hours because he offered his ex-girlfriend a lift to her friends wedding that was a few cities away. I normally wouldn't have minded, but I'm 6 months pregnant and it was pouring with rain. FML

Today, my dog has found a new game he likes. It involves him rolling around on my new bed sheets to build up static electricity and run and poke me with his nose so I get shocked. FML

#21008001
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44562) - you deserved it (5344)

On 12/28/2013 at 3:23am - animals - by honeybunny90 - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend and I took a nap, fully clothed. I woke up to him panicking. He'd had a wet dream and was scared that his sperm somehow swam through several layers of clothing and got me pregnant. FML

#20982965
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51270) - you deserved it (5341)

On 12/06/2013 at 4:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a huge argument while driving home from visiting family. We pulled into a gas station, and I went inside to grab a drink and cool down. When I came back out, both car and boyfriend were nowhere in sight. It was my car. FML

Today, I was laying in the grass, staring into the blue sky and watching planes go by. My boyfriend snuggles down next to me; it was a sweet moment. He then told me all about how the planes above are leaving 'chem trails', and that he believes the CIA is out to mind-control us all. Right. FML

#20998520
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33898) - you deserved it (5284)

On 12/19/2013 at 9:45pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my roommate, who happens to be a writer, got so pissed off at his editor that he got drunk, wrapped his arms around my waist, and only stopped when I agreed to spoon him. This is not the first time this has happened either. FML

#20989886
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37941) - you deserved it (5222)

On 12/12/2013 at 3:51am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I got a new chair at work. After spending 3 hours putting it together, I was called into my boss's office and let go. FML

#20979933
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40468) - you deserved it (5191)

On 12/03/2013 at 11:05pm - work - by helpme - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time. The first thing he did was show me a bullet, then he basically said that if I don't submit to his daughter's every whim, that bullet will end my life. FML

#21011731
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42870) - you deserved it (5174)

On 12/31/2013 at 3:57pm - love - by thisisavirus.exe (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my girlfriend wants to make a video of us having sex for us to watch later and figure out how to improve our skills in bed. The problem is her choice of cameraman: her uncle. FML

#20978171
205 comments

Today, my grandma added to my elephant collection by giving me some underwear with elephant ears on the hips, and a long, sock-like nose. She has no idea they're meant for a guy. FML

#20989013
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52622) - you deserved it (5073)

On 12/11/2013 at 3:14pm - intimacy - by ElephantLover (woman) - United States (California)



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