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December 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. He seemed thrilled, and went to buy some wine to celebrate. He left 11 hours ago and won't come back. FML

#20991978
287 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55494) - you deserved it (7628)

On 12/14/2013 at 2:24am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got a call from a girl I dated long ago, who cheated on me and got pregnant by another guy, or so we thought. Turns out it isn't his, and she is taking me to court for child support. FML

#20986260
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52660) - you deserved it (7588)

On 12/09/2013 at 12:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my kittens hunted and killed their first prey. My hamster. FML

#20981341
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46511) - you deserved it (7488) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 12/05/2013 at 1:52am - animals - by Chatons - Switzerland

Today, my teenage daughter found out that she's pregnant, but insists she's still a virgin. Who does she think knocked her up? God? FML

#20996030
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57228) - you deserved it (7482)

On 12/17/2013 at 4:57pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Egypt

Today, my 13-year-old daughter excitedly told me about a new diet she read about online. Apparently, the diet entirely consists of bottled water and a mixture of food coloring. The food coloring "takes care of all that vitamin and mineral stuff." My daughter is an idiot. FML

#20985898
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47948) - you deserved it (7421)

On 12/09/2013 at 12:52am - kids - by Nofoodcoloringisnotasubstituteforfood (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I farted so loud that I woke myself up. And the stranger sitting next to me on the airplane. FML

#20988758
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44213) - you deserved it (7263)

On 12/11/2013 at 8:14am - misc - by pootie (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, in a desperate attempt to add some variety to my life, I resorted to closing my eyes and picking a random font for my essay paper. FML

#20998799
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32605) - you deserved it (7232)

On 12/20/2013 at 3:02am - misc - by Jess (woman) - United States (California)

Today, it's been a little over a month since my dad started taking yoga lessons. We always joked around behind his back that he was just doing it so he could get flexible enough to suck himself off. Well, that joke was confirmed as reality when I walked in on him trying just that. FML

#21001267
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52002) - you deserved it (7175)

On 12/22/2013 at 12:22pm - intimacy - by bleach bleach bleach (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I met a great guy at the bar, and we went back to my place. He left before I woke up, leaving a badly-scrawled note saying, "Gone to work, call me!" I couldn't make out the number. FML

#20996904
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39228) - you deserved it (7119)

On 12/18/2013 at 12:01pm - love - by whereismyprince? - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my boyfriend told me I'm beautiful. Before I could thank him, he continued, "Too bad it takes a shit-load of makeup." FML

#20986609
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44168) - you deserved it (7112)

On 12/09/2013 at 5:41pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I realized how bad my depression has gotten when I caught myself fantasizing about suicide while having sex with my husband. FML

#20994372
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58631) - you deserved it (7036)

On 12/16/2013 at 2:55am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I got the DVD back from a dance concert I did. After watching it, I realised that I had a camel toe through the whole thing. Three and a half hours. FML

#20992052
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43363) - you deserved it (6972)

On 12/14/2013 at 7:00am - misc - by Aggie_De (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I saw some servicemen sitting outside a café, and I went over to thank them for their service. They waited till after I was done shaking their hands before they told me they were just actors on their lunch break. FML

#20993552
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39396) - you deserved it (6832)

On 12/15/2013 at 3:13pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)



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