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December 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I received a poorly-written letter from my asshole neighbor in which he threatened to "sew" me because my dog shat on his lawn again. I went over, asked if he needed some wool for his sewing, and told him to stop being an idiot. Now he's apparently hiring a lawyer for real. FML

#20981890
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37582) - you deserved it (20798)

On 12/05/2013 at 5:26pm - misc - by possibly a sweater (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I pulled over a speeding driver. I admit that I'd been hoping for this moment since I joined the police force; the moment a lady put her cleavage on display to get out of a ticket. Sadly, this lady was a senior citizen, and her breasts looked like two semi-deflated balloons. FML

#20977282
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43310) - you deserved it (19333)

On 12/01/2013 at 6:07pm - work - by fuck my eyeballs (man) - United States (California)

Today, I stopped at the gas station to fill up my tank and get some snacks. I paid the cashier, then got back into my car, totally forgetting to pump the $50 worth of fuel I'd just prepaid for. Too bad I didn't realize until my car came to a sputtering stop about a mile down the road. FML

#20999926
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33981) - you deserved it (18811)

On 12/21/2013 at 4:07am - misc - by AbsentMindedGal - United States

Today, I was looking for a job. I was so desperate for gas money to drive around town that I had to steal $20 from my sister. She's only 10 years old. FML

#20997840
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34010) - you deserved it (18791)

On 12/19/2013 at 8:12am - money - by tp2014 - United States (Georgia)

Today, I tried waxing for the first time. At first it felt like I'd dipped my balls in a furnace. Now I can't even feel them. FML

#21011655
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31864) - you deserved it (18014)

On 12/31/2013 at 2:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, while trying to break up with my girlfriend, I somehow ended up begging her not to break up with me. I'm still not sure how that happened. FML

#20988052
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35337) - you deserved it (17663)

On 12/10/2013 at 6:38pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Bangladesh

Today, my wife made me a Sex Rewards Chart, where I get points by doing chores and such, and 50 points gets me some action. She refuses to even look at me if I haven't earned the points, and is contemplating sleeping alone in the guest room until I earn more points. FML

#20983710
396 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56694) - you deserved it (17661)

On 12/07/2013 at 9:55am - intimacy - by feiedbutter - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I dropped a $400 bottle of wine while trying to get the cork out. FML

#20982484
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40140) - you deserved it (15270)

On 12/06/2013 at 2:08am - money - by butterfingers - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while having sex with my husband, we had to move around our cat during position changes. Our cat controls our sex life. FML

#20978895
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39150) - you deserved it (14704)

On 12/02/2013 at 11:26pm - intimacy - by anon (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I'm not getting paid 400$ per month because I failed my Russian language proficiency test. Russian is my first language. FML

#20980385
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35761) - you deserved it (14625)

On 12/04/2013 at 11:24am - work - by russianfail - United States (Texas)

Today, my unemployed scumbag boyfriend sold a painting I had just bought so he could buy phoney drugs that he told me he had quit. FML

#20985382
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36528) - you deserved it (14403)

On 12/08/2013 at 6:44pm - love - by GetOutOfMyHouseLoser - United States

Today, while looking for some socks in my mom's dresser, I found a male g-string and an edible bra. FML

#20996935
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37378) - you deserved it (14296)

On 12/18/2013 at 12:47pm - intimacy - by Rob (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I covered a 10-hour shift for a sick coworker. Glad to earn some extra money for the holidays, I went to clock out. I hadn't even clocked in when I first got there at 7 am. FML

#20979925
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37433) - you deserved it (13656)

On 12/03/2013 at 11:02pm - work - by Anonymous - United States



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