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October 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my mom and I got the answer to the question, "Is our dog really dumb enough to jump out of the window of a moving vehicle?" The answer: Yes. FML

#20904318
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39889) - you deserved it (5489)

On 10/02/2013 at 2:36am - animals - by BasketGhost - United States (New York)

Today, my paranoia got so bad that I had to physically restrain myself from aggressively confronting the kid walking behind me on the sidewalk. FML

#20909154
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33824) - you deserved it (5461)

On 10/06/2013 at 1:29am - health - by Angrily Paranoid (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was hanging out with a guy I like. We climbed a tree to watch the sunset, and as the sun went down, I kissed him. He fell out of the tree. FML

#20920034
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47604) - you deserved it (5433)

On 10/14/2013 at 12:02pm - love - by lovehurts - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, a few of my friends arranged for us to go skinny-dipping with the guy I really like. It went really well, until a turd surfaced before our eyes. After we scrambled out of the pool in panic, my crush called us all freaks and left. FML

#20927673
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40183) - you deserved it (5406)

On 10/20/2013 at 3:56pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was using my new curling iron to curl my hair. I was sitting down. Suddenly I dropped the iron and, as a reflex, I caught it between my bare thighs. FML

#20927250
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43559) - you deserved it (5359)

On 10/20/2013 at 8:39am - health - by cantcloselegs (woman) - United States

Today, I realized I have erectile dysfunction while drunk, and premature ejaculation while sober. FML

#20932595
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45920) - you deserved it (5353)

On 10/24/2013 at 5:26pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I went to the gym. I tried out a new machine where you do one-arm weightlifting. I took my time to get into a good position, then set the machine to the lowest weight possible. I couldn't even lift it an inch. A bunch of buff guys nearby saw me and burst into hysterical laughter. FML

#20907125
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38621) - you deserved it (5335)

On 10/04/2013 at 12:05pm - health - by likeyourboss (man) - Denmark

Today, I got my two-year-old's Halloween costume in the mail. I tried it on him to make sure it fit. He loves it so much that he is now having a complete meltdown because he wants to go trick-or-treating. He doesn't understand we only go trick-or-treating on Halloween. 23 more days to go. FML

Today, my two parrots decided that my head was the best place to have sex. FML

#20903328
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41544) - you deserved it (5302)

On 10/01/2013 at 1:32pm - animals - by NestHead (woman) - Russian Federation (Moscow City)

Today, I witnessed my boyfriend taking a dump in the litter box. He said he wanted to know what it felt like for the cat. FML

#20930986
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43393) - you deserved it (5207)

On 10/23/2013 at 12:04pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, after months of exercise and diets and finally reaching my ideal weight, I told my morbidly obese cousin about my success, hoping to motivate him to do the same. He replied, "Why would it matter, you're still ugly." FML

#20921493
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45378) - you deserved it (5113)

On 10/15/2013 at 1:08pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my dog tore up a single book from the dozens within his reach. That book was titled "How to Train Your Dog". FML

#20907686
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39040) - you deserved it (5067) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 10/04/2013 at 7:00pm - animals - by iet_Wyrda (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, my otherwise lovely boyfriend of a month showed his true colors. He freaked out when he learned that I use tampons instead of pads. He yelled that using them is like cheating on him, because his penis is the only thing that should ever enter me. FML

#20925494
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53252) - you deserved it (5055)

On 10/18/2013 at 7:01pm - love - by O-|---<=~ (woman) - United States (Washington)



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