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August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I discovered that when my crush leans in to kiss me, I get so nervous I throw up. Then throw up again thinking about how embarrassed I am. FML

#20841404
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44930) - you deserved it (7146)

On 08/17/2013 at 4:24am - love - by love-shot - United States (Kansas)

Today, I finally worked up the courage to write a girl a note, with my number on it, and the words: "You're stunning. Get in touch sometime." Heart pounding, I saw her, got up, and passed her the note. Then I passed out at her feet. FML

#20825416
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54318) - you deserved it (7123)

On 08/07/2013 at 11:46am - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I went to see a therapist for help with my severe fear of spiders. The therapist held a big spider in a box inches away from my face. I ran to the back of the room and asked him why. He responded with, "Aren't therapists supposed to help you face your fears?" I'm paying $150 an hour. FML

#20846128
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38667) - you deserved it (7112)

On 08/20/2013 at 9:41am - health - by no that does not help (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. As I started getting close to having my first ever orgasm, I got extremely short of breath and started hyperventilating. His reaction was to cover my mouth to shut me up. FML

#20852629
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53776) - you deserved it (7089)

On 08/24/2013 at 6:31pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Isle of Man

Today, my elderly neighbour was having some kind of house party. It was incredibly loud, so I went and asked if he could tone it down a little. He responded by grabbing a deck chair, smacking me with it, then chasing me back to my house, all while his guests cheered him on. FML

#20840549
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42144) - you deserved it (7051)

On 08/16/2013 at 4:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Switzerland

Today, I was stuck on the toilet for hours after eating some questionable seafood. During this time, I watched through the open door as my dog destroyed the nice shoes I just bought, as well as the tux I rented for my sister's wedding. The wedding is in 12 hours. FML

#20833678
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42337) - you deserved it (6982)

On 08/12/2013 at 12:09pm - health - by notmansbestfriend (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I asked my boss for a raise, explaining that another shop offered me a job at a higher rate, but I would stay if he would offer me the same. Instead, he fired me then called the other shop and said I was fired for failing a drug test. FML

#20857270
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53243) - you deserved it (6912)

On 08/27/2013 at 11:21pm - work - by nowork - United States (New York)

Today, after a long and stressful day, I started fooling around with my boyfriend. When we finally got to the main event, I found out that we couldn't, because he'd used all his condoms to make water balloons. FML

#20842045
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52233) - you deserved it (6835)

On 08/17/2013 at 6:56pm - intimacy - by frustrated - Ireland (Kerry)

Today, I was in the restroom at work, snickering at some funny stories on my phone while I took a dump. Little did I know that the asshole in the next stall would report me to our boss, claiming he'd heard weird noises, then looked over the divider and witnessed me jacking off to porn. FML

#20829508
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42848) - you deserved it (6820)

On 08/09/2013 at 6:17pm - work - by fired (man) -

Today, my girlfriend and I started fighting. Instead of arguing for herself, she decided to set her puppy on me. Only "Puppy" is the name of her fully-grown police-trained German Shepherd. FML

#20847973
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50479) - you deserved it (6796)

On 08/21/2013 at 2:58pm - animals - by mykhael (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I was told that my son has Twitter and Facebook accounts that he uses to try to bully people online, some of which are celebrities. He does it really badly, though. FML

#20837780
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38037) - you deserved it (6751)

On 08/14/2013 at 10:02pm - misc - by ShitStirringSon (man) - United States (California)

Today, I forgot to shut off some pumps before closing the main valves that run to them. Several sirens soon started blaring at a deafening level. I'm new here and nobody else is around. I don't know how to shut the sirens off. FML

#20844606
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37175) - you deserved it (6728)

On 08/19/2013 at 12:00pm - work - by oops (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, we were having a family dinner with my boyfriend's parents and mine. In the kitchen, when we were getting the food ready, he proposed. I screamed. My dad thought he was hurting me, came in and tased him in the leg. FML

#20841540
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57768) - you deserved it (6718)

On 08/17/2013 at 10:18am - love - by why - United States (Tennessee)



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