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August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my husband bought me a present for our three year anniversary. It was a pack of 20 cigarettes. I don't smoke. He does. FML

#20846337
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50330) - you deserved it (8549)

On 08/20/2013 at 1:38pm - love - by LizzyJones - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, I was washing up in a public bathroom, when I looked up for a second and saw a kid in the mirror staring back at me. I gasped, as I thought the place had been empty. He whispered, "It's time to die." I screamed and ran out, only to hear him burst out laughing behind me. FML

#20817313
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49746) - you deserved it (8432)

On 08/02/2013 at 4:57pm - misc - by lights on forever (woman) - Turkey (Istanbul)

Today, I was flirting with a cute bartender on my last day in Spain. It was going well until we somehow got onto the topic of how I was recently dumped by my boyfriend of 3 years via Facebook. He spent the next 5 minutes laughing and telling his coworkers how hilarious that was. FML

#20831150
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39668) - you deserved it (8379)

On 08/10/2013 at 7:41pm - misc - by selfesteemloss (woman) - Spain (Catalonia)

Today, my girlfriend convinced me to do some bedroom roleplay, and we decided on acting out a job interview scenario. I suggestively told her that if she wanted to get the job, she'd have to use her mouth on something else first. She called me a pig and ended the roleplay right there. FML

#20818899
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55576) - you deserved it (8301)

On 08/03/2013 at 4:01pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Portugal

Today, as I returned home, I noticed some movement inside my house. Thinking it was a break-in, I called 911. It was my friends and some coworkers trying to throw me a surprise birthday party. Nobody's said a word to me since. FML

#20841179
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41968) - you deserved it (8159)

On 08/17/2013 at 12:38am - misc - by Suprise - United States

Today, I found out that the messages about the issues in my sex life that I'd been sending to my best friend had been sent to my mother via iMessage. She's coming over for dinner tomorrow. FML

#20821467
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36429) - you deserved it (8156)

On 08/05/2013 at 1:33am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was at a "bring your family to work" event. I noticed my coworker brought his kids but not his wife, so I asked, "No wife today?" Everyone glared at me and he pointedly replied that she's married to someone else now. I had no idea. Now everyone thinks I'm an insensitive prick. FML

#20844855
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41197) - you deserved it (8129)

On 08/19/2013 at 3:04pm - work - by insensitive prick (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out that the very good-looking woman who sings for one of my favorite bands is actually a guy. FML

#20858850
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33486) - you deserved it (8114)

On 08/29/2013 at 3:07am - misc - by Pontiacman92 (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, some aggressive asshole was tailgating me on my way home, bumping into me twice. I got scared and kicked my car into high gear and got out of there. Seconds later, a traffic cop came out of nowhere and pulled me over for speeding. FML

#20820283
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42069) - you deserved it (8105)

On 08/04/2013 at 12:53pm - misc - by no, don't save me or nothing (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was having dinner with my boyfriend's family, and he was saying how well his driving lessons are going. During this conversation his mum told him to "stop blowing your own trumpet." He replied, "If I could do that, I wouldn't need Anna." His dad gave him a high-five. FML

#20836995
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63623) - you deserved it (8102)

On 08/14/2013 at 12:22pm - intimacy - by NoMoreTrumpetBlowing (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I was at the gym when I noticed a girl I like working out on the elliptical. I went to go say hi, but chickened out and went to run on the treadmill in front of her instead. I was so nervous that I tripped and the machine threw me headfirst into her machine. FML

#20839453
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39968) - you deserved it (8086)

On 08/15/2013 at 10:32pm - love - by ZeroLuck (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I could hear my daughter playing with her Barbie dolls in her room. "Do you think your boss will agree to give you a raise?", she said. "Of course, we slept together!" My daughter is six. FML

#20856377
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48537) - you deserved it (8066) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/27/2013 at 6:32am - kids - by Poly24 - Sent from mobile version

Today, I had sex. The guy texted me an hour later, saying, "That was awkward. Let's not do that again." FML

#20848750
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52980) - you deserved it (8020)

On 08/22/2013 at 12:27am - intimacy - by none - United States (Texas)



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