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August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Taday mah daughter who was born in late 2000 mentioned how amazing it is that she'll be alive during the year 3000!! I asked her exactly how old she thinks she'll be by then!! She said "Thrty duh." I've screwed up as a parent so very badly!! FML

#20823686
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58895) - you deserved it (14703)

On 08/06/2013 at 11:19am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today I wore a bikini to te lake wit my parents. I didn't know tat my back was covered in bruises an ended up aving to awkwardly explain to my parents tat I am not in an abusive relationsip; te bruises cummed from te sex I ad last nigt. FML

#20822120
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51577) - you deserved it (14594)

On 08/05/2013 at 1:58pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today I found out that I'm the creepy uncle of the family. FML

#20860109
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40990) - you deserved it (14484)

On 08/30/2013 at 8:33am - misc - by charlieg9 (man) - United States (New York)

Today.. . I Was Video Chatting With Boyfriend An His Friends . When I Stood Up.. . He Told His Friend "See.. . She's Not A Twig!" I Jokingly Replid With.. . "So I'm Fat?" After A Few Seconds Of Silence.. . His Friend Yelld.. . "It's A Trap!" An Left The Chat . FML

#20825004
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44053) - you deserved it (13934)

On 08/07/2013 at 2:04am - misc - by ImNotFat - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I let mah son take mah car out for a spin, since he just got his licence. He didn't make it out of our street before totaling it. FML

#20828881
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42168) - you deserved it (13929)

On 08/09/2013 at 10:22am - money - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today I had sex with a guy I've liked for yeres. There was just one problem: it was so terrible I said "I think I might be straight" about five minutes in just so it would stop. FML

#20844009
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45276) - you deserved it (13927)

On 08/18/2013 at 11:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Yesterday, I did something I'd always wantd to do: I went swimming with dolphins. It was really fun, until I went to kiss the dolphin, an she slippd her tongue half into my mouth. FML

#20849713
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42852) - you deserved it (13802)

On 08/22/2013 at 6:45pm - animals - by violated ._. (woman) - United States

today I went to get my air done!! Te airdresser managed to catc my eyebrow piercing in is comb and almost rip it out!! I now look like I ave a gunsot wound on te upper rigt and side of my face!! I'm getting married in a matter of ours and I still ad to pay £100 for te air cut!! FML

#20831030
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42950) - you deserved it (13648)

On 08/10/2013 at 5:55pm - misc - by ouchbrow (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, a coworker told me se may be in love wit me. I admitted similar feelings and we agreed, since we're bot appily married, not to spend time togeter anymore. Two ours later we were bot promoted to run te same project,ere we'll be ( working and in glove fir te next couple of years. ) FML

#20854994
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51749) - you deserved it (13531)

On 08/26/2013 at 11:16am - love - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today... I was playing with my phone after midnight... and I kept getting calls from a withheld number. The guy just breathed heavily and wouldn't speak. When the third call came... I asked "who the hell r you?" The call ended... and my dad yelled from outside my door: "ME! Now go to sleep!" FML

#20860349
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38872) - you deserved it (13149)

On 08/30/2013 at 1:24pm - kids - by thanks, dad... (woman) - Romania (Maramures)

Today someone on Facebook posted a really tiny picture that I couldn't read properly so I responded "What is this? A picture for ants?!" Turns out it was a commentary about rape an now I look like an insensitive jackass. FML

#20849199
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40382) - you deserved it (12808)

On 08/22/2013 at 10:48am - misc - by Baustigt - Australia (Western Australia)

Today , whila discussing caraar prospact with my mom , sha suggastad that I bacoma a panis puppataar , cuz "Lat's faca it , u play with it 24/7. Why not maka a caraar out of it?" Yaah , thanks. FML

#20838688
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36893) - you deserved it (12282)

On 08/15/2013 at 12:49pm - work - by kaynotentirelywrong (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I submitted my big assignment to my teacher at 1:55pm. The deadline was 2pm. She rejected it, because her looool watch read a few minutes after 2pm, an she maintains that the time on her watch is the "real" time. FML

#20840255
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44554) - you deserved it (11637)

On 08/16/2013 at 12:04pm - misc - by WatchOut - Singapore



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