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August 2013

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Today, I had a dream in which I was being mugged. I started fighting the muggers off, while in reality, my fist smacked my wife in the face. Now she has a black eye, nobody believes my story, and they think I'm a wife beater. FML

#20832277
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52754) - you deserved it (5711)

On 08/11/2013 at 2:11pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my 17-year-old son came home with a black eye saying he ran into a pole at school. I asked the principal if we could see the tapes. He actually did run straight into a pole. And not just once, twice. FML

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for no real reason via text message. A few hours later, she updated her relationship status on Facebook to "in a relationship." Her new "boyfriend"? Her cat. A mutual friend commented, "Well, he's better than that idiot you had before." FML

#20816836
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51939) - you deserved it (5674)

On 08/02/2013 at 10:53am - love - by tkghan (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I gave my daughter the sex talk. Barely 10 minutes later, her public Facebook status read: "My mom's a total pedo." and after she mentioned the talk, her friend posted, "That's sexual harassment. You can sue for that." Clearly I've failed as a parent. FML

#20840603
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51078) - you deserved it (5622)

On 08/16/2013 at 5:05pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my 14-year-old daughter convinced my son that when he was born, he was actually born as a girl, but we wanted a boy so bad we had his gender changed. Now he wants to change back to a girl because now he doesn't feel right as a boy. Last year, she got her other brother to cross dress. FML

#20832766
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52196) - you deserved it (5550)

On 08/11/2013 at 8:58pm - kids - by mydaughterisdisturbed - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was buying ingredients for a salad. I had only picked up a few cucumbers, when an elderly lady came up to me and murmured, "Make sure you use lots of lube, or that'll hurt. Been there, sweetheart." What the HELL? FML

#20817265
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57085) - you deserved it (5540)

On 08/02/2013 at 4:23pm - misc - by um... what the fuck, miss? (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my 10-year-old son told my 5-year-old daughter that we're a ghost family, and told her to run through our glass door to see for herself. She believed it, ran straight into the door, and ended up having to be taken to hospital. FML

#20813979
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57501) - you deserved it (5530)

On 07/31/2013 at 7:19pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Falkirk)

Today, after I had watched a few videos of myself, I realized the sound of my own voice is the single most annoying thing I have ever heard. FML

#20847659
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46314) - you deserved it (5522)

On 08/21/2013 at 10:08am - misc - by shut_up (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was told that I looked like a Kardashian by a total stranger. Flattered, I asked which one. His response? "I don't know, the ugly one." FML

#20848594
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42660) - you deserved it (5490)

On 08/21/2013 at 11:00pm - misc - by theuglyone - Canada (Ontario)

Today, like every day for the past 6 months, I got a call from the same telemarketers. I've been ignoring the calls, so now they've started leaving me voicemails. I can't get rid of the annoying voicemail icon on my phone without making a call, so I have to pay to listen to their offers. FML

Today, my girlfriend discovered subliminal messaging. She thought that whispering "you want to shave your beard" under her breath while I'm not looking at her, then denying ever saying it, would eventually make me shave my alleged upper-lip hair FML

#20832150
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36504) - you deserved it (5413)

On 08/11/2013 at 12:26pm - misc - by -__- (woman) - Greece (Attiki)

Today, my mother yelled and yelled at me until I apologized to our cat for not petting him when he sat on my lap. FML

#20825844
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46548) - you deserved it (5388)

On 08/07/2013 at 4:55pm - misc - by wekasdjkasldasdkasdzcawqe (woman) - Sweden

Today, my grandma told everyone at our party to stay away from me, saying, "Ya might catch obesity from her and become fatass porkers too." I complained to my dad, at which point my gran faked being inebriated. My dad rolled his eyes and said, "She's DRUNK, honey. Chill out." FML

#20815079
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45432) - you deserved it (5358)

On 08/01/2013 at 10:46am - misc - by fuckoffgran (woman) - Ireland



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