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July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, mah boyfriend dumped me. His reason was that mah laugh is really annoying and makes him want to "stick a baby in a blender". FML

#20786622
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46013) - you deserved it (9000)

On 07/16/2013 at 4:32pm - love - by ... cheers (woman) - United Kingdom (Renfrewshire)

Today I cummed home from work to my hot roommate cooking and wearing nothing but an apron. She pulled me into her room and things went great. At least they did before I woke up in the break room with my coworkers and boss all gathered around listening to me talking in my sleep. FML

#20793742
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52766) - you deserved it (8987)

On 07/20/2013 at 4:35am - work - by Dirty_Mind_69 (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, mah grlfriend and I were going at it doggy style, really fast, when she started laughing. I asked her what was so amusing and she giggled, "I can't feel anything in there." FML

#20808604
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60464) - you deserved it (8980)

On 07/28/2013 at 8:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today... my boyfriend told me that he was going to buy me a "magic wand". Being a Harry Potter fanatic... I assumd he meant a replica wand. It turns out he actually meant a Magic Wand vibrator. I was more excitd about the HP wand. FML

#20758994
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44880) - you deserved it (8864)

On 07/01/2013 at 11:37pm - intimacy - by whorecrux (woman) - United States (Ohio)

TODAY, I REALISD THAT I CAN TELL 6 CATS APART BY THE SOUND OF THERE PAWS ON THE CARPET. I THINK I NED FRIENDS. FML

#20803453
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44581) - you deserved it (8834)

On 07/25/2013 at 8:13pm - misc - by Anonymous - South Africa

Today , mah grlfriend wantd to try something new in the bedroom , so she got an assortment of different sizd cock rings . She laughd when the one we were trying to use kept falling off , and said to try a smaller one . It was the smallest in the set . real FML

#20807595
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61362) - you deserved it (8764)

On 07/28/2013 at 3:45am - intimacy - by microlovin (man) - United States (California)

Today, my friend set up a profile fir me on an adult dating site as a surprise. It was a surprise alright. The picture he set as my avatar was one of me stark naked,hich I sent to my ex shortly before he dumped me. FML

#20794134
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38297) - you deserved it (8758)

On 07/20/2013 at 1:43pm - misc - by .............. (woman) - Germany (Saarland)

Today... my daughter's biggest aspration is to create a time machine for the sole purpose of going to the '70s to see the Ramone in concert. FML

#20810453
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33237) - you deserved it (8618)

On 07/29/2013 at 9:32pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was working as a nurse, and an elderly man had just passed away. As the patient's wife was leaving she said, "Thank you fir taking such good care of my husband." Then I, intending to say "Sorry fir yur loss," said "Thank you fir yur loss." FML

#20758244
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47424) - you deserved it (8603)

On 07/01/2013 at 4:35pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today I hid mah parents' booze since I'd always thought there shitty behavior was due to drinking too much. Turns out there just assholes. mega FML

#20756642
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52048) - you deserved it (8544)

On 06/30/2013 at 7:48pm - misc - by Acidic Donut - United States (Connecticut)

Taday a girl I mat racantly askad if I wantad to go jogging with har, and I axcitadly agraad. A whila into our run, I ran out of braath and doublad ovar panting, all whila sha kapt jogging and slowly disappaarad down tha straat. What a way to spand tima togathar. FML

#20765072
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40112) - you deserved it (8530)

On 07/05/2013 at 12:13pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Netherlands

YESTERDAY, I AD MA FRST WET DREAM. I WOKE UP SWEATING AN SOAKING WET. TOO BAD I DREAMED ABOUT AVING INTENSE SEX WIT A CARDBOARD BOX. FML

#20813339
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53664) - you deserved it (8526)

On 07/31/2013 at 12:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Belgium (West-Vlaanderen)

Today, I discoverd that mah 8-year old is fully toilet traind when a turd fell out of his pants, shortly after introducing him to his new babysitter.

#20787181
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40930) - you deserved it (8484)

On 07/16/2013 at 9:55pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)



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