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July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I came home from work to my hot roommate cooking and wearing nothing but an apron. She pulled me into her room and things went great. At least, they did before I woke up in the break room with my coworkers and boss all gathered around, listening to me talking in my sleep. FML

#20793742
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52621) - you deserved it (8970)

On 07/20/2013 at 4:35am - work - by Dirty_Mind_69 (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my girlfriend and I were going at it doggy style, really fast, when she started laughing. I asked her what was so amusing and she giggled, "I can't feel anything in there." FML

#20808604
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60234) - you deserved it (8961)

On 07/28/2013 at 8:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, while taking my boyfriend's virginity, he started moaning, "Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!" He then started crying and praying. FML

#20810724
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56903) - you deserved it (8890)

On 07/29/2013 at 11:43pm - intimacy - by JustSomeGuy - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend told me that he was going to buy me a "magic wand". Being a Harry Potter fanatic, I assumed he meant a replica wand. It turns out he actually meant a Magic Wand vibrator. I was more excited about the HP wand. FML

#20758994
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44727) - you deserved it (8840)

On 07/01/2013 at 11:37pm - intimacy - by whorecrux (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I realised that I can tell my 6 cats apart by the sound of their paws on the carpet. I think I need friends. FML

#20803453
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44478) - you deserved it (8821)

On 07/25/2013 at 8:13pm - misc - by Anonymous - South Africa

Today, my friend set up a profile for me on an adult dating site as a surprise. It was a surprise alright. The picture he set as my avatar was one of me stark naked, which I sent to my ex shortly before he dumped me. FML

#20794134
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38175) - you deserved it (8748)

On 07/20/2013 at 1:43pm - misc - by .............. (woman) - Germany (Saarland)

Today, I was working as a nurse, and an elderly man had just passed away. As the patient's wife was leaving she said, "Thank you for taking such good care of my husband." Then I, intending to say "Sorry for your loss," said "Thank you for your loss." FML

#20758244
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47277) - you deserved it (8581)

On 07/01/2013 at 4:35pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I had my first wet dream. I woke up sweating and soaking wet. Too bad I dreamed about having intense sex with a cardboard box. FML

#20813339
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53465) - you deserved it (8509)

On 07/31/2013 at 12:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Belgium (West-Vlaanderen)

Today, my girlfriend wanted to try something new in the bedroom, so she got an assortment of different sized cock rings. She laughed when the one we were trying to use kept falling off, and said to try a smaller one. It was the smallest in the set. FML

#20807595
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58979) - you deserved it (8472)

On 07/28/2013 at 3:45am - intimacy - by microlovin (man) - United States (California)

Today, I discovered that my 8-year old is not fully toilet trained when a turd fell out of his pants, shortly after introducing him to his new babysitter. FML

#20787181
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40783) - you deserved it (8462)

On 07/16/2013 at 9:55pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, a girl I met recently asked if I wanted to go jogging with her, and I excitedly agreed. A while into our run, I ran out of breath and doubled over panting, all while she kept jogging and slowly disappeared down the street. What a way to spend time together. FML

#20765072
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39385) - you deserved it (8401)

On 07/05/2013 at 12:13pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Netherlands

Today, I hid my parents' booze since I'd always thought their shitty behavior was due to drinking too much. Turns out they're just assholes. FML

#20756642
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50237) - you deserved it (8363)

On 06/30/2013 at 7:48pm - misc - by Acidic Donut - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my daughter's biggest aspiration is to create a time machine for the sole purpose of going to the '70s to see the Ramones in concert. FML

#20810453
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33137) - you deserved it (8356)

On 07/29/2013 at 9:32pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)



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