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July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, after mowing my neighbor's lawn for 3 years for free without being asked to, he finally came out while I was in the middle of it. Expecting a "Thank you" or some cash, he instead said, "You missed a spot" and walked back inside. FML

Today, I was having dinner at a long-time friend's place. In a matter of 15 minutes, her mom had managed to establish unequivocally that three kinds of people were ruining the world: vegetarians, atheists and homosexuals. I'm all three rolled into one. She knows that. FML

#20804013
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44561) - you deserved it (14714)

On 07/26/2013 at 1:31am - misc - by WhyThankYou (woman) - Lebanon (Beyrouth)

Today, I announced my third pregnancy to my family. My dad's only reaction was to scoff, "Really? Stop breeding already." FML

#20780277
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43364) - you deserved it (14345)

On 07/13/2013 at 4:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, a kid was ranting that "people these days are so rude" and that "things were much better in the '50s." Annoyed, I asked the delusional twat what was so great about the racial segregation, rampant sexism, homophobia, and all the rest back then. He responded by punching me. FML

#20792660
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43441) - you deserved it (14267)

On 07/19/2013 at 4:36pm - health - by "people these days" (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was buying condoms but was a little embarrassed so I went to the self-check. I scanned the condoms, then a magazine and tried to put the condoms under the magazines to hide them. The store guy saw me, thought I was shoplifting and I was kicked out of the store. FML

#20801510
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38810) - you deserved it (14238)

On 07/24/2013 at 4:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my girlfriend and I attempted some bondage for the first time. Within seconds of the handcuffs being put on, I went into a serious panic attack. I was playing the dominant; my girlfriend was the one in cuffs. FML

#20806809
118 comments

Today, while lying in bed, my boyfriend began to stroke my nose. "You can pick your girlfriend, but you can't pick your girlfriend's nose," I said playfully. In response, he shouted "Yes, I can!" before painfully jamming his pinky up my left nostril. FML

#20789918
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38978) - you deserved it (13696)

On 07/18/2013 at 3:41am - misc - by booger (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was about to make a left turn. In the turn lane a little old lady was waiting for the light to change. On the back of her car was a bumper sticker that said "Honk if you love Jesus!" I gave her a honk and waved. She leaned out and yelled, "The light's red, asshole." FML

#20786059
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45282) - you deserved it (13448)

On 07/16/2013 at 9:12am - misc - by TNDriver (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, while ironing some shirts, my cat decided to hop up and investigate. To prevent him from burning himself, I instinctively moved the iron away and placed it flat on my other hand. FML

#20773891
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42628) - you deserved it (13187)

On 07/10/2013 at 4:58am - animals - by kutekittykatz (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, I had my driver's test in rural Maine. I hit a cow. FML

#20777070
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46768) - you deserved it (13179)

On 07/12/2013 at 1:24am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I was pretending to be a ballerina. I was dancing around my room, making a complete dick of myself. I eventually caught sight of a pair of guys grinning and filming me with their cellphones through my window. FML

#20811460
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38797) - you deserved it (12840)

On 07/30/2013 at 12:42pm - misc - by kiwichick4life (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I confessed to losing my wife's engagement ring, and replacing it with a lookalike months ago. My wife also confessed that her actual engagement ring was locked in the safe, and the one I lost had been a fake. I've been paying the replacement off on my credit card for 6 months. FML

#20798091
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41154) - you deserved it (12566)

On 07/22/2013 at 6:30pm - love - by RonnieG (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I tried to help a bird who had broken his wing. I walked straight into a door while looking down at him in my hands, and ended up all but breaking his other wing. FML

#20809873
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40172) - you deserved it (12405)

On 07/29/2013 at 3:11pm - animals - by TehUglyLife (woman) - United States (Florida)



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