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July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend and I were out cliff jumping, when for the first time, he told me he loved me. I panicked and pushed him over the edge and into the water. He's now in hospital. FML

#20770545
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30209) - you deserved it (66592)

On 07/08/2013 at 1:27pm - love - by Erica (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to my father for advice. I've been seeing a wonderful girl for the past month, and I feel terrible about it, because I already have a girlfriend. He said "Kill yourself" and that if I "can't even do that right" then to get out of his house, because he disowns me. FML

#20805096
280 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28484) - you deserved it (65242)

On 07/26/2013 at 6:11pm - love - by i suck, this i know :( (man) - Malawi (Blantyre)

Today, I was chatting online with several relatives, discussing our family reunion. Bored out of my mind, I clicked to rename the conversation to "Boring shit with almost dead people." I didn't know it'd rename it for everyone. FML

Today, I tried acid for the first time while camping with my best friend. A drunk driver smashed into my car, leaving it totaled. I had to explain the situation to a cop all while thinking my car was bleeding green ooze. FML

#20759193
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24633) - you deserved it (63631)

On 07/02/2013 at 1:24am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I held a house party. For fun, I made sure all the beer was alcohol-free, so I could see which of my friends would be weak-minded enough to end up acting drunk. Three did. I was one of them. FML

#20782525
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23921) - you deserved it (61352)

On 07/14/2013 at 5:25pm - misc - by scheisse (woman) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, I realized that getting wasted before finals is not a good idea. I sat down in the test hall, reached into my bag for a pencil, and found instead three baby carrots and a spoon. FML

#20757745
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18965) - you deserved it (59105)

On 07/01/2013 at 10:39am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was browsing porn in my room, when my dad barged in. I quickly switched to another tab, only to see it was parked on another porn page. I had another browser window open, so I switched to that. More porn. My dad said, "Riiiggghhhttt... You need help, son." FML

#20779957
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27987) - you deserved it (54866)

On 07/13/2013 at 1:22pm - misc - by fuck (man) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, trying to flirt with a girl, I was trying to make it out as if I had a great sex life. I got stuck between saying "100% customer satisfaction" and "no complaints" and blurted out "100% customer complaints." FML

#20796252
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27303) - you deserved it (53986)

On 07/21/2013 at 7:58pm - intimacy - by MarkQ95 (man) - Ireland

Today, I needed a change of clothes, so I called my mom. She brought me a grey shirt with a toucan on the front and Mexico City spelled in glitter. I asked her why she would bring me such an ugly shirt, and she started crying. Turns out she bought it for me as a present from her trip. FML

#20762834
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26014) - you deserved it (50867)

On 07/04/2013 at 1:07am - misc - by awwimanahole (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, trying to be funny in front of some friends, I held my cat above my head Lion King style. The height must have made him nervous, because he shat on my head. FML

#20788265
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28362) - you deserved it (50509)

On 07/17/2013 at 12:02pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend said she wanted to get a little crazy and try some role-play. "Act like you don't want it," she said. Without thinking, I replied, "Well, that should be easy." FML

#20790896
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29587) - you deserved it (50052)

On 07/18/2013 at 5:48pm - intimacy - by FootinMouth (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I received a text from my dad, which was borderline-incomprehensible due to an insane amount of text language. I replied, jokingly asked if he had a stroke while writing it. A few seconds after hitting send, I remembered the stroke he suffered last month. FML

#20777593
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20576) - you deserved it (49927)

On 07/12/2013 at 12:35pm - misc - by hellbound (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was eating a corndog, when my boyfriend jokingly told me to "take it deeper". I did, and ended up choking and throwing up all over the table. FML

#20775966
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26025) - you deserved it (49204)

On 07/11/2013 at 1:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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