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June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was teasing my 6-year-old sister about having a boyfriend. I asked her, "Did he take his shirt off?" She promptly said no. A few minutes later, she said, "But he did take his pants off." I then asked why. She said, "To show me his penis." FML

#20743211
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53512) - you deserved it (7870)

On 06/23/2013 at 7:36pm - kids - by joe - United States (Maryland)

Today, while running, a man ran up next to me and started jogging with me. He asked if he could run with me and I said yes. Later, when I told him I was going home, he followed me home. When I asked him to leave, he say down on my lawn in protest. He has been there for over 4 hours. FML

#20738304
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51220) - you deserved it (7728)

On 06/21/2013 at 12:26am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was eating lunch when my grandmother came over and started watching me. Suddenly she said, "I see you're getting breasts". I'm a guy. FML

#20736581
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38565) - you deserved it (7721)

On 06/20/2013 at 1:49am - misc - by ohmygod (man) - United States

Today, I was bombarded with phone calls from debt collectors. After some investigation, it turns out my grandma, who has dementia, has been going into our mailbox and throwing away the outgoing mail because it wasn't addressed to her. I'm now apparently 3 months behind in payments. FML

#20720825
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45446) - you deserved it (7717)

On 06/12/2013 at 12:57am - money - by redvolvo23 - United States

Today, my 6-year-old son was so angry at me for not buying him overpriced candy at the airport, that he told a security guard I had a machine gun in my suitcase. The interrogation was not pleasant. FML

#20703790
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60842) - you deserved it (7623)

On 06/03/2013 at 5:16pm - kids - by VDM (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I had to go to therapy for my fear of cats. All the way there, my girlfriend kept making cat noises and scratching at me. FML

#20748338
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38841) - you deserved it (7569)

On 06/26/2013 at 12:42pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, my husband finally returned from his 18-month deployment. Sexually starved, we wasted no time getting busy. Later as we finally cooled off, I got a message from my Aunt. She was hiding in our closet the whole time to surprise us with cake for his safe return. FML

#20743795
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79402) - you deserved it (7227)

On 06/24/2013 at 12:37am - intimacy - by jgtrflynn (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, after dating for almost a year, I decided to introduce my parents to the man I was sure I'd fallen in love with. When dad saw him, his and my boyfriend's face completely dropped. I asked them what was wrong because I could feel the discomfort. Turns out, I'm dating my dad's drug dealer. FML

#20724998
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73005) - you deserved it (7222)

On 06/14/2013 at 2:48am - love - by explanations (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my husband farted, grabbed a fan and blew the smell right at me. Disgusted, I reminded him that I’m a lady, not a dude. He burst out laughing and sang, "Dude looks like a lady." FML

#20716353
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39561) - you deserved it (7189)

On 06/09/2013 at 9:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was at a swim meet, swimming as hard as I'd ever swum before. During the last lap I saw no one in the lanes next to me. Thinking I was first, I became extremely excited. When I came to the wall, I realized the reason no one else was around: They already finished the race. I was last. FML

#20724700
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47463) - you deserved it (7114)

On 06/14/2013 at 12:06am - misc - by :( - United States (Colorado)

Today, I got a concussion and several staples in my head. As it turns out, watering flowers is much more dangerous than it might sound. FML

#20716424
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36568) - you deserved it (7096)

On 06/09/2013 at 10:27pm - health - by Sean - United States

Today, my girlfriend got into bed with me and started fooling around. I had a terrible migraine, which she knew, so I asked her to stop because it wasn't helping. She then yelled at me for being "ungrateful" and "selfish", and accused me of secretly being gay. FML

#20725929
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43888) - you deserved it (7055)

On 06/14/2013 at 5:21pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I found out my old DVD player is jealous of my Blu-ray player. It fell from the top of my closet and hit me in the head. FML

#20747890
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34490) - you deserved it (7024)

On 06/26/2013 at 2:57am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Tennessee)



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