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June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I won a local arm-wrestling tournament. Too bad I have to use the prize money to repair the tendon I tore in the competition. FML

#20700407
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40015) - you deserved it (14323)

On 06/02/2013 at 12:36am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, after going out to dinner with my girlfriend, we went back to my place and things started getting hot. I went in the bathroom and put on a green condom. She wouldn't have sex with me because it looked "like a cucumber" and "cucumbers are nasty." FML

#20745688
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50017) - you deserved it (13797)

On 06/25/2013 at 12:22am - intimacy - by dan (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my puppy came into my room, and I cupped his head in my hands and bent down to kiss him. As I did, I realized that the part of his head I was kissing was covered in his own shit that he'd seemingly been rolling in. FML

#20707414
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42758) - you deserved it (13793)

On 06/05/2013 at 12:03pm - animals - by SHIT-BREATH (man) - United Kingdom (Monmouthshire)

Today, after discovering that our son is already sexually active, I asked my husband to have a talk with him. "Remember, son, it's all about the clit", wasn't what I had in mind. FML

#20713183
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60730) - you deserved it (13789)

On 06/08/2013 at 6:34am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, my dad went snooping on my laptop, and saw that I'd recently looked up 2 Girls, 1 Cup. It was out of morbid curiosity, but he thinks I'm into "satanic porn", and confiscated every electronic device I own. Now I have to sneak to the library just to check my emails. FML

#20697878
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36973) - you deserved it (13691)

On 05/31/2013 at 6:42pm - misc - by nbj10 (man) - Singapore

Today, I found out that my restaurant's food is so bad that the only reason some people visit is because they're punishing their kids. FML

#20715456
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45380) - you deserved it (13532)

On 06/09/2013 at 1:38pm - work - by not the cook (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went to a new bar with friends. After arriving I became extremely gassy; I planned a smooth release during the loud music. Little did I know the bar occasionally dips its music to hear the guests singing. When the music turned off all eyes turned to me. FML

#20731175
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41171) - you deserved it (13526)

On 06/17/2013 at 9:55am - health - by nomwar (woman) - United States

Today, I was feeding some ducks. One of them choked to death on the old bread. FML

#20744476
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47262) - you deserved it (13478)

On 06/24/2013 at 12:41pm - animals - by Anonymous - Belgium

Today, I let my step-father know exactly what I thought of him. After a few moments of awkward silence, he leaned towards me and quietly whispered, "Well you're adopted. Your parents never loved you." FML

#20707377
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53155) - you deserved it (13246)

On 06/05/2013 at 11:24am - misc - by SkeetinKeaton (man) - United States

Today, my mother threw away my brand new headphones. She saw them on the couch with duct tape on the wires and assumed they were "old, broken, and cheap." I put the tape there to avoid damaging the wires. FML

#20720827
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43296) - you deserved it (13019)

On 06/12/2013 at 12:59am - money - by why mom, why? - United States (California)

Today, I walked in on my dad masturbating to a nude photo of my mum on the computer. She passed away four years ago. FML

#20713899
267 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67839) - you deserved it (12765)

On 06/08/2013 at 4:53pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Bromley)

Today, my friend got dumped. I wanted to say, "You must be devastated", thinking, "That really sucks." I said, "You must really suck." FML

#20717146
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43169) - you deserved it (12561)

On 06/10/2013 at 7:22am - misc - by Oops (woman) - United States

Today, I tried explaining to my mom how liking her own posts on Facebook wasn't very cool. I later logged in to see she'd added all my friends and posted naked baby pictures of me, captioning them, "Now I don't have to like my own posts." FML



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