Choose the period

All time / Top of the month / Top of the week / Top of the day
May 2013

Choose a category

Today, I lent a pair of expensive headphones to a "friend" for the weekend. As a thank-you, he bought me a soda. He moved this weekend, taking the headphones with him. I lost a $250 pair of headphones for a $1 soda. FML

by Anonymous / 05/19/2013 at 12:16am / United States (Montana) / Miscellaneous

Today, my doorknob broke. While trying to impress my dad and show that I can fix things for girls, I somehow managed to lock myself in my room, with the doorknob on the other side of the door. When my dad finally heard my screams, he let me out. He had to take the whole door off. FML

by Anonymous / 05/14/2013 at 1:03pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked my father if he was proud that I have never done drugs, never drank alcohol, never had sex, never had psychological problems, never been to the hospital for something serious, never been in a fight and maintain good grades. He told me I was a boring daughter. FML

by peallow / 05/12/2013 at 1:01am / Puerto Rico / Miscellaneous

Today, my friends and I were talking about the creepy stranger that used to stalk me back in high school. I guess his looks changed a lot through the years because I found out that he's my current boyfriend of 4 months. FML

by datgirl92 / 05/24/2013 at 10:00am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I walked in on my husband making out with his accountant, the same woman who comforted me when he cheated on me the year before. FML

by Anonymous / 05/20/2013 at 4:36pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I locked my keys in my car. Good thing I went to Lowe's to make spares, which are also now locked in the car. FML

by Anonymous / 05/25/2013 at 12:50am / United States (New Jersey) / Transportation

Today, I borrowed my boyfriend's laptop. Out of curiosity, I clicked through the bookmarks in his web browser. One of them took me to a site dedicated to sex stories featuring characters from My Little Pony. FML

by bestiality? do I look like a pig? / 05/26/2013 at 4:50pm / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, in a public restroom, an elderly lady started bitching me out for not washing my hands. I was so intimidated that I did so under her accusing watch. I'm quite intolerant to many soaps, and I now have a horrible rash on my left hand because I was too frightened to explain. FML

by :( / 05/30/2013 at 5:18pm / Japan (Tokyo) / Health

Today, a friend and I were walking around a festival when out of nowhere a giant bug hit me in the face. I went into instant ninja mode, screaming and flailing. When I stopped, I realized it was just a leaf and everyone was staring at me. FML

by Anonymous / 05/02/2013 at 2:29am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to listen to yet another delusional fuckface at school bitch about how a girl he's interested in put him in the "friend-zone". I really couldn't focus on my work, so I tried to shut him up by saying he's an idiot, not least because she already has a boyfriend. I now have a black eye. FML

by getafucktoysomewhereelsedude / 05/16/2013 at 4:31pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, while at the movies, I had an uncomfortable amount of gas that I couldn't hold in any longer. I waited for a loud part in the movie to conceal it and took my chance. Problem was, the loud part ended abruptly. I didn't. FML

by Cristoforo / 05/25/2013 at 4:19am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend and I stressed out preparing for our one week holiday. We packed for the whole day, said goodbye to everyone and arrived at the airport quite exhausted after a 45-minute train ride. Turns out our flight isn't until tomorrow. The check-in lady couldn't stop laughing. FML

by Tickettoride / 05/04/2013 at 6:24am / Austria (Wien) / Holidays

Today, my boss asked me to read through a document. I gave my feedback, saying it seemed like it had been written by an 8-year-old. Turns out it was in fact written by him. FML

by anon_1996 / 05/08/2013 at 12:59pm / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Work