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May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I had to make a poster for social studies. I decided to write "Nice ass" in hieroglyphics. Turns out my teacher can read hieroglyphics. FML

#20691781
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22924) - you deserved it (47511)

On 05/28/2013 at 7:42pm - work - by Amber - United States (California)

Today, after calling the insurance plan for my new iPhone a "huge waste of money", I promptly dropped it in the store while trying to put it into my pocket, cracking the screen. FML

#20693016
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22238) - you deserved it (46912)

On 05/29/2013 at 12:24pm - money - by sammarli530 - United States (Illinois)

Today, I changed my teacher's PowerPoint picture to me making a funny face. He saw it and changed it to a picture of him, with a middle finger. FML

#20686826
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18003) - you deserved it (45830)

On 05/26/2013 at 2:46am - work - by ChangoFett - United States (California)

Today, I tried channeling Mr. Miyagi by catching a fly with my bare hands. It turned out to be a wasp. FML

#20643732
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20120) - you deserved it (45819)

On 05/05/2013 at 7:30pm - misc - by FML136969 - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was visiting my new in-laws for the first time. During an awkward silence, I took my phone and figured I'd send my friend a text jokingly saying "Mayday, mayday! Somebody save me!" My mood lightened up a little and I felt quite well until my mother-in-law's phone beeped. Yep. FML

#20690847
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22977) - you deserved it (43949)

On 05/28/2013 at 7:12am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)

Today, while at the beach, my son needed to pee. I told him to pee in the ocean. He took off his pants and peed from the beach to the water. FML

#20691712
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18124) - you deserved it (43856)

On 05/28/2013 at 7:01pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, after months of being pestered to do so, I finally read the first Harry Potter book. I hated it. Upon hearing this, my girlfriend posted the fact on Facebook, where I immediately received tons of abuse and eventual shunning by my friends, family, and coworkers. My girlfriend just laughed. FML

#20683433
309 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34852) - you deserved it (41729)

On 05/24/2013 at 8:26am - misc - by obnum - United States (New York)

Today, through sheer luck, I got talking to an actor from the Harry Potter films who I've had a crush on since I was about ten. I tried to play it cool, and pretend I didn't know who he was. Then my phone rang, with the Harry Potter theme tune. FML

#20633236
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22992) - you deserved it (41704)

On 04/30/2013 at 6:23pm - misc - by itsellie27 (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I got into a car crash, in my own garage. FML

#20643761
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20787) - you deserved it (40218)

On 05/05/2013 at 7:51pm - misc - by LilaTheGreat - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I tried lying to my parents for the first time. My mother is a neuroscientist and my father is a psychologist. Somehow, they managed to make me admit that I was lying before I'd even finished. FML

#20646351
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30844) - you deserved it (39770)

On 05/06/2013 at 8:52pm - misc - by blondie107 - United States (Texas)

Today, I thought the public restroom I was in was empty, so I started rapping. I realized the room was not empty when, recognizing the song, the person one stall over joined in. FML

#20677562
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27192) - you deserved it (39390)

On 05/21/2013 at 11:01am - misc - by crappingrapping - United States

Today, I finally convinced my mom to read Fight Club. As English isn't her first language, she occasionally asked me to translate some of the words. Her latest question: "What's a dildo?" FML

#20657087
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28388) - you deserved it (37978)

On 05/11/2013 at 8:07pm - misc - by joeidk (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I got a tattoo of the snake and staff medical symbol on my wrist. Now everyone keeps asking what illness I have; they think it's a medical bracelet substitute. FML

#20666917
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20446) - you deserved it (36677)

On 05/16/2013 at 11:01am - misc - by Calaraphea (woman) - United Kingdom (Warrington)



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