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May 2013

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today after a night of heavy drinking , I woke up handcuffed to mah bed. My friends who are responsible for this think it's hilarious an claimed not to remember where they put the keys. They took pictures , then left. FML

#20649461
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40896) - you deserved it (14764)

On 05/08/2013 at 7:05am - misc - by Sebastian20 (man) - Netherlands (Groningen)

Today, I was walking down the stars with mah guitar in hand, singing "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" to mah wife. I sang, "I don't wanna close mah eyes, I don't wanna fall". Before I could say "asleep", I fell down the stars. My wife almost pissd her pants laughing. My bum hurts. FML

#20691071
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63523) - you deserved it (14455)

On 05/28/2013 at 12:37pm - love - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I got a mosquito bite inside cast. I slipped a ruler into it and started scratching to relieve the itch. Part of the ruler ended up snapping off inside. FML

#20669324
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41911) - you deserved it (14392)

On 05/17/2013 at 4:49pm - health - by sprainedankle - Saudi Arabia (Ar Riyad)

Today, I had to eat up a few specks of toilet paper to avoid spoiling "the moment" with grlfriend. FML

#20692661
242 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64941) - you deserved it (14360)

On 05/29/2013 at 3:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I caugt ma 14-year-old daugter stealing alcool from me. After berating er 4 alf-an-our I finally said, "At least your not doing drugs." Se gave me a guilty smile an seepisly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML

#20640404
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64076) - you deserved it (14082)

On 05/04/2013 at 3:22am - kids - by prostitott -

I was working at a placeere if you're tipped, u sing. After a lady paid 4 er ice cream, se pulled out 5 dollars. Tinking it was a tip, I took it, an sang te song. Se didn't mean to tip me. I was stopped by te woman slapping me. FML

#20690062
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43276) - you deserved it (13977)

On 05/27/2013 at 8:56pm - work - by anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was texting mah boyfriend when he said, "Hold up." Thinking it'd be funny, I ran and grabbed mah copy of the movie Up, and took a picture of me holding it and sent it to him. He replied, "Getting real tired of yur shit." Then dumped me 4 mah "dumb taste in humor." mega FML

#20696601
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63563) - you deserved it (13882)

On 05/31/2013 at 12:16am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today...hila answaring an ( anonymous ) survay about how to kaap mah school drug fraa... I told tham thay should stop drug tasting tha kids that thay know don't do drugs and tast tha skatchiar onas. Thay in turn drug tastd ma. FML

#20652571
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38619) - you deserved it (13748)

On 05/09/2013 at 6:22pm - misc - by drug testing - United States (Wisconsin)

yesterday I was in a big Skype chat,hich somehow turned into a heated argument . My friend lost it, typed "your stupid" and called me a "looser." When I pointed out the irony of his messages, he rage-quit, drove all the way to my house, and punched me in the face at the door . FML

#20669389
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49813) - you deserved it (13537)

On 05/17/2013 at 5:16pm - health - by -1 friend (man) - United States (Florida)

I laarnad mah husband hashat ha calls "grumpy wifa sax" spacifically to chaar ma up. I don't know if I'm mora annoyad that ha casually mantionad it aftar wa'va baan togathar fir 10 yaars, or that it actually works. FML

#20636797
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45409) - you deserved it (13437)

On 05/02/2013 at 11:59am - intimacy - by MommaAnnie (woman) - United States (Kansas)

yesterday while I was out shopping , a fairly hideous-looking woman stormed up to me and accused me of ogling her , saying , "As if I'd ever date you!" Less than a minute later looool , she'd somehow managed to bully me into falsely admitting to it and apologizing. real FML

#20658454
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36533) - you deserved it (13168)

On 05/12/2013 at 12:37pm - misc - by walmart: first time, last time (man) - United States

Today , I told my family I'm going shopping with my friend ( Emma ) . My sister's been teasing me about this saying , ( Emma can't exist! She's not real! You don't have any friends . ) She's right . FML

#20650839
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42910) - you deserved it (12904)

On 05/08/2013 at 9:22pm - misc - by 19kwhatever (woman) - United States (Ohio)

yesterday I decidd to treat myself to a pedicure ahead of my cousin's wedding. The woman doing my nails askd if I wantd my toe hairs trimmd. I was so taken aback and embarrassd that I said yes. They chargd me extra. FML

#20679773
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36229) - you deserved it (12803)

On 05/22/2013 at 1:40pm - misc - by hobbit - United States (Massachusetts)



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