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April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, at the exact moment that I leaned over to show my dad a picture on my phone, my boyfriend texted me: "I'm no weather man, but you can expect a few inches tonight." FML

#20598564
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60080) - you deserved it (11289)

On 04/17/2013 at 1:39am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I pulled a muscle in my arm from eagerly scratching off a lottery ticket. No, I didn't win anything. FML

#20576976
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21155) - you deserved it (11250)

On 04/06/2013 at 12:59am - health - by Kotoko (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got all dressed up, in high heels and a sparkly dress, to sit in the library for most of the night so that my roommate and his friends would believe that I have a social life. FML

#20585552
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33039) - you deserved it (11204)

On 04/11/2013 at 8:00pm - misc - by InNeedOfFriends (woman) - United States

Today, I finally hooked up with the guy that I have been in love with forever. If there is such a thing as soul mates, this guy is it. He's my best friend in the whole world. It was the worst sex I have ever had. FML

#20620111
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56490) - you deserved it (11095)

On 04/25/2013 at 1:33am - intimacy - by Live Sweet -

Today, my girlfriend confessed that she had drunkenly slept with another guy last night. Since she seemed genuinely upset, and had confessed right away, I decided to forgive her the slip-up. She then angrily broke up with me, because "if I really loved her, I would've been more angry." FML

#20596072
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63792) - you deserved it (10935)

On 04/16/2013 at 9:27am - intimacy - by notacaveman (man) - Netherlands

Today, for the third time this week, a telemarketer called me. Seriously annoyed, I told him in German that I don't speak English, in an attempt to get rid of him. He then started delivering his product pitch in German. FML

#20627240
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49206) - you deserved it (10900)

On 04/28/2013 at 9:57am - misc - by Anonymous - China (Shanghai)

Today, my 25 year old brother dumped all my underwear into the fireplace for interrupting him while he was playing WoW. FML

#20593993
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39524) - you deserved it (10811)

On 04/15/2013 at 4:18pm - misc - by Kutakito (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, for the first time, I told my girlfriend of two months that I love her. She broke down in laughter and mockingly asked, "What are you, some kind of queer?" I could've sworn she was mentally older than a 5-year-old when I asked her out. I guess not. FML

#20586776
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38738) - you deserved it (10628)

On 04/12/2013 at 5:35pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I had to give a 15-minute presentation for a conference. I hadn't had the time to write out a proper speech so I decided to just wing it. My sponsor liked my presentation so much he wants me to turn it into an article. Now if only I could remember what I said. FML

#20575166
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32690) - you deserved it (10593)

On 04/04/2013 at 8:10pm - work - by BrillianceSucks (woman) - Canada

Today, I was getting into the mood with my boyfriend. Ten minutes into it, I told him to "teach me a lesson." His response: "I ain't no teacher." FML

#20629715
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42383) - you deserved it (10547)

On 04/29/2013 at 3:08am - intimacy - by unforgettablee (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend fell asleep while watching TV. I thought it would be cute to try to kiss him awake like they do in the movies. He farted. FML

#20584796
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34000) - you deserved it (10504)

On 04/11/2013 at 8:52am - love - by Wow (woman) - United States

Today, as I walked out of the local store, I noticed a young girl was sitting on the curb, crying. I nudged her with the Snickers bar I had bought earlier, thinking she needed it more than me. After looking at it, she yelled, "PEDOPHILE!", punched me in the balls, and then ran away screaming. FML

#20584129
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40779) - you deserved it (10402)

On 04/10/2013 at 8:45pm - kids - by Me - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Just as I was about to orgasm, he pulled away and said that my vagina is like a mask and that he feels like Bane from Batman. He's been talking in a Bane voice to my vagina for 30 minutes now. I guess sex is over. FML

#20586362
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56719) - you deserved it (10173)

On 04/12/2013 at 11:34am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States



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