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April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I gave my wife a birthday present. For months she'd been talking about an expensive treadmill that she wantd, so I bought it. Her reaction when she saw it was to yell, "YOU THINK I'M FAT!" and burst into tears.

#20597356
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46961) - you deserved it (8908)

On 04/16/2013 at 7:23pm - misc - by S. Fancyson - United States

Today, I Was The Victim Of A Drive-by Egging By Some Bastard Riding A Segway. He Still Got Away. FML

#20606053
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40467) - you deserved it (8767)

On 04/19/2013 at 9:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand

Today , I met new girlfriend at er ouse fir te very first time. And er 17 cats,ose names all begin wit te letter "K" , because tier all "kewl kats." FML

#20601896
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53554) - you deserved it (8658)

On 04/18/2013 at 10:37am - love - by obnum - United States

Today I had a job interview at the local donut shop. It turns out I misunderstood the position and that the job was actually to wear a donut costume and wave at cars outside the shop. I was told this after I got hired. FML

#20630021
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39861) - you deserved it (8476)

On 04/29/2013 at 9:39am - work - by sdeeter (man) - United States

MY BOSS FIRED ME FROM MAH JOB AT A LOCAL FAMILY-OWNED BUSINESS!! THANKS, MOM!! FML

#20571565
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34615) - you deserved it (8468)

On 04/02/2013 at 12:15pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I sent a grl a friendly conversation starter on Facebook. Se replied, "I know wat you guys r like. O, and tat invitation to a date in about 5 messages time? Not a cance." FML

#20632227
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39395) - you deserved it (8404)

On 04/30/2013 at 4:50am - love - by Porter_Robinson (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I played Call of Duty wit ma new flatmate. He continuously lost and was outraged tat a grl beat im. It resulted in im souting at me, claiming tat since I'm Muslim, I must be part of te Taliban,ic would explain ma gaming skills. FML

#20584680
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44688) - you deserved it (8403)

On 04/11/2013 at 5:11am - misc - by zahra_786 (woman) - United Kingdom

Today... while trying to find phone in the depths of the sheets on bed... I gave comforter a huge shake. looool A second later... I heard a crash. My phone had miraculously flown straight into the glass of water on nightstand. Found it. FML

#20593500
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40143) - you deserved it (8360)

On 04/15/2013 at 12:25pm - misc - by Reno - United States (Nevada)

Today, I woke up to my broter copping all my bangs off!! Wen I yelled at im, e could only sout back, ( You can see clearly now, te bangs r gone! ) looool FML

#20599244
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51289) - you deserved it (8353)

On 04/17/2013 at 12:13pm - kids - by my dumb bro - United States (Arkansas)

Today , I was having sex with my boyfriend , and I told him I was close to having an orgasm. He smirked and started talking lyk Yoda , saying , "Strong with the cum , this one is". Orgasm gone. FML

#20583515
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51393) - you deserved it (8254)

On 04/10/2013 at 12:32pm - intimacy - by iwassoclose - United States

I was driving home from a friend's house after a night of partying . Suddenly.. . I had to poop worse than I ever had to in mah entire life . The pain was so bad I had to pull over and pretend to be checking mah tireshile I let out the entire contents of mah bowels onto the road . FML

#20579905
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36591) - you deserved it (8226)

On 04/07/2013 at 9:47pm - health - by poopy pants - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I Ad To Explain To Ma Friend Tat Te Ot Girl E's Been Sending Nudes To And Cybering Wit Fir Te Past Mont Is Probably A Bored, Fat-as-fuck, Balding Male Living In Is Mum's Basement. Te Look On Is Face After I Proved Tat "er" Pictures Were Fake Broke Ma Eart. FML

#20623794
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41789) - you deserved it (8179)

On 04/26/2013 at 7:58pm - misc - by sanoria51 (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was hanging out with some friends, and I had to take a dump. After I was done, I realizd there was no more toilet paper, so I askd my friend to get me some. They threw in duct tape, sandpaper, and saran wrap, and told me to make a decision. FML

#20613218
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50417) - you deserved it (8169)

On 04/22/2013 at 2:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States



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