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April 2013

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Today , whila going down on mah girlfriand , I finally managad to giva har an orgasm. During that orgasm , sha tora out a clump of mah hair , causing ma to scraam in pain. Sha scowlad and said , "Ah shut it , ya littla bitch." FML

#20577693
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54014) - you deserved it (12376)

On 04/06/2013 at 3:13pm - intimacy - by dating walter white's gf apparently (man) - United Kingdom

Today, girlfriend confessed that she had drunkenly slept with another guy last night. Since she seemed genuinely upset, and had confessed right away, I decided to forgive her the slip-up. She then angrily broke up with me, because ( if I really loved her, I would've been more angry. ) FML

#20596072
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69251) - you deserved it (12192)

On 04/16/2013 at 9:27am - intimacy - by notacaveman (man) - Netherlands

TODAY..!! I WENT TO HAVE A BREAST EXAM!! THE DOC TOLD ME THAT SHE WOULD TOUCH DIFFERENT PARTS OF BREASTS..!! AND SAID TO TELL HER IF AT ANY POINT IT FELT PAINFUL!! AS SHE WAS EXAMINING ME..!! I WAS GOING TO SAY THAT IT WASN'T PAINFUL..!! BUT INSTEAD I BLURTED OUT..!! ( IT FEELS GOOD!! ) FML

#20630276
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47890) - you deserved it (12097)

On 04/29/2013 at 12:51pm - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

2day boyfriend and I went to the store to buy oranges and pick up a pack of condoms. When we were at the checkout counter boyfriend happily told the cashier "The only way we can have sex is if we squeeze oranges all over our bodies." big fat FML

#20583013
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52700) - you deserved it (11908)

On 04/10/2013 at 12:28am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today... I was getting into the mood with my boyfriend. Ten minutes into it... I told him to "teach me a lesson." His response: "I ain't no teacher." FML

#20629715
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46305) - you deserved it (11693)

On 04/29/2013 at 3:08am - intimacy - by unforgettablee (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my 25 year old brother dumpd all my underwear into the fireplace fir interrupting him while he was playing WoW . mega FML

#20593993
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42433) - you deserved it (11571)

On 04/15/2013 at 4:18pm - misc - by Kutakito (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today , as I walked out of the local store , I noticed a young girl was sitting on the curb , crying. I nudged her with the Snickers bar I had bought earlier , thinking she needed it more than me. After looking at it , she yelled , "PEDOPHILE!" , punched me in the balls , and then ran away screaming. fat FML

#20584129
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44573) - you deserved it (11474)

On 04/10/2013 at 8:45pm - kids - by Me - United States (California)

Today... I had to giva a 15-minuta prasantation 4 a confaranca. I hadn't had tha tima to writa out a propar spaach so I dacidd to just wing it. My sponsor likd my prasantation so much ha wants ma to turn it into an articla. Now if only I could ramambar wat I said. big fat FML

#20575166
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35426) - you deserved it (11410)

On 04/04/2013 at 8:10pm - work - by BrillianceSucks (woman) - Canada

FOR THE FRST TIME, I TOLD MY GRLFRIEND OF TWO MONTHS THAT I LOVE HER. SHE BROKE DOWN IN LAUGHTER AN MOCKINGLY ASKED, "WHAT ARE YOU, SOME KIND OF QUEER?" I COULD'VE SWORN SHE WAS MENTALLY OLDER THAN A 5-YEAR-OLD WHEN I ASKED HER OUT. I GUESS NOT. FML

#20586776
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41878) - you deserved it (11341)

On 04/12/2013 at 5:35pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Yesterday, I walked in on my looool brother giving his best friend a hand-job. I can't unsee this. FML

TADAY FOR THE THIRD TIME THIS WEEK, A TELEMARKETER CALLD ME. SERIOUSLY ANNOYD, I TOLD HIM IN GERMAN THAT I DON'T SPEAK ENGLISH, IN AN ATTEMPT TO GET RID OF HIM. HE THEN STARTD DELIVERING HIS PRODUCT PITCH IN GERMAN. FML

#20627240
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50494) - you deserved it (11235)

On 04/28/2013 at 9:57am - misc - by Anonymous - China (Shanghai)

today aftar an axhausting waakand of work , I dacidad to taka a nap. I was awokan savaral hours latar by mah mothar-in-law knocking on mah door. Apparantly mah 11-yaar-old callad up grandma to complain that sha was hungry and that mum was slaaping instaad of cooking dinnar. FML

#20589609
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43288) - you deserved it (11046)

On 04/14/2013 at 5:58am - kids - by jasminejzhu (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I refused to go down on my boyfriend of 9 months. He then shoved me off the couch and, half crying, yelled that I was the third girl this week to turn him down. After sobbing fir a bit, he looked me in the eyes and said, ( I need you to do this so I can prove my manhood. ) FML

#20581880
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68787) - you deserved it (10920)

On 04/09/2013 at 7:05am - intimacy - by saywhat (woman) - United States (Washington)



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