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April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while going down on my girlfriend, I finally managed to give her an orgasm. During that orgasm, she tore out a clump of my hair, causing me to scream in pain. She scowled and said, "Ah shut it, ya little bitch." FML

#20577693
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53981) - you deserved it (12371)

On 04/06/2013 at 3:13pm - intimacy - by dating walter white's gf apparently (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend confessed that she had drunkenly slept with another guy last night. Since she seemed genuinely upset, and had confessed right away, I decided to forgive her the slip-up. She then angrily broke up with me, because "if I really loved her, I would've been more angry." FML

#20596072
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69205) - you deserved it (12189)

On 04/16/2013 at 9:27am - intimacy - by notacaveman (man) - Netherlands

Today, I went to have a breast exam. The doc told me that she would touch different parts of my breasts, and said to tell her if at any point it felt painful. As she was examining me, I was going to say that it wasn't painful, but instead I blurted out, "It feels good." FML

#20630276
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47868) - you deserved it (12092)

On 04/29/2013 at 12:51pm - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the store to buy oranges and pick up a pack of condoms. When we were at the checkout counter, my boyfriend happily told the cashier, "The only way we can have sex is if we squeeze oranges all over our bodies." FML

#20583013
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52663) - you deserved it (11899)

On 04/10/2013 at 12:28am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was getting into the mood with my boyfriend. Ten minutes into it, I told him to "teach me a lesson." His response: "I ain't no teacher." FML

#20629715
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46272) - you deserved it (11684)

On 04/29/2013 at 3:08am - intimacy - by unforgettablee (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my 25 year old brother dumped all my underwear into the fireplace for interrupting him while he was playing WoW. FML

#20593993
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42411) - you deserved it (11573)

On 04/15/2013 at 4:18pm - misc - by Kutakito (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, as I walked out of the local store, I noticed a young girl was sitting on the curb, crying. I nudged her with the Snickers bar I had bought earlier, thinking she needed it more than me. After looking at it, she yelled, "PEDOPHILE!", punched me in the balls, and then ran away screaming. FML

#20584129
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44551) - you deserved it (11472)

On 04/10/2013 at 8:45pm - kids - by Me - United States (California)

Today, I had to give a 15-minute presentation for a conference. I hadn't had the time to write out a proper speech so I decided to just wing it. My sponsor liked my presentation so much he wants me to turn it into an article. Now if only I could remember what I said. FML

#20575166
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35403) - you deserved it (11405)

On 04/04/2013 at 8:10pm - work - by BrillianceSucks (woman) - Canada

Today, for the first time, I told my girlfriend of two months that I love her. She broke down in laughter and mockingly asked, "What are you, some kind of queer?" I could've sworn she was mentally older than a 5-year-old when I asked her out. I guess not. FML

#20586776
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41865) - you deserved it (11339)

On 04/12/2013 at 5:35pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I walked in on my brother giving his best friend a hand-job. I can't unsee this. FML

Today, for the third time this week, a telemarketer called me. Seriously annoyed, I told him in German that I don't speak English, in an attempt to get rid of him. He then started delivering his product pitch in German. FML

#20627240
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50460) - you deserved it (11233)

On 04/28/2013 at 9:57am - misc - by Anonymous - China (Shanghai)

Today, after an exhausting weekend of work, I decided to take a nap. I was awoken several hours later by my mother-in-law knocking on my door. Apparently my 11-year-old called up grandma to complain that she was hungry and that mum was sleeping instead of cooking dinner. FML

#20589609
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42897) - you deserved it (10971)

On 04/14/2013 at 5:58am - kids - by jasminejzhu (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I refused to go down on my boyfriend of 9 months. He then shoved me off the couch and, half crying, yelled that I was the third girl this week to turn him down. After sobbing for a bit, he looked me in the eyes and said, "I need you to do this so I can prove my manhood." FML

#20581880
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68809) - you deserved it (10914)

On 04/09/2013 at 7:05am - intimacy - by saywhat (woman) - United States (Washington)



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