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April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I had to go to the clinic for a physical. The nurse asked me for a pee sample; however, I had no urine to give. After 20 minutes of standing at the stall I was able to squeeze half a cup of pee. As I approached the sink to cover the sample, I somehow managed to drop it all over myself. FML

#20589296
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43595) - you deserved it (16032)

On 04/14/2013 at 1:10am - health - by NoPeeGiven - United States (Illinois)

Today, my husband laughed at me for farting in the bathtub; I lied by admitting to it. The fact is that I have enough back-fat to create suction against the bathtub. FML

#20618145
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40842) - you deserved it (15844)

On 04/24/2013 at 11:20am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I pulled a muscle in my arm from eagerly scratching off a lottery ticket. No, I didn't win anything. FML

#20576976
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24407) - you deserved it (14968)

On 04/06/2013 at 12:59am - health - by Kotoko (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, after an exhausting weekend of work, I decided to take a nap. I was awoken several hours later by my mother-in-law knocking on my door. Apparently my 11-year-old called up grandma to complain that she was hungry and that mum was sleeping instead of cooking dinner. FML

#20589609
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40979) - you deserved it (14856)

On 04/14/2013 at 5:58am - kids - by jasminejzhu (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I offered to pay my boyfriend to buy me flowers. He still refused. FML

#20584487
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37484) - you deserved it (14255)

On 04/11/2013 at 12:53am - love - by flowerging (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend was watching TV, when we started getting frisky. I'd just started to give him a blowjob when he pushed me off and said, "Fun's over." Dragon Ball Z had just come back on. He's 21. FML

#20632729
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53413) - you deserved it (13935)

On 04/30/2013 at 1:35pm - intimacy - by SecondBest,IGuess (woman) - United States

Today, I went on my first date. Everything went great until I went to brush my date's hair over her ear like they do in the movies. I poked her dead in the eye. FML

#20606348
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40516) - you deserved it (13813)

On 04/19/2013 at 10:55pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was excited for my first date in a while, with a "tall handsome business man." Turns out he "doesn't feel emotions anymore", likes getting peed on, and "doesn't do condoms." Thanks, internet dating. FML

#20620574
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51423) - you deserved it (13761)

On 04/25/2013 at 11:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I uploaded a cute photo of my boyfriend and me on Facebook. Ten minutes later, his friend commented: "Dude! You're supposed to capture the Snorlax, not date it!" FML

#20587403
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47434) - you deserved it (13614)

On 04/13/2013 at 12:25am - love - by Snorlax (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was buying condoms at Walmart. I grabbed the XL size, and the cashier commented, "Ahh, you'll definitely need a smaller size." FML

#20573161
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30784) - you deserved it (13548)

On 04/03/2013 at 12:57pm - misc - by nottoosmall - United States

Today, trying to be friendly, I said good morning to the creepy guy at work. He responded by wordlessly hugging me. I was touched, until I realized he was trying to unhook my bra. FML

#20588922
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43989) - you deserved it (13520)

On 04/13/2013 at 9:14pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I popped a pimple while stopped at a red light. When I looked over the woman in the car next to me was hysterically laughing, and had her camera phone out. FML

#20627066
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35694) - you deserved it (13508)

On 04/28/2013 at 6:28am - health - by msarosi - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I agreed to go on a date with the creepy guy from my Economics class because I'm so broke that I could really use the free meal. FML

#20628307
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44260) - you deserved it (13426)

On 04/28/2013 at 6:24pm - love - by shameless - United States (Georgia)



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