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April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I got ancestry DNA tests for my parents and myself. The DNA testing company informed me that I'm a 50% match for my mother but I share no DNA with my father. Apparently, both my parents forgot that they used a sperm donor. This insignificant detail has slipped their minds for 35 years. FML

#20600180
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48817) - you deserved it (3090)

On 04/17/2013 at 6:56pm - misc - by Flora (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was very worried about my girlfriend of two years. She has recently moved into her apartment, and I hadn't heard from her for four days. Don't worry, though, she's fine. According to her mother's Facebook, she moved in with her old boyfriend. FML

#20578406
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48434) - you deserved it (3084)

On 04/07/2013 at 12:07am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, it's my 17th birthday, and the first birthday since my mother died, leaving me to live with my previously-absent father. He gave me pretzels and a laser pointer, and said, "Happy birthday, fuckstick". One more year. FML

#20581667
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64084) - you deserved it (3070)

On 04/09/2013 at 12:59am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I woke up from a nightmare that I've been having for a couple of weeks. In the nightmare I'm shot four times in the back by none other than my mother. I'm getting worried. FML

#20575675
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31105) - you deserved it (3020)

On 04/05/2013 at 1:28am - misc - by slightlyworried (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my boss made me give a presentation to several senior company officials about the serious financial losses our division has made this year. Barely an hour later, my boss had palmed all the blame off onto me and gotten me fired. FML

#20605914
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38072) - you deserved it (3017)

On 04/19/2013 at 8:16pm - work - by unemployed (woman) - El Salvador (San Salvador)

Today, I had to proof-read a terrible paper containing a bunch of mistakes. It took me 4 hours and I didn't eat dinner until I was done. His response when he got it back was, "What the fuck did you do to my paper?! You bitch!" FML

#20569253
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34857) - you deserved it (3015)

On 03/31/2013 at 10:59pm - misc - by pissed_off_girl - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was denounced for being a terrible person, because my family raises chickens, some of which we eat. I was then told how cruel I am for "killing innocent birds" and that "good" people buy their meat from the supermarket. FML

#20623167
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48420) - you deserved it (2977)

On 04/26/2013 at 2:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Mexico (Baja California)

Today, I was coming home from a much-needed vacation. The time I spent on the plane consisted of kids screaming and throwing tantrums. One of them managed to give me a black eye with a shoe. Their mom pretended to be asleep so I'd have to deal with her kids for her. FML

#20626326
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42706) - you deserved it (2936)

On 04/27/2013 at 10:30pm - health - by Satan'sChildren - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, a huge and angry man stormed into my work and threatened to kill me if I didn't stop sleeping with his wife. He then threatened to come back and kick my ass if I so much as texted his wife again. The problem is, I'm married, have never cheated and I work for my wife's father. FML

#20622462
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55134) - you deserved it (2923)

On 04/26/2013 at 1:20am - love - by sad guy - United States

Today, a girl punched me square in the face, effectively leaving it with purple swellings because I called her boyfriend an "uncle". Said boyfriend IS my uncle. FML

#20571521
122 comments

Today, I overheard my grandpa telling my mom he'd found a load of porn in my laptop's browser history, but that he deleted all the "filth" so she wouldn't have to see it. She believed him and I got grounded, much to his amusement. I've never looked up porn on that computer in my life. FML

#20623130
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42310) - you deserved it (2897)

On 04/26/2013 at 1:34pm - misc - by thats what my ipod is for (man) - United States

Today, I had to be rushed to the hospital when I started sneezing uncontrollably and got a huge rash. It turns out I'm highly allergic to a chemical in most cleaning supplies. Great. I just got a job as a house cleaner for a very rich family. FML

#20632205
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44815) - you deserved it (2817)

On 04/30/2013 at 4:04am - health - by ava_henryy - United States (Washington)

Today, while working the drive-through, a woman ordered a large coffee with four creams. I handed her the coffee, and she took a sip. She then hurled it at me, screaming, "I said four creams, not five!" and sped off, leaving me drenched in hot coffee. FML

#20576074
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39215) - you deserved it (2790)

On 04/05/2013 at 12:26pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States



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