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April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I walked in on my 12-year-old daughter lying on her bed, repeatedly opening and closing her legs. I asked her what she was doing, and she replied, "Trying to queef. I saw it online." FML

#20605608
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58462) - you deserved it (7211)

On 04/19/2013 at 6:04pm - kids - by reyoflight (man) - Brazil (Rio de Janeiro)

Today, my husband tried to haggle a blowjob out of me in exchange for taking his first shower in nearly two weeks. FML

#20605100
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46594) - you deserved it (7173)

On 04/19/2013 at 2:28pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while my boyfriend was in the kitchen, he got three text messages, all of which were from "Babe 2", "Babe 3", and "Babe 4". FML

#20607010
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59610) - you deserved it (7170)

On 04/20/2013 at 8:02am - love - by How strange - United States

Today, my friends and I were exchanging stories with one another. I barely got a few sentences in before they started mocking and viciously insulting me for saying "swaggered", claiming it comes from the slang term "swag", and that they never thought I was a "dumbass hipster". Really now? FML

#20582400
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35713) - you deserved it (7119)

On 04/09/2013 at 5:04pm - misc - by nice education you've got there (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I overheard my boyfriend telling his buddies that the main reason he got into video game modding was so he could put a virtual version of me in his games and "shoot the fuck out of that bitch". FML

#20627653
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53808) - you deserved it (7111)

On 04/28/2013 at 1:32pm - love - by gibbette (woman) - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)

Today, a girl was telling me how she was very stressed over her parents' divorce and moving away to another part of the state. While I was listening, I started choking on my saliva. She thought I was laughing. She hasn't spoken to me since. FML

#20601828
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45535) - you deserved it (7106)

On 04/18/2013 at 9:57am - misc - by notlaughing (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, in my rush to do my hair and get to work, I managed to trip over my dog, hit my eye on the counter, and sprain my ankle. I arrived at work with a black eye and a painful limp. My boss didn't care, and fired me for showing up late. FML

#20609262
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55862) - you deserved it (7092)

On 04/21/2013 at 1:07am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while on the bus, an elderly man fell asleep on my shoulder. He looked sweet, so I didn't push him off. A few minutes later, the bus jolted and his head slipped down into my breasts. I'm pretty sure you don't smile like that when you're really asleep. FML

#20574730
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41214) - you deserved it (7045)

On 04/04/2013 at 2:04pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Portugal (Lisboa)

Today, I was small talking with an elderly man, who told me that nobody cares about him. Even though I had only known him for an hour, to try and make him feel a little better I told him I care about him. He then called me a creep, stomped his cane onto my foot, and walked off. FML

#20612321
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44390) - you deserved it (6985)

On 04/22/2013 at 1:01am - misc - by 'creep' - United States (Colorado)

Today, I summoned the courage to call my abusive mother-in-law about her non-payment of the money I stupidly lent her last year. She replied, "Why don't you go deepthroat a cactus, then we'll talk about it, cunt." and then hung up on me. FML

#20628087
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57250) - you deserved it (6978)

On 04/28/2013 at 4:44pm - money - by a tad whipped (man) - Australia

Today, I had to break up with my girlfriend twice. Apparently the first time she thought I was kidding. FML

#20602951
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43790) - you deserved it (6972)

On 04/18/2013 at 6:47pm - love - by RaveCharlie - United States

Today, I admitted to my parents that I'm a pathological liar and I would like to go get help. They didn't believe me, and told me stop making stuff up. FML

Today, I can no longer leave my son at daycare, because at the age of 5, he's started manipulating the girls there into fighting over him. A kid lost a baby tooth in one such brawl. FML

#20607466
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53286) - you deserved it (6874)

On 04/20/2013 at 12:34pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Thailand



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