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April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my husband laughed at me for farting in the bathtub; I lied by admitting to it. The fact is that I have enough back-fat to create suction against the bathtub. FML

#20618145
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40368) - you deserved it (15666)

On 04/24/2013 at 11:20am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I had to go to the clinic for a physical. The nurse asked me for a pee sample; however, I had no urine to give. After 20 minutes of standing at the stall I was able to squeeze half a cup of pee. As I approached the sink to cover the sample, I somehow managed to drop it all over myself. FML

#20589296
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42282) - you deserved it (15573)

On 04/14/2013 at 1:10am - health - by NoPeeGiven - United States (Illinois)

Today, after an exhausting weekend of work, I decided to take a nap. I was awoken several hours later by my mother-in-law knocking on my door. Apparently my 11-year-old called up grandma to complain that she was hungry and that mum was sleeping instead of cooking dinner. FML

#20589609
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40156) - you deserved it (14688)

On 04/14/2013 at 5:58am - kids - by jasminejzhu (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I offered to pay my boyfriend to buy me flowers. He still refused. FML

#20584487
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37332) - you deserved it (14227)

On 04/11/2013 at 12:53am - love - by flowerging (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend was watching TV, when we started getting frisky. I'd just started to give him a blowjob when he pushed me off and said, "Fun's over." Dragon Ball Z had just come back on. He's 21. FML

#20632729
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53155) - you deserved it (13894)

On 04/30/2013 at 1:35pm - intimacy - by SecondBest,IGuess (woman) - United States

Today, I went on my first date. Everything went great until I went to brush my date's hair over her ear like they do in the movies. I poked her dead in the eye. FML

#20606348
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40397) - you deserved it (13774)

On 04/19/2013 at 10:55pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was excited for my first date in a while, with a "tall handsome business man." Turns out he "doesn't feel emotions anymore", likes getting peed on, and "doesn't do condoms." Thanks, internet dating. FML

#20620574
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51198) - you deserved it (13709)

On 04/25/2013 at 11:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was buying condoms at Walmart. I grabbed the XL size, and the cashier commented, "Ahh, you'll definitely need a smaller size." FML

#20573161
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30663) - you deserved it (13513)

On 04/03/2013 at 12:57pm - misc - by nottoosmall - United States

Today, trying to be friendly, I said good morning to the creepy guy at work. He responded by wordlessly hugging me. I was touched, until I realized he was trying to unhook my bra. FML

#20588922
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43845) - you deserved it (13500)

On 04/13/2013 at 9:14pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I popped a pimple while stopped at a red light. When I looked over the woman in the car next to me was hysterically laughing, and had her camera phone out. FML

#20627066
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35590) - you deserved it (13484)

On 04/28/2013 at 6:28am - health - by msarosi - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I saw a woman in the neighbouring apartment taking a shower without pulling the blinds of her bathroom window. As a good Samaritan, I waved my arms to attract her attention that she forgot the blinds. She noticed me, opened the window, did a weird boob dance and middle fingered me. FML

#20611911
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38067) - you deserved it (13361)

On 04/21/2013 at 10:56pm - misc - by Magicali (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I uploaded a cute photo of my boyfriend and me on Facebook. Ten minutes later, his friend commented: "Dude! You're supposed to capture the Snorlax, not date it!" FML

#20587403
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46057) - you deserved it (13317)

On 04/13/2013 at 12:25am - love - by Snorlax (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was hanging out with a guy I really like. I let him use my phone, forgetting about the messages I'd sent about the consistency of my bowel movements. FML

#20619233
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27761) - you deserved it (13129)

On 04/24/2013 at 8:16pm - misc - by public pooper - United States



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