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April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I found a pound of cooked bacon in the dryer. When I asked my roommate about it, he confessed; his excuse was that he wanted to dry up the grease before eating it. FML

Today, my doctor asked me how often I drink, and I responded, "Socially." My three-year-old piped up, "No Mom, you drink all the time." My doctor now thinks I'm a raging alcoholic. My kid has never seen me drink. FML

Today, I was sent to group therapy. A girl spent twenty minutes telling us horrible details of having been raised incestuously. A side effect of my new medication is yawning. FML

Today, a family of geese nested outside my halls of residence. They have started attacking everyone who tries to get in or out of the building. I'm basically being placed under house arrest by birds. FML

#20630234
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39339) - you deserved it (3302)

On 04/29/2013 at 12:14pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (York)

Today, I got cut from my track team. My coach told me it was because my sprints were "too fast" for his liking. Huh? FML

#20602567
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49879) - you deserved it (3297)

On 04/18/2013 at 4:34pm - misc - by bhnja_ (man) - Philippines (Mandaue)

Today, it's my wedding day. I have a cold sore that makes me look like The Joker. Make-up won't cover it and the emergency medicine my doctor gave me only irritates it more. My future husband asks, "Why so serious?" and laughs whenever he sees me. Fantastic. FML

#20633099
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39067) - you deserved it (3295)

On 04/30/2013 at 5:26pm - misc - by sharibaby (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my grandmother tried to upstage me at my wedding by wearing an actual wedding dress because she "never had a real wedding". FML

#20609675
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48496) - you deserved it (3294)

On 04/21/2013 at 8:26am - misc - by gamerguru13 - United States (New York)

Today, my cousin is visiting from Oklahoma. He can't go a minute without saying "YOLO" or "Swag". He's going to be here for a week. FML

#20572695
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39318) - you deserved it (3292)

On 04/03/2013 at 1:20am - misc - by fuck YOLO - United States (California)

Today, I was taking a walk, when an elderly lady in a motorized wheelchair slammed into me from behind. There was plenty of room to pass by, but noooo, trying to run me down like a dog, then giving me the finger and yelling "Watch where you're walking!" is so damn preferable. FML

#20591068
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37536) - you deserved it (3277)

On 04/14/2013 at 6:20pm - health - by danman (man) - United States

Today, I was given a powerful laxative to clear me out. I can't go to the bathroom because the four guests of my sleeping roommate are all sitting in dead silence against the paper-thin bathroom wall. FML

#20597317
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31120) - you deserved it (3225)

On 04/16/2013 at 7:13pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my boyfriend cheated on me with my "best friend" while I was away on vacation. She is now writing on her blog about how heartbreaking the whole situation is for her, and how she's "stuck in the middle of all this." FML

#20605576
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47361) - you deserved it (3217)

On 04/19/2013 at 5:50pm - misc - by sherrylynn (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I walked out of a job interview feeling confident because I'd really hit it off with the interviewer. He called me an hour later to tell me that I didn't get the job, since he was afraid we'd "get along too well and never get any work done." FML

#20613954
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49543) - you deserved it (3208)

On 04/22/2013 at 7:37pm - work - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was working at a daycare. There was a 6-year-old boy pretending to be my doctor, holding a little, plastic thermometer. He then, without warning, quickly shoved it deep into my ear. The last thing I heard was his giggle. I think I'm deaf. FML

#20575140
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35524) - you deserved it (3207)

On 04/04/2013 at 7:55pm - kids - by icanthearyou (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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