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April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and I told him I was close to having an orgasm. He smirked and started talking like Yoda, saying, "Strong with the cum, this one is". Orgasm gone. FML

#20583515
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44280) - you deserved it (7357)

On 04/10/2013 at 12:32pm - intimacy - by iwassoclose - United States

Today, I left my son with my husband while I went to the store. Ten minutes later, my dog was missing a large patch of fur, and neither of them can stop laughing. FML

#20599149
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37530) - you deserved it (7328)

On 04/17/2013 at 11:14am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, after paying for my groceries, I noticed that a bread-roll hadn't been charged. I felt guilty and went back to the register to pay for it. The cashier burst into derisive laughter and mockingly asked me if I was "running for Pope or something". FML

Today, I decided to be playful and leave my girlfriend flowers and chocolates from an "Anonymous Admirer". She immediately dumped me, saying she couldn't be with someone who "isn't even as romantic as a stranger". Yep, I think I just got dumped for myself. FML

#20616571
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51022) - you deserved it (7287)

On 04/23/2013 at 7:22pm - love - by BestBF - United States (Nebraska)

Today, my halitosis was so bad that when I blew onto my solution in chemistry class, it reacted. FML

#20582010
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23931) - you deserved it (7122) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/09/2013 at 6:29am - health - by Anonymous - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was dying my hair a subtly different color. It was only supposed to turn my hair a shade or two lighter, but it seems someone at the store thought it would be funny to switch the dye in the boxes around. My hair is purple. FML

Today, I asked my grandmother to hem my prom dress for me. I'm her oldest granddaughter so I thought she'd be happy to do it. She said no. Her occupation is a seamstress. FML

#20589845
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40707) - you deserved it (7038)

On 04/14/2013 at 10:22am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I fell down the stairs. My mom came running from the other room because she thought it was the dog. She rolled her eyes and walked away when she saw it was me. FML

#20588714
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41628) - you deserved it (7032)

On 04/13/2013 at 7:49pm - misc - by typical - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate for the first time. A few hours later, we discovered he's highly allergic to my Summer's Eve soap. He looks like he's been attacked by bees. Yay for losing my v-card. FML

#20597351
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44107) - you deserved it (6995)

On 04/16/2013 at 7:21pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was driving and a cute guy was staring at me. Flattered, I smiled at him, but he didn't even react. I realized he wasn't admiring me he was admiring my truck. This is the 5th time this week. My truck gets more game than I do. FML

#20622946
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44120) - you deserved it (6950)

On 04/26/2013 at 10:50am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was babysitting, and after the kids fell asleep I started hiding the Easter candy. They woke up when I was half-done, and it didn't take them long to figure out what was going on. They won't stop crying, and every time I go near them, they scream "LIAR!" FML

#20569899
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29933) - you deserved it (6866)

On 04/01/2013 at 12:02pm - kids - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was about to break up with my psycho girlfriend. As I sat her down, she told me she wanted to show me something. She then took off her shirt to reveal my name tattooed across her chest. FML

#20595753
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63783) - you deserved it (6817)

On 04/16/2013 at 3:23am - love - by guess I'm stuck - United States (California)

Today, I took my Spanish test, and I felt very confident. I got the test back later, and saw my teacher had written on it: "Congrats on the 94%, but I know you cheated." FML

#20615717
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45411) - you deserved it (6778)

On 04/23/2013 at 12:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States



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