Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML

#20618445
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71582) - you deserved it (8703)

On 04/24/2013 at 2:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I gave my wife a birthday present. For months she'd been talking about an expensive treadmill that she wanted, so I bought it. Her reaction when she saw it was to yell, "YOU THINK I'M FAT!" and burst into tears. FML

#20597356
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45384) - you deserved it (8678)

On 04/16/2013 at 7:23pm - misc - by S. Fancyson - United States

Today, while practicing a song in choir, I got a boner. Trying to cover it up, I tried sitting down. My choir teacher got mad and made me stand in front of the whole class. FML

#20615694
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65899) - you deserved it (8670)

On 04/23/2013 at 12:08pm - intimacy - by Soundofaboner - United States

Today, I was chatting online with a guy I really like, when he used the word "irregardless." I couldn't help but mention how little sense it makes, since it's a combination of two words meaning roughly the same thing. He replied, "lol what? your stupid." Jesus Christ. FML

#20576546
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29282) - you deserved it (8644)

On 04/05/2013 at 7:21pm - love - by pot, meet kettle (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, while he was eating chicken, one of my friends asked me why I'm a vegetarian. I responded that I believe in animal rights and don't like the conditions the animals are forced to live in. He looked at me incredulously before explaining that "chickens aren't animals, they're birds." FML

Today, things got pretty steamy between my boyfriend and me. We started doing stuff that neither of us had tried before. Then, he straddled me with a raging erection and boomed, "IT HAS RISEN!" He didn't understand why I was suddenly no longer in the mood. FML

#20623610
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41553) - you deserved it (8509)

On 04/26/2013 at 6:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I met my new girlfriend at her house for the very first time. And her 17 cats, whose names all begin with the letter "K", because they're all "kewl kats." FML

#20601896
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50840) - you deserved it (8370)

On 04/18/2013 at 10:37am - love - by obnum - United States

Today, my twelve year-old son thought it would be a good idea to relentlessly shoot the mail truck with a paintball gun in front of all the neighbors. FML

Today, I had a job interview at the local donut shop. It turns out I misunderstood the position, and that the job was actually to wear a donut costume and wave at cars outside the shop. I was told this after I got hired. FML

#20630021
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38704) - you deserved it (8304)

On 04/29/2013 at 9:39am - work - by sdeeter (man) - United States

Today, as I was walking down the street, a car full of hot girls pulled up and asked if I wanted to party; obviously, I said yes. They then shot at me with party poppers and threw party food all over me. FML

#20622653
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38157) - you deserved it (8283)

On 04/26/2013 at 4:36am - misc - by KingUrge (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boss fired me from my job at a local family-owned business. Thanks, mom. FML

#20571565
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33096) - you deserved it (8244)

On 04/02/2013 at 12:15pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I sent a girl a friendly conversation starter on Facebook. She replied, "I know what you guys are like. Oh, and that invitation to a date in about 5 messages time? Not a chance." FML

#20632227
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37706) - you deserved it (8153)

On 04/30/2013 at 4:50am - love - by Porter_Robinson (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I went to get my car fixed. There was a vending machine in the waiting room, and I was hungry. The snacks were overpriced, but I still had a little money left over. I noticed a bag of Cheetos hanging loose, so I paid for them, hoping to get two bags. They both got stuck. FML

#20576079
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30138) - you deserved it (8079)

On 04/05/2013 at 12:34pm - money - by Z'ev - United States (New York)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: