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April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was lying in bed with my girlfriend, when she reached over and twisted my nipples to the point of tears. I'm still not sure what in the name of Dawkins I did to deserve that. FML

#20586964
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32640) - you deserved it (12867)

On 04/12/2013 at 7:57pm - misc - by SoreNips (man) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I called a taxi after a night of partying. When it arrived, I realised I had no cash, so I told the driver I'd quickly grab some from an ATM. He made me leave my phone with him as collateral in case I was pulling a prank. He drove off the moment I turned my back. FML

#20632603
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36850) - you deserved it (12840)

On 04/30/2013 at 12:00pm - misc - by Brady (man) - Spain (Madrid)

Today, I borrowed my 23-year-old son's laptop. The sticky keyboard gave me a good idea of his browsing history. FML

#20591599
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39563) - you deserved it (12438) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/14/2013 at 7:18pm - misc - by NiquetChrome (woman) - France

Today, my school took part in a standardized state test. After finishing, I decided to take a nap, only to be awoken by the test monitor, who wanted me to leave. Apparently, I was ferociously farting in my sleep and was disturbing the people still taking the test. FML

#20618481
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55397) - you deserved it (12350)

On 04/24/2013 at 3:14pm - misc - by Skyler - United States

Today, my girlfriend's parents were out of town, so I stayed the night, hoping for some fun. Somehow, we started talking about conspiracy theories, and she spent the next half hour ranting at me about how Osama bin Laden is really still alive. FML

#20586667
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38472) - you deserved it (12276)

On 04/12/2013 at 4:17pm - intimacy - by InDisbelief (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was at my little girl's concert. She plays the clarinet, and in the middle of her solo, her phone started ringing. She decided to stop, check her phone, and continue playing. FML

#20602988
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40688) - you deserved it (12167)

On 04/18/2013 at 7:01pm - kids - by Aberrombie Blue - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I was getting ready to have sex with my boyfriend for the first time. It seems he thought I was a much larger cup size than I really am, because when he saw my actual boobs, he said, "Aaaaaaand they're gone". FML

#20624343
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56017) - you deserved it (11979)

On 04/27/2013 at 12:11am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was again turned down by a potential host family on a student exchange site. Their reasoning was basically that since I'm American, I might do something to endanger my health, get hurt, and then sue them over my own stupidity. FML

#20602754
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40610) - you deserved it (11918)

On 04/18/2013 at 5:41pm - misc - by thanks, my fellow americans - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went to have a breast exam. The doc told me that she would touch different parts of my breasts, and said to tell her if at any point it felt painful. As she was examining me, I was going to say that it wasn't painful, but instead I blurted out, "It feels good." FML

#20630276
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46335) - you deserved it (11647)

On 04/29/2013 at 12:51pm - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, I met my boyfriend's family for the first time. We got on the subject of theatre, and his dad brought up "The Book of Mormon", how finally someone was making fun of those "nasty, polygamist, cultist freaks", and if his son ever dated one, he would disown him. I'm Mormon. FML

#20572732
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33249) - you deserved it (11580)

On 04/03/2013 at 1:48am - love - by kenabrookee - United States (California)

Today, while going down on my girlfriend, I finally managed to give her an orgasm. During that orgasm, she tore out a clump of my hair, causing me to scream in pain. She scowled and said, "Ah shut it, ya little bitch." FML

#20577693
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50227) - you deserved it (11507)

On 04/06/2013 at 3:13pm - intimacy - by dating walter white's gf apparently (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the store to buy oranges and pick up a pack of condoms. When we were at the checkout counter, my boyfriend happily told the cashier, "The only way we can have sex is if we squeeze oranges all over our bodies." FML

#20583013
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50458) - you deserved it (11398)

On 04/10/2013 at 12:28am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I agreed to go on a date with the creepy guy from my Economics class because I'm so broke that I could really use the free meal. FML

#20628307
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40223) - you deserved it (11293)

On 04/28/2013 at 6:24pm - love - by shameless - United States (Georgia)



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