Today, thinking my girlfriend had left her little black thong in the dryer to tease me, I sent her a picture of me seductively posing with it. She didn't text back, but a few hours later my 16 year old daughter asked if she'd left anything in the dryer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15870) - you deserved it (40230)
On 03/11/2013 at 5:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, I woke up to discover that the guy I hooked up with last night did indeed have a mullet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11258) - you deserved it (39117)
On 03/08/2013 at 1:01am - intimacy - by WeHitTurbulence (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was over at a friend's house feeding her cats while she was on vacation. After feeding the four of them, I found an extra cat under the sofa. Thinking it was an intruding stray, I kicked it out. She actually has 5 cats. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9324) - you deserved it (37996)
On 03/18/2013 at 5:17am - animals - by anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I asked my boyfriend to give me a back rub. He claimed that he had a sore hand, so I retorted, "You have two hands, right?" Still bitter about not being able to have sex with me while I'm on my period, he shot back, "You have two holes, right?" I give up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24521) - you deserved it (36999) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 03/11/2013 at 8:21pm - intimacy - by Lilypad (woman) - Sent from mobile version
Today, after getting a new haircut, I decided to take a few photos. I set up my iPhone in my room and began posing. It wasn't until numerous shots later that I realized my phone had posted every picture to Facebook, and they were all over everyone's newsfeed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13999) - you deserved it (36569)
On 03/26/2013 at 2:31pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (New York)
Today, my girlfriend was giving me head during the horror flick we were watching. Little did I know, my girlfriend isn't a big fan of horror films. It was during a sex scene that intensified the moment. The same sex scene from which emerged a sudden jump-scare. I now have bite marks on my penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19332) - you deserved it (35500)
On 03/17/2013 at 5:07am - intimacy - by Cliché... or Touché? -
Today, I was at the airport, when a lady came up and loudly asked if she could sit next to me. I have serious social issues, so to avoid having to talk to her, I pretended I was deaf and couldn't hear her. She immediately broke out her sign language skills. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11071) - you deserved it (32899)
On 03/10/2013 at 3:54pm - misc - by human lava lamp (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I finally got a tattoo of an alchemy symbol that I've wanted for years. I also found out later that symbol stands for urine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6841) - you deserved it (32873)
Today, I was taking a peaceful stroll in the local park when a curious turkey decided to follow me. Trying to shoo it away, I swung my leg at it, as if to fake kick it. Being the stupid animal it is, it decided to fly into my leg as I swung, causing my foot to connect to its neck. It died. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17265) - you deserved it (32613)
On 03/03/2013 at 9:40am - animals - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)
Today, after spending almost an hour in the dentist's waiting room, watching other people get called in for their appointments, I finally lost my patience and asked the receptionist what was taking so long. I'd forgotten to sign in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7452) - you deserved it (31120)
On 03/02/2013 at 1:32pm - misc - by oops (man) - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)
Today, I sent my girlfriend a text saying, "Your the best girlfriend any man could have, and I think I may be in love with you." Ten minutes later, she responded with, "*you're". FML
I agree, your life sucks (15821) - you deserved it (31108)
On 03/04/2013 at 12:01am - love - by DEATHBYEX1LE - Australia
Today, my boyfriend and I were on my bed when things started getting hot and it began to shake. My little sister called the entire family to the hall to listen to "the frogs in the wall". FML
I agree, your life sucks (14005) - you deserved it (30768)
On 03/10/2013 at 3:41am - intimacy - by lolk - United States (Arkansas)
Today, my sink seemed to be filling up with dirty water. Concerned, I turned on the garbage disposal and plunged away. With no change in the water levels, I called a plumber. He reached in, pulled out the drain plug, and give me his bill while chuckling to himself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8175) - you deserved it (29281)
On 03/19/2013 at 10:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Monday 20 May 2013
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