Today, I was reciting lines for a play that I'm in. It was going great, until I realized that I was actually reciting my scripted sales pitch from my telemarketing job. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17212) - you deserved it (5226)
On 03/06/2013 at 12:44am - misc - by sales ham (man) - United States
Today, I found out that my recurring acne is actually bedbug bites. I have wasted about a hundred dollars on acne cream. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27078) - you deserved it (5221)
On 03/18/2013 at 4:30pm - health - by thisentiretime... - United States (New Jersey)
Today, on Facebook, I mentioned that I'd just finished reading the novel Pet Sematary. Two hours later, I'd lost two friends and my boyfriend, after they commented "learn to spell, dumbass", "u illiterate fucker", and "well, I'm not dating you for your brains, am I?" I hate humanity. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26889) - you deserved it (5219)
On 03/22/2013 at 8:02pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)
Today, my boyfriend, whom I haven't heard from in a whole month, turned up at my door because it was apparently "steak and blowjob day." FML
I agree, your life sucks (35179) - you deserved it (5209)
On 03/14/2013 at 5:02am - intimacy - by howaboutno (woman) - United States
Today, my psycho abstinence-only sex ed teacher claimed condoms give 50% protection at most against pregnancy. I couldn't help but correct her. She apologized for her "mistake", saying, "It's just that we're not ALL sluts, Kara." Now everyone thinks I'm a raging whore. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34707) - you deserved it (5203)
On 03/22/2013 at 8:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I was hanging out with my best friend. Depressed, I started telling her about my terrible week. A woman came over and asked me to not be so "whiny and negative" in front of her children. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22191) - you deserved it (5169)
On 03/13/2013 at 2:52pm - misc - by marisacb (woman) - United States
Today, I got laid off. Walking out of the building, I saw someone on crutches and thought, "Hey, at least I can still walk." Two hours later, I blew out my knee playing basketball. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26467) - you deserved it (5162)
On 03/19/2013 at 9:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)
Today, while making love to my boyfriend for the first time, I moaned his name. He freaked out over how I wasn't over my ex, and angrily left. They have the same name. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43538) - you deserved it (5149)
On 03/23/2013 at 12:43am - intimacy - by nraecher (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my girlfriend decided we are to the point in our relationship that it's considered acceptable to take a dump while I'm in there showering. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26077) - you deserved it (5141)
On 03/17/2013 at 1:05am - love - by jisaac09 (man) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, my friend asked to borrow my new laptop to email his college professor. When he returned it, it had a virus on it, and I had to fish out two pubic hairs that were sticking out between the keys. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32293) - you deserved it (5124)
On 03/25/2013 at 2:25pm - misc - by grossed out - United Kingdom (Peterborough)
Today, it was raining heavily so I wore my black poncho as I walked to work. On the way there I noticed an old and seemingly homeless man following me. I turned around to confront him. He picked up a stick and screamed "Expecto Patronum!" Apparently I look like a dementor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25998) - you deserved it (5122)
On 03/24/2013 at 8:23pm - misc - by Anna L. - United States (Texas)
Today, while shaving my nether regions, I slipped and sliced myself in three separate places. They won't completely stop bleeding. I'm virtually having a second period, and it hurts to close my legs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26978) - you deserved it (4967)
On 03/22/2013 at 3:15pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Italy (Calabria)
Today, as always, I'm dating one of the few girls who, without fail, always finishes first when we get intimate. She's also one of those girlfriends who doesn't want to continue once she's done. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35083) - you deserved it (4895)
On 03/13/2013 at 3:51pm - intimacy - by WhyDoINeedAName - Canada (Alberta)
Monday 20 May 2013
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