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March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time. She's a screamer. Her dog must have thought I was attacking her, because he immediately came over and started savaging me. FML

#20562430
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50351) - you deserved it (5743)

On 03/27/2013 at 2:26pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was dancing with an incredibly sexy man at a club. He was grinding on me when he leaned over and said, "If I was straight, I would make you my queen." FML

#20548252
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40229) - you deserved it (5741)

On 03/17/2013 at 8:10pm - love - by noooooooo (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, while walking my dog at the park, I spotted my crush and said "Hi!" By not paying attention where I was going, I tripped and fell down. My dog started humping me. FML

#20544356
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39113) - you deserved it (5695)

On 03/15/2013 at 1:44am - misc - by fmlman - United States (Wyoming)

Today, while I was going down on my husband, our 3-year-old daughter woke up and started crying from the other room. He practically burst into tears too, whining that she was doing it on purpose to ruin his fun. He was serious. FML

#20544502
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49700) - you deserved it (5668)

On 03/15/2013 at 6:28am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was at a goodbye dinner with friends before I move back to America. A friend called to cry over relationship problems she refuses to fix. While I was outside trying to politely get off the phone, my friends ate and drank everything I'd ordered and closed the bill. FML

#20559208
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31497) - you deserved it (5602)

On 03/25/2013 at 9:13am - misc - by sorryyouweregone - Japan (Tokyo)

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and after a while, she moved her hand down to my crotch. She felt my erection, then got up and yelled at me, calling me a horny pig for "assuming we were going to have sex." FML

#20527203
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63750) - you deserved it (5587)

On 03/01/2013 at 5:54pm - intimacy - by sn-511 (man) - Italy (Campania)

Today, I had to help my little sister do a first-grade project for school. For one part, they have to draw a picture of their role model. She drew a whale, and I asked, "A whale is your role model?" She laughed and said, "No! It's you!" FML

#20532338
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36926) - you deserved it (5556)

On 03/05/2013 at 3:19pm - kids - by peace out - United States (South Carolina)

Today, while having sex with my husband, he went soft. When I asked him what happened he said, "I'm about to fall asleep." He then plopped down on my chest and began to snore. FML

#20536683
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42226) - you deserved it (5552)

On 03/09/2013 at 3:56am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was violently throwing up due to severe morning sickness. My boyfriend looked at me, then turned and walked away. In the end, my daughter gave me some paper towel and her juice. My 18-month-old is more supportive of my pregnancy than her 30-year-old father. FML

#20562509
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37904) - you deserved it (5546)

On 03/27/2013 at 3:34pm - misc - by InfamousLastWord (woman) - United States

Today, despite the fact of being together two years, and having a daughter, my fiancée still refuses to tell her parents about us. We're getting married in six months. FML

#20527880
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37059) - you deserved it (5536)

On 03/02/2013 at 8:31am - love - by OhNo - United States (Virginia)

Today, my fiancé had to perform his first prostate exam. He told me he was quite nervous about it, so I reminded him that he did fine on his first pelvic exam last month. His response: "Yeah, but I've had my hands up plenty of vaginas already." FML

#20540823
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35060) - you deserved it (5516)

On 03/12/2013 at 2:27pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found out that my picture from a dating profile was so "hilarious" that people have been posting it on Instagram with mean captions. FML

#20557606
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37350) - you deserved it (5477)

On 03/24/2013 at 4:59am - misc - by And I'm still single - United States (California)

Today, I came home from a relaxing, peaceful vacation. When I got home my 4-year-old son was free-balling with poop all over his body, screaming "Bob the Builder will kick your ass." The baby sitter is nowhere to be found and I can't get him to stop saying, "I love ass." FML

#20562056
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42164) - you deserved it (5453)

On 03/27/2013 at 4:00am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)



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