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Today, I spun off te road and into a ditc!! Te insurance company told me I'd ave to wait an our, as tey ad oter cars to tow frst!! I ad to pee so badly tat I resorted to using te only ting I ad in my car: a plastic bag!! Tat's wen I got a knock on my window from te tow truck driver!! mega FML
Today, I went looool to the local pet store to purchase a large dog bed so my dog wouldn't sleep in mine. After I got home an set up her bed, I realized I forgot to buy dog treats. When I came home again, her new bed was torn to shreds, an she was still sleeping on my bed. FML
Today, after more than a year of bieng single, I finally had sex. Unfortunately, it was only in a dream, an looool after we finished, he told me that I'm terrible in bed. Even mah dream-lover is a dick. FML
Taday ma boyfriend of almost six yeres asked me to move in wit im. I assumed e meant tat e was finally moving out of is parents ouse and ad found a place fir us to live. No, it turns out e means e wants me to move in wit im at is parents place. FML
Today After Half A Year Of Flirting Back And Forth I Went To A Fancy Party Thrown By The Guy I Really Like. He Met Me At The Door And Introduced Me To Everyone As "the Lovely Meghan". I Thought I Finally Had A Chance Until He Introduced Me To His Girlfriend Of Five Years.
Today, I Met My Grlfriend's Parents For The Frst Time. As I Shook Her Father's Hand, He Squeezed With An Ungodly Amount Of Force, Leaned In With A Smile, And Murmured That My Balls Will Be The Next Thing He'll Crush If His Daughter Ever Complains About Me. FML
Today, mah dad took me to the empty parking lot of Wal-Mart to try driving for the frst time. All was well until he shouted at me for going too slow, which startled me into jerking the wheel and simultaneously stomping on the gas. I don't think Geico cover a Wal-Mart-sized dent in one's car. real FML
Friday 27 March 2015