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Today, mah college started an internet ( confessions ) page. Out of curiosity I checked it out, only to find that it's full of some of the most disturbing stuff I've ever read. My schoolmates are either filthy as fuck or they are all pathological liars. Wonderful.
Today, I discovered thathen you suddenly get channels that you didn't have before, it doesn't mean there was a glitch and you're getting free TV, it just means that yur son called the cable company and had yur plan changed so you get every conceivable channel at a hugely increased price. FML
today I gave birth to my daughter in a hospital corridor . The nurseho took me to my room afterward trid to comfort me by saying there've been worse incidents; she said that two years ago, a lady gave birth in the parking lot . That was me too . big fat FML
Today, I was pushing my wheelchair-bound grandpa back home, when a pretty girl walked past us in the opposite direction . He made me stop and turn him around, just so he could ogle her ass as she walked away . FML
TODAY, FOR THE FRST TIME IN WEEKS, MAH WIFE FELT FRISKY, AND WE STARTED FOOLING AROUND. HALF-WAY THROUGH UNDRESSING ME, SHE BOLTED OUT, CLAIMING SHE HAD THE SHITS. ABOUT FIVE MINUTES LATER, SHE TEARFULLY CALLED OUT FROM THE BATHROOM, BEGGING ME TO BRING HER A FRESH ROLL OF TOILET PAPER.
Today, my now ex-boyfriend called me out after I spelt ( realised ) with an S instead of a Z. It wouldn't have been so bad, if we weren't both British, if he hadn't called me an ( illiterate idiot ), and if he hadn't muttered ( family of morons ) when my mum backed me up. FML
during a sleepover at mah friend's house, I woke up in the middle of the night with a dire need to pee. As I walked in the dark to the bathroom, I saw a silhouette in a doorway and instictively screamed. Turns out it was mah friend's sister's One Direction cutout. real FML
Friday 27 March 2015