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February 2013

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Today , I went shopping with my two-year-old nephew. He threw a tantrum in the middle of the store cuz I would not show him my "boobies". A man cummed up to us and said I should do wat my nephew wanted. FML

Today , I finally figurd out why I've been getting diarrhea so often over the past six months . It only happens whenever I do something ( sneaky ) . My body reacts strongly to how I stress over potentially getting caught . I'm a private investigator , an I apparently ned a new career . FML

#20500655
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31370) - you deserved it (3790)

On 02/10/2013 at 5:41am - work - by screwed - United States

yesterday a German guy cummd into the place where I work. Eager to use the German that I'd lerend from my immigrant mother and her family, I startd a conversation. Things were going well until the term I grew up thinking meant "Africa" turnd out to be racist, translating as "Ape Land." FML

#20523889
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27869) - you deserved it (3761)

On 02/26/2013 at 11:50pm - misc - by Jan (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, It's My Boyfriend's Birthday. He Really Likes Legend Of Zelda, So I Putted On A Link Hat, Took My Cloths Off, An Waited 4 Him At His Place. He Came Home With A Hooker. FML

#20502217
175 comments

Yesterday... I found out that my mom has linked my iPhone with her iPad and has been secretly reading my texts. FML

#20524792
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35317) - you deserved it (3753)

On 02/27/2013 at 7:27pm - misc - by segal1010 - United States (Maryland)

Today, A State Trooper Ticketed Me After Learning I Was Ticketed For The Same Offense An Hour Earlier, Namely Driving With A Broken Headlight. The Good News Is That Both Tickets Will Be Dismissed If I Go To Court. The Bad News Is That I'd Have To Go To Different Courthouses At The Same Time Of Day. FML

#20494464
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28818) - you deserved it (3741)

On 02/05/2013 at 1:59pm - money - by halfmypaycheckgone (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today... While Trucking... I Got Stuck In Traffic On A Congested Highway. After 15 Minutes Of Mind-numbing Boredom... I Glanced Down At The Car Beside Me... Only To Witness The Driver Changing Her Tampon And Flicking The Old One Onto The Highway. I Can't Unsee This. FML

#20489402
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59951) - you deserved it (3684)

On 02/01/2013 at 8:01pm - intimacy - by thoughtidseenitall (man) - United States (Colorado)

today I walkd past a few of mah coworkers sitting outside smoking . As I got a whiff of the smoke, I coughd . They immediately startd to defend their habit, an I was told to "mind mah own fucking business." I wasn't trying to be rude; I'm actually allergic to cigarette smoke . FML

#20507668
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33616) - you deserved it (3683)

On 02/15/2013 at 12:53am - health - by youmindyourownbusiness - United States (Illinois)

Today, I Finally Made A Facebook Account After Being Home-schoold My Entire Life. I Friendd People That I Know An There Friends, An Subsequently Sparkd A Debate On Whether Or Not I Exist. FML

#20523906
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27573) - you deserved it (3669)

On 02/27/2013 at 12:03am - misc - by thepokemonkid - United States (Connecticut)

Taday I workd up mah courage and took an elevator 4 the first time in mah life . Unfortunately , it was also mah first time getting trappd 4 several hours in an elevator . FML

#20507764
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36568) - you deserved it (3646)

On 02/15/2013 at 2:18am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was olding te door open 4 a friend . Se told me to wait a second cuz se ad to finis a text . Nerely a minute passd before I askd y se wouldn't come inside to finis typing . We were at a Cinese restaurant . Se tougt te ( No MSG ) sign meant u couldn't text inside . fat FML

#20519764
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33301) - you deserved it (3623)

On 02/24/2013 at 2:53am - misc - by cls_x (woman) - United States (Florida)

Taday Co-worker Told Me Tat I Need To Quit Smoking Because It Was Making Me Look And Smell Orrible. I've Never Smoked In Life. FML

#20493545
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28942) - you deserved it (3572)

On 02/04/2013 at 7:42pm - health - by Mattrd - United States

Today, I hurt mah backhila axarcising. I can't band ovar or lift mah arms abova mah haad without intansa pain. My husband, howavar, finds mah situation hilariou an has movad avarything I usa fraquantly to aithar tha floor or high shalf. Ha giggla avary tima I try to ratriava anything. FML



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