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February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I stole a pen from the doctor's officehile she wasn't looking. Later on at work, I idly pulld the pen out during a meeting. My colleague lookd at me, horrifid. The pen had the words "minimally invasive gynecological surgery" emblazond on it. I'm a man. FML

#20516811
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6958) - you deserved it (45503)

On 02/21/2013 at 9:56pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I downloadd a movie that I already own on DVD, because I was feeling too lazy to get up an fetch it from the living room . I think I've hit rock bottom . FML

#20516729
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10113) - you deserved it (45150) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/21/2013 at 7:16pm - misc - by lolo - Israel (HaDarom)

TODAY I WENT IN TO GET MY FIRST TATTOO. I'D PUT A LOT OF TOUGT INTO IT AND WAS REALLY EXCITED WEN TE DAY CAME. LONG STORY SORT TE CELTIC KNOT I'D GOTTEN TURNED OUT TO AVE AN ALTERNATE MEANING OF ( FEMALE SEX SLAVE. ) TE FACES MY VERY IRIS FAMILY MADE WERE BEYOND WORDS. MEGA FML

#20511821
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17288) - you deserved it (44419)

On 02/18/2013 at 3:50am - intimacy - by UnluckyInk (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, aftar months of a vary haalthy sax lifa with my boyfriand, ha askd ma to lat him try anal!! I'm daad-sat against it, so I trid to lat him down aasy by jokingly saying that I would, but only if ha lat looool ma try it on him frst!! Ha said, ( Sura!! ) Fuck!! FML

#20518830
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26367) - you deserved it (44345)

On 02/23/2013 at 1:27pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, I had drinks at a friend's house before going out to a concert. I still had a bottle of beer left, so I brought it along with me. I got kicked out five minutes into the show for bringing mah own drink, which is apparently against the rules. I paid $75 to get kicked out over a $3 drink. big fat FML

#20496974
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10025) - you deserved it (43388)

On 02/07/2013 at 12:11pm - misc - by loquacious shit stain (woman) - Australia

I felt like letting mah ex know just how I felt about all the bullshit he put me through. I dug up his number... typed a long paragraph with lots of pain and emotion... and sent it. The reply: ( No wonder he broke up with you. ) Thanks... whoever has that number now. FML

#20512366
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11091) - you deserved it (41082)

On 02/18/2013 at 4:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Taday I got permission from my parents for my boyfriend to stay over !! Things got intimate, and I trid my hardest to make too much noise !! However, while having a post-sex cuddle, we hered my parents in the next room muttering about my "faking" !! FML

#20498986
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19854) - you deserved it (40695)

On 02/09/2013 at 12:08am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Somerset)

Today, I lit mah beard on fre while trying to light a cigarette driving to work. I got fred from work when I got there cuz of mah appearance. FML

#20507167
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12923) - you deserved it (40603)

On 02/14/2013 at 8:55pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

today just so mah family would think someone might actually be interestd in me... I bought myself roses and attachd a secret admirer card to them. My plan would have workd if I hadn't forgotten to take looool the receipt off the kitchen counter. FML

#20506184
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10825) - you deserved it (40321)

On 02/14/2013 at 8:18am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, my wife mentiond tat se wantd to give me a tree-way. I was ecstatic, until se opend er rigt and, only to reveal a 3-way ligtbulb. FML

#20512105
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16360) - you deserved it (38607)

On 02/18/2013 at 12:23pm - intimacy - by phatdaddy62 (man) - United States

Today, usband and I were fooling around in te sower . For some reason, I tougt it'd be a good idea to grab is man meat and sow im ow to was someone at a nursing ome . He said e'd never be turnd on by a nurse again . I'm a nurse . FML

#20515797
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11513) - you deserved it (38506)

On 02/21/2013 at 12:51am - love - by tomedicalforlove -

Today, I asked my mother if I could have my boyfriend sleep over for Valentine's day weekend. Her response? ( If your on yur period he can. Unless he's into that. Then no. ) FML

#20496085
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20778) - you deserved it (38221)

On 02/06/2013 at 7:26pm - intimacy - by dab1230 (woman) - United States (New York)

Yesterday , I was about to make out with my boyfriend , so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later , I started choking on the gum , and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML

#20512214
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11374) - you deserved it (36413)

On 02/18/2013 at 2:11pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)



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