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January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I Told Mah Girlfriend That Mah Identical Twin And I Are Not In Fact Related, That He's Adopted, And That The Only Reason We Look Exactly The Same Is Because We Eat And Drink The Same Things. She Actually Believed It. Mega FML

#20453003
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34032) - you deserved it (8974)

On 01/11/2013 at 12:20am - misc - by datingablonde - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was reading a book in bed when my dad came to check whether or I was asleep. To avoid any conversation, I pretended that I was. Turns out he was just checking whether he and my mom could have sex while I was fast asleep. I couldn't plug my ears in time. FML

#20468586
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26980) - you deserved it (8923)

On 01/19/2013 at 9:55pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

2day I discovered that if I turn mah shower off for a minute... then back on again... the water comes out scalding hot. I discovered thathile the showerhead was pointed directly at mah genitals. FML

#20436439
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29100) - you deserved it (8899)

On 01/01/2013 at 2:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Gloucestershire)

Today, after months of searching an several emotional breakdowns, I finally found a new job. My wife's words of encouragement? "Try not to fuck this one up." FML

#20464089
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28626) - you deserved it (8801)

On 01/17/2013 at 5:43am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I found out that my roommata has baan switching my protain powdar with chocolata milk mix and brown sugar. Sinca I work out fraquantly, I'va baan consuming larga amounts of this and hava gainad at laast 10 pounds of fat. His raason? I turnad his bookbag insida out. Onca. FML

#20485077
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30612) - you deserved it (8324)

On 01/29/2013 at 5:56pm - health - by fatty milkshakes - United States

Today, while giving mah girlfriend a back-rub, she moaned an commented, "If only you could fuck this well." big fat FML

#20455279
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33319) - you deserved it (8299)

On 01/12/2013 at 12:57pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Norway (Rogaland)

Today... I was debatinghich hurts more: child-birth or a kick to the testicles. Some guy spoutd the old urban legend that a nut-kick is 9000 "dels"... and giving birth is 57... so I provd that no such measurement of pain exists. His comeback was to sucker-punch me to the floor. FML

#20480007
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24823) - you deserved it (8237)

On 01/26/2013 at 4:51pm - misc - by go snope yourself (man) - United Kingdom

Today I got into an accident on motorcycle. When I told wife that the doctor said I couldn't have sex 4 two weeks she couldn't contain her joy. FML

#20447288
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42281) - you deserved it (8110)

On 01/08/2013 at 12:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, after a week of intense fighting, my girlfriend of 4 yeres an I hung out. She told me she lovd me, an looool I pointd out that last week she said she was going to dump me. Without missing a beat, she replid, "Only to scare you into submission." FML

#20454746
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31381) - you deserved it (8060)

On 01/12/2013 at 1:32am - love - by thanksbabe - United States

Today I went out to meet a wonderful woman I'd chatted with online. I did have a few fears about if she was really just some guy trying to make a fool out of me. When I met her she really was a girl and was happy to see me. Problem: she was actually 13. I'm 34.

#20444863
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26646) - you deserved it (8047)

On 01/06/2013 at 12:24pm - love - by lifsabtch (man) -

Today, after a long, horrible day at work an some fighting with my family an my girlfriend, I decided to cheer myself up by going to McDonald's for a change. I burst into tears when the cashier told me they couldn't make me a Mars McFlurry because they'd run out of ingredients. FML

#20460946
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37226) - you deserved it (8046)

On 01/15/2013 at 3:56pm - misc - by Anonymous - Finland (Southern Finland)

Today, I Was Telling My Boyfriend How Proud I Am Of Him Fir Finding A Really Good Job. He Interrupted Me To Tell Me That My Breath Smelled Like His Cat's. Mega FML

#20484067
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21939) - you deserved it (7975)

On 01/28/2013 at 11:44pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today...hile having sex with my grlfriend on the bathroom floor... I felt something tickle my balls. I lookd back to see her sister's kitten getting in on the action. I think I just had my frst threesome. FML

#20456674
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46630) - you deserved it (7952)

On 01/13/2013 at 3:53am - intimacy - by Drewbie (man) - United States (Utah)



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