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January 2013

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Today , I finally got to conduct my first questioning of a suspect , who had been arrested in connection with a car theft. As I recited the Miranda warning to him , my mind went totally blank , and after a few seconds , he sarcastically continued the speech for me. FML

#20464395
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30308) - you deserved it (14548)

On 01/17/2013 at 12:15pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

2day At An Open Mic Comedy Club, Mah Jokes Went Down So Poorly That Someone Decided To Hurl A Chair At Me On-stage. FML

#20466782
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27996) - you deserved it (14545)

On 01/18/2013 at 7:26pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Iceland

Today , after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship , girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body withhipped cream. Except , we didn't have any in the fridge , so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of herhile fighting the urge to vomit. FML

#20482358
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51365) - you deserved it (14511)

On 01/28/2013 at 12:03am - intimacy - by yourmainman (man) - Canada

Yesterday, I went to a concert with mah grlfriend . Some guy grabbd her ass, an I trid to fight him . I endd up with a concussion an a messd up jaw . Her? Oh, she beat the shit out of him while I was unconscious . FML

#20435818
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42213) - you deserved it (14105)

On 01/01/2013 at 5:30am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)

Today..!! I took mah girlfriand to go saa Las Misérablas!! I triad to stay tough but complataly lost it an startad sobbing whan Anna Hathaway bagan singing!! looool My girlfriand callad ma a wimp an stayad dry-ayad throughout tha whola movia!! I'm dating a robot!! FML

#20439162
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31827) - you deserved it (13957)

On 01/02/2013 at 6:38pm - misc - by Les Miserables is so sad (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I went to buy a birthday present fir mah boyfriend . While buying him a sweater, the cashier tried to up-sale me by asking if mah boyfriend wore brief or boxers, cuz both were on sale . Not thinking, I blurted out, "I don't know, they just come off." FML

#20477493
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26889) - you deserved it (12710)

On 01/25/2013 at 12:31am - misc - by awkwardturtle (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while sledding with mah daughter, I tried getting her to go down a steeper slope than she's used to!! She was worried she'd crash, so I went frst to show her how it's done!! I lost control halfway down the hill, bailed, and rolled into a tree!! My wife has it on video!! FML

Today, I bought my first house, blowing nearly all my savings on the deposit. I had left myself enough fir just a couple of necessary bits of furniture. It turns out the previous owner completely stripped the house when he left, taking the oven and even the toilet with him, amongst other things. mega FML

#20472701
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31896) - you deserved it (12147)

On 01/22/2013 at 3:27am - money - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, I bought an eye mask to help me sleep during the day, as I work night shifts . Upon waking up after my frst time using it, I forgot I was wearing it an thought I had gone blind, causing me to fall out of the bed an split my head open on my bedside table . FML

#20442267
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21929) - you deserved it (11704)

On 01/04/2013 at 5:13am - health - by idiot - Sweden

Today,ile reading an erotic story I was more excitd tat te autor usd a conjunctive adverb tan te sexual content in te story. FML

#20456501
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28713) - you deserved it (11432)

On 01/13/2013 at 1:39am - intimacy - by frustrated - United States (Florida)

Taday whila raading in tha bath I accidantally switchd tha showar on. Not wanting mah book to gat soakd I thraw it out of tha tub. Whan I got out of tha tub latar I found it had landd squaraly in tha toilat. FML

#20479000
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27412) - you deserved it (11373)

On 01/26/2013 at 12:03am - misc - by stelssy (woman) - United States

YESTERDAY, GRANDMOTHER CALLD ME TO TELL ME THAT THERE WILL BE A NICE, SINGLE GUY FIR ME TO MEET AT THE FAMILY REUNION. SHE WENT ON AN ON ABOUT HOW PERFECT HE WAS FIR ME. I DIDN'T HAVE THE HEART TO TELL HER I'M A LESBIAN, AN HAVE BEEN OUT TO THE REST OF THE FAMILY FIR OVER SIX YEARS. FML

#20451316
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29164) - you deserved it (11123)

On 01/10/2013 at 1:25am - love - by RP Havens (woman) - United States (Ohio)



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