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January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, after months of searching and several emotional breakdowns, I finally found a new job. My wife's words of encouragement? "Try not to fuck this one up." FML

#20464089
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26036) - you deserved it (8407)

On 01/17/2013 at 5:43am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, after I finally laid down from a long day and was about to fall asleep, I realized I forgot to set my alarm. I don't own an alarm clock and my alarm is on my phone. Which was in my car. I live on 15th floor of an apartment building and our parking garage is across the street. FML

#20439908
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27989) - you deserved it (8323)

On 01/03/2013 at 12:02am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I discovered that if I turn my shower off for a minute, then back on again, the water comes out scalding hot. I discovered that while the showerhead was pointed directly at my genitals. FML

#20436439
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24533) - you deserved it (8031)

On 01/01/2013 at 2:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Gloucestershire)

Today, I found out that my roommate has been switching my protein powder with chocolate milk mix and brown sugar. Since I work out frequently, I've been consuming large amounts of this and have gained at least 10 pounds of fat. His reason? I turned his bookbag inside out. Once. FML

#20485077
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28783) - you deserved it (8030)

On 01/29/2013 at 5:56pm - health - by fatty milkshakes - United States

Today, while giving my girlfriend a back-rub, she moaned and commented, "If only you could fuck this well." FML

#20455279
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30781) - you deserved it (7938)

On 01/12/2013 at 12:57pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Norway (Rogaland)

Today, I was telling my boyfriend how proud I am of him for finding a really good job. He interrupted me to tell me that my breath smelled like his cat's. FML

#20484067
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21513) - you deserved it (7908)

On 01/28/2013 at 11:44pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was debating which hurts more: child-birth or a kick to the testicles. Some guy spouted the old urban legend that a nut-kick is 9000 "dels", and giving birth is 57, so I proved that no such measurement of pain exists. His comeback was to sucker-punch me to the floor. FML

#20480007
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22104) - you deserved it (7763)

On 01/26/2013 at 4:51pm - misc - by go snope yourself (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I got into an accident on my motorcycle. When I told my wife that the doctor said I couldn't have sex for two weeks, she couldn't contain her joy. FML

#20447288
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39519) - you deserved it (7742)

On 01/08/2013 at 12:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend on the bathroom floor, I felt something tickle my balls. I looked back to see her sister's kitten getting in on the action. I think I just had my first threesome. FML

#20456674
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44959) - you deserved it (7739)

On 01/13/2013 at 3:53am - intimacy - by Drewbie (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, after making love to my boyfriend for the first time, he shook my hand and said, "Good job." FML

#20481657
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36761) - you deserved it (7574)

On 01/27/2013 at 5:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, after a long, horrible day at work and some fighting with my family and my girlfriend, I decided to cheer myself up by going to McDonald's for a change. I burst into tears when the cashier told me they couldn't make me a Mars McFlurry because they'd run out of ingredients. FML

#20460946
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33881) - you deserved it (7574)

On 01/15/2013 at 3:56pm - misc - by Anonymous - Finland (Southern Finland)

Today, when I got home I noticed a statue of a gnome sitting next to the door. I've had an intense phobia of gnomes since I was a child, and I can't bring myself to walk past it. It's been half an hour and I'm still standing outside. I can see my dad through the window laughing and waving. FML

Today, my mum excitedly discussed with me the prospect of starting a mother-son YouTube duo. Thinking she was joking, I went along with it. She is now installing a 24-hour webcam in the house to record our conversations, which she perceives as hilarious, and is going to upload them. FML

#20458570
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30323) - you deserved it (7397)

On 01/14/2013 at 5:06am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)



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