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January 2013

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Today, I learned my dog had eaten a roll of vet wrap, which is like a long strip of bandage. I learned this when she tried to pass it in the yard today, and could only do so with my help. It seemed to never end. FML

by Anonymous / 01/24/2013 at 7:28pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, I waited over an hour for my bus. As I finally saw it approaching, I reached into my purse to grab my ticket. The lady next to me then gave the driver a hand signal to keep driving. FML

by Anonymous / 01/10/2013 at 1:13am / Canada (British Columbia) / Transportation

Today, the lead singer of the band I recently joined blatantly admitted to a fan that the only reason he let me in was because I'm "so fuckin' ugly" that I make the rest of them look "ten times better" in comparison. FML

by sad drummer / 01/17/2013 at 3:50pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my mom we get Monday off due to Martin Luther King Jr. day. She then insisted that I had to go to school because that is "only for black people." FML

by Sydney / 01/15/2013 at 6:16pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was cleaning at work when an elderly gentleman walked towards me, paused, and with a wink said, "That's what I like to see: a girl on her knees." This is the same workplace where another old man informed me that my yellow uniform made me look like a "suggestive cheesecake." FML

by Job Seeking / 01/22/2013 at 6:14am / Australia (Victoria) / Work

Today, my boyfriend came over for a family brunch, during which he told my mother, in vivid detail, how he gets the shits whenever he eats kale chips. FML

by shitty situation / 01/28/2013 at 6:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, an elderly gentleman came into my store complaining of a toothache, so I showed him where the Orajel was located. He then insisted on making a big scene, claiming that I really had the magic touch and if I would just stroke his cheek all his pain would go away. FML

by lifebecrazed / 01/17/2013 at 11:57am / Work

Today, my dad and his new wife got their wedding pictures done. Out of over 150 pictures, I was only in one. The family dog was in all of them. In the one picture of me, I was holding the dog's leash while he took a dump. FML

by puppydrama / 01/30/2013 at 4:05pm / United States / Animals

Today, I have severe back pain that is only relieved by lying flat on my bed. I also have acid reflux that is only prevented by sitting straight up. FML

by Kftc88 / 01/11/2013 at 3:03am / United States (California) / Health

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me at my grandma's funeral. FML

by good job bf / 01/10/2013 at 11:06pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, when I asked my boss why my bonus was cut in half, he replied, "I have no idea what you really do." I'm the IT Manager. FML

by Anon / 01/18/2013 at 12:53am / United States (Texas) / Money

Today, I found out my best friend has been stealing hundreds of dollars from me and my fiancé. My wedding is tomorrow morning. Guess who my best man is. FML

by weddingsalwayssuck / 01/28/2013 at 4:01pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, after hours of trying to put a screaming baby to sleep, she finally fell asleep in my arms. I was so happy. Then, I got the hiccups. FML

by hiccups / 01/13/2013 at 1:15am / United States (Connecticut) / Kids