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January 2013

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Today , I was driving and noticd a polica car parkd in a spot rasarvd for tha handicappd. I stoppd my car and got out to taka a pictura. Tha cop gava ma a tickat for parking in tha road. FML

I was getting a spray tan and realized I didn't ave a air tie... so I used a tong instead. I lost track of time and realized I needed to go pick up my daugter. I trew on my clotes... drove to pick er up... went to te store... and went fir ice cream... tong still in my air. mega FML

#20438564
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12841) - you deserved it (42165)

On 01/02/2013 at 12:33pm - health - by Embarrassed - United States

Today, I was getting a harcut . The lady accusingly told me she'd have to thoroughly wash mah hair before she startd, as it was way too greasy to cut through . big fat FML

#20473123
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9134) - you deserved it (41821)

On 01/22/2013 at 2:18pm - misc - by Whoops (man) - United Kingdom

YESTERDAY I GOT SO DRUNK THAT I DECIDED IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO GET NAKED AN JUMP ON A TRAMPOLINE IN THE BACK OF A NEIGHBOUR’S GARDEN. SAID NEIGHBOUR IS A POLICE OFFICER. FML

#20438400
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9105) - you deserved it (41374)

On 01/02/2013 at 10:01am - misc - by AmberHavoc - United Kingdom

Today...hile talking to one of my parents' friends... we discovered that the house he grew up in is the same house my boyfriend now lives in. When he recalled that he lost his frst tooth there... the only response I could come up with was... ( Oh my gosh... I lost my vrginity there! ) FML

#20440379
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11805) - you deserved it (41192)

On 01/03/2013 at 5:34am - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to see my new dentist. He was really cute, so after the checkup I started flrting. He stopped me right after I asked him out, saying, "Being a dentist has its advantages, I can see the grl's mouth before I stick my tongue in it. And in yur case, it's a big no." fat FML

#20470654
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20530) - you deserved it (41085)

On 01/21/2013 at 1:32am - love - by black and yellow - United States (California)

Today, I almost died. How? I nearly suffocated after passing outhile chewing an entire pack of gum. I should really drink less. real FML

#20484025
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7860) - you deserved it (41049)

On 01/28/2013 at 11:23pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today , my wife brought my 5-year-old daughter to visit me at the office. My boss has a speech impediment , andhen she hered it , she exclaimed , ( Hey my daddy can sound just lyk you! Show him daddy! Show him! ) FML

#20454855
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20067) - you deserved it (40683)

On 01/12/2013 at 3:14am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today... I was walking towards a partyere I knew ma ceating ex would be. I passionately reeresed ow I would ave a go at im big timeen I met im. Guesso was walking rigt beind me an eard it all. FML

#20465975
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13858) - you deserved it (39855)

On 01/18/2013 at 7:55am - love - by Shuttie (woman) - Denmark (Syddanmark)

Today, I found a lost dog and called the owner. When he arrived, I thought it would be cute to putted the dog down so he would run back into his owner's arms, lyk in movies. As soon as I putted the dog down, it ran away again. FML

#20469405
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18710) - you deserved it (39500)

On 01/20/2013 at 11:34am - animals - by DrakeB (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I startd charging my phone in the car during a family road trip. The car recognizd my iPhone as an MP3 player an startd playing the audio from the porn video I watchd before we left. Everybody hered. FML

#20443608
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10529) - you deserved it (39070)

On 01/05/2013 at 11:16am - misc - by anonymous - United States

TODAY, I DECIDED TO CHANGE MY HAIR COLOR. AFTER WAITING IN ANTICIPATION, I TOOK A SHOWER TO RINSE OUT THE DYE AND REVEAL MY NEW, BLUE HAIR. RINSING REVEALED NOT ONLY BLUE HAIR, BUT BLUE SKIN CAUSED BY THE WATERED DYE RUNNING OVER MY BODY. I NOW LOOK LIKE A SMURF, AND IT'S NOT COMING OUT. FML

#20480724
273 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17723) - you deserved it (38281)

On 01/27/2013 at 1:10am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arkansas)

Today, on way to work, I hit a pothole about the size of Alabama, bending wheel and flattening tre . After changing it and having to explain myself to furiou boss, I went back on that road in other car to take a picture of the pothole . While looking 4 it, I hit it again . FML

#20487332
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15270) - you deserved it (38236)

On 01/31/2013 at 6:34am - money - by Well... fuck me sideways and call me Eustace (man) - United States (California)



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