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January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad for the first time. His shirt said "D.A.D.D, Dads Against Daughters Dating, shoot the first one and word will spread". FML

#20480699
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28841) - you deserved it (3048)

On 01/27/2013 at 12:57am - love - by pdub523 - United States (Texas)

Today, I was driving my 9 month pregnant sister around in our golf cart and it died. I had to push it the rest of the way home. She wouldn't stop faking going into labor. FML

#20477938
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24254) - you deserved it (3039)

On 01/25/2013 at 10:49am - misc - by really?!? - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went on a run with my crush. She expressed how happy she was to have a decent running partner, because the last one kept complaining he thought he might throw up. We got to the top of the hill and I puked right in front of her. FML

#20463224
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26903) - you deserved it (2958)

On 01/16/2013 at 7:53pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Hawaii)

Today, my girlfriend came back from visiting her family. She'd forgotten to take her pills, and decided to "catch up" by taking almost a week's worth of birth control and prescription pills. She's fine, but I had to convince the ER staff that she's not suicidal, just stupid. FML

#20462590
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34695) - you deserved it (2955)

On 01/16/2013 at 1:26pm - health - by SF49 - United States

Today, I opened the door to go out for groceries. Lying on my doorstep was a pile of poop. A piece of paper was taped to the ground beside it that read, "Do it again and you'll get more than dog shit." I don't have the slightest clue who I pissed off, or how. FML

#20455625
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29492) - you deserved it (2934)

On 01/12/2013 at 5:02pm - misc - by fucking mafia or what?? (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend tried to hypnotize me into breaking up with him. FML

#20485216
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27960) - you deserved it (2913)

On 01/29/2013 at 7:28pm - love - by theawfulpresent (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, someone broke into my car by smashing the driver's side window. I'd be less irritated if they had just used the door handle; the lock has been broken for years. FML

#20467580
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26666) - you deserved it (2902)

On 01/19/2013 at 8:14am - money - by Perplexed - United States (South Dakota)

Today, my wife is pregnant and sick. She switches from sobbing she's sorry for that, to blaming me for "doing this to me." On top of that, I have half her symptoms now: throwing up and crying for no reason. This will be a long 9 months. FML

#20443596
153 comments

Today, my little sister asked me to open a jar of pickles for her. I struggled a little until the lid busted open, and pickle juice poured over my pocket and the iPhone inside. My sister then sniffed the jar, made a disgusted face, and ran out. FML

#20444015
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15471) - you deserved it (2864)

On 01/05/2013 at 7:06pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, my mother came back from her trip to Vegas. Her breasts were obviously 2 letter sizes larger. I asked if she got a boob job and she denied it, saying that it's against her religion. She's an atheist, and a liar. FML

#20460160
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30551) - you deserved it (2854)

On 01/15/2013 at 12:45am - misc - by Brooke - United States (California)

Today, my boss called me over to his office; he wanted me to fire four hardworking employees. One of them was the girl I was going to ask out. FML

#20447887
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35563) - you deserved it (2840)

On 01/08/2013 at 11:40am - work - by AnonUser464 (man) - United States

Today, I went on a first date with the guy I really like. During our dinner, he said he needed to go to the bathroom. You guessed it: he didn't come back. FML

#20438667
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31146) - you deserved it (2822)

On 01/02/2013 at 1:59pm - love - by great. -

Today, I was at a café with my friends when an elderly man noticed my dimples. He came up to me, stroked them while whispering, "One in a million" then walked out. Now my friends do this to me constantly, even while driving home. I almost hit a tree. FML

#20440419
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30897) - you deserved it (2798)

On 01/03/2013 at 6:35am - misc - by Dimples (woman) - United States (Florida)



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