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January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my girlfriend returned home from a several week vacation with family. Instead of a happy reunion, I was terribly emasculated, publicly, for bringing flowers that "weren't as pretty as all the other couples' in baggage claim." FML

#20458802
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35730) - you deserved it (3433)

On 01/14/2013 at 10:47am - misc - by badenoughflowers - United States (Texas)

Today, I went on a first date with the guy I really like. During our dinner, he said he needed to go to the bathroom. You guessed it: he didn't come back. FML

#20438667
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38272) - you deserved it (3415)

On 01/02/2013 at 1:59pm - love - by great. -

Today, my mother came back from her trip to Vegas. Her breasts were obviously 2 letter sizes larger. I asked if she got a boob job and she denied it, saying that it's against her religion. She's an atheist, and a liar. FML

#20460160
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37550) - you deserved it (3395)

On 01/15/2013 at 12:45am - misc - by Brooke - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my sleep-walking is so bad that I regularly text my friend while I sleep. I have no idea how many times this has happened. FML

#20455938
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27012) - you deserved it (3364)

On 01/12/2013 at 8:30pm - health - by I'm screwed - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I made a new friend: the cricket the doctor pulled out of my ear canal. FML

#20479072
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34632) - you deserved it (3339)

On 01/26/2013 at 12:53am - animals - by Ear Invasion - United States (New Mexico)

Today, while making dinner I cut my finger badly with a knife. When I yelled for my dad to drive me to the hospital, he accused me of lying to get attention. He had to taste my blood before he decided it wasn't red-colored corn syrup. FML

#20458321
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38035) - you deserved it (3319)

On 01/14/2013 at 12:52am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend tried to hypnotize me into breaking up with him. FML

#20485216
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32725) - you deserved it (3316)

On 01/29/2013 at 7:28pm - love - by theawfulpresent (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, someone broke into my car by smashing the driver's side window. I'd be less irritated if they had just used the door handle; the lock has been broken for years. FML

#20467580
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31523) - you deserved it (3311)

On 01/19/2013 at 8:14am - money - by Perplexed - United States (South Dakota)

Today, I opened the door to go out for groceries. Lying on my doorstep was a pile of poop. A piece of paper was taped to the ground beside it that read, "Do it again and you'll get more than dog shit." I don't have the slightest clue who I pissed off, or how. FML

#20455625
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34163) - you deserved it (3310)

On 01/12/2013 at 5:02pm - misc - by fucking mafia or what?? (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had to slowly explain to my son that an "analogy" is a literary device, not a genre of porn. FML

#20481338
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30027) - you deserved it (3294)

On 01/27/2013 at 1:50pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was at a café with my friends when an elderly man noticed my dimples. He came up to me, stroked them while whispering, "One in a million" then walked out. Now my friends do this to me constantly, even while driving home. I almost hit a tree. FML

#20440419
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36598) - you deserved it (3290)

On 01/03/2013 at 6:35am - misc - by Dimples (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend gave me lingerie from Victoria's Secret. He then added that his mother picked it out. FML

#20459473
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31895) - you deserved it (3284)

On 01/14/2013 at 7:21pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Newfoundland)

Today, I went to the grocery store with my boyfriend. I wasn't feeling well so I wasn't paying too much attention to his usual antics. Since he thought I was ignoring him, he decided to grab me roughly by the stomach to give me a hug. I ended up puking right in the middle of the aisle. FML

#20484554
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32499) - you deserved it (3261)

On 01/29/2013 at 9:51am - health - by oh no (woman) - Canada (Quebec)



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