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January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I finally got to conduct my first questioning of a suspect, who had been arrested in connection with a car theft. As I recited the Miranda warning to him, my mind went totally blank, and after a few seconds, he sarcastically continued the speech for me. FML

#20464395
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30212) - you deserved it (14517)

On 01/17/2013 at 12:15pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, at an open mic comedy club, my jokes went down so poorly that someone decided to hurl a chair at me on-stage. FML

#20466782
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26506) - you deserved it (14121)

On 01/18/2013 at 7:26pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Iceland

Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML

#20482358
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49348) - you deserved it (13941)

On 01/28/2013 at 12:03am - intimacy - by yourmainman (man) - Canada

Today, I went to a concert with my girlfriend. Some guy grabbed her ass, and I tried to fight him. I ended up with a concussion and a messed up jaw. Her? Oh, she beat the shit out of him while I was unconscious. FML

#20435818
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40318) - you deserved it (13551)

On 01/01/2013 at 5:30am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)

Today, I took my girlfriend to go see Les Misérables. I tried to stay tough but completely lost it and started sobbing when Anne Hathaway began singing. My girlfriend called me a wimp and stayed dry-eyed throughout the whole movie. I'm dating a robot. FML

#20439162
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30718) - you deserved it (13548)

On 01/02/2013 at 6:38pm - misc - by Les Miserables is so sad (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while sledding with my daughter, I tried getting her to go down a steeper slope than she's used to. She was worried she'd crash, so I went first to show her how it's done. I lost control halfway down the hill, bailed, and rolled into a tree. My wife has it on video. FML

Today, I went to buy a birthday present for my boyfriend. While buying him a sweater, the cashier tried to up-sale me by asking if my boyfriend wore briefs or boxers, because both were on sale. Not thinking, I blurted out, "I don't know, they just come off." FML

#20477493
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25704) - you deserved it (12355)

On 01/25/2013 at 12:31am - misc - by awkwardturtle (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I bought my first house, blowing nearly all my savings on the deposit. I had left myself enough for just a couple of necessary bits of furniture. It turns out the previous owner completely stripped the house when he left, taking the oven and even the toilet with him, amongst other things. FML

#20472701
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30877) - you deserved it (11835)

On 01/22/2013 at 3:27am - money - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, I bought an eye mask to help me sleep during the day, as I work night shifts. Upon waking up after my first time using it, I forgot I was wearing it and thought I had gone blind, causing me to fall out of the bed and split my head open on my bedside table. FML

#20442267
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20952) - you deserved it (11354)

On 01/04/2013 at 5:13am - health - by idiot - Sweden

Today, while reading in the bath, I accidentally switched the shower on. Not wanting my book to get soaked, I threw it out of the tub. When I got out of the tub later, I found it had landed squarely in the toilet. FML

#20479000
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27309) - you deserved it (11347)

On 01/26/2013 at 12:03am - misc - by stelssy (woman) - United States

Today, while reading an erotic story I was more excited that the author used a conjunctive adverb than the sexual content in the story. FML

#20456501
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27863) - you deserved it (11177)

On 01/13/2013 at 1:39am - intimacy - by frustrated - United States (Florida)

Today, my grandmother called me to tell me that there will be a nice, single guy for me to meet at the family reunion. She went on and on about how perfect he was for me. I didn't have the heart to tell her I'm a lesbian, and have been out to the rest of the family for over six years. FML

#20451316
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29067) - you deserved it (11103)

On 01/10/2013 at 1:25am - love - by RP Havens (woman) - United States (Ohio)



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