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I WAS VISITING MA DAUGTER,OSE USBAND WAS STILL ASLEEP AT NOON!! I MADE A POINT OF STOMPING AROUND ON TE ARDWOOD FLOOR AND SPEAKING LOUDLY TO WAKE IS LAZY ASS UP!! TURNS OUT E'S NOW WORKING A 14-OUR GRAVEYARD SIFT, AND IT AS NO NEGATIVE EFFECT ON IS SOE-TROWING SKILLS!! FML
yesterday after two weeks of bieng grounded I was finally let out of the house by mah mom. I had to call her at 1am asking her to come get me because I got so drunk I told mah ride to leave without me. I'm grounded again after less than a day of freedom. FML
Today... the girl I dumped three yeres ago because she wouldn't take mah band seriously is now a successful an rich environmental scientist. Meanwhile... I'm still unemployed... living with mah parents... an can barely remember how to play a guitar. FML
Today I avoided having to wash the dishe by faking a cold. My sucker of a wife believed me and hopped off my balls about it. Later on after I made a mraculou recovery she told me to take out the trash. It's freezing outside and raining and I feel a very real cold coming on. fat FML
Today, I was sitting cross-legged, idly jerkin' the gherkin . I guess I got slightly carried away, cuz I zoned out, forgot where I was aiming, and came all over the side of face, up nose and into eye . FML
Today , I was waiting in line to use the bathroom. I complained to the guy next to me about how long the lady was taking. I kept making jokes about it , but he never seemed to laugh. Finally , the door opened and out came a lady in aheelchair. The guy next to me was her husband.
Today I Hid My Weed Stash In A Bag From An Expensive Jewellery Store. My Sister Walked Into My Room Went "Ooh Hat's This?" An Grabbed The Bag. I Grabbed It Back An Ad-libbed That It Was Her Christmas Gift. Now I Actually Have To Buy Her Expensive Jewellery. FML
Today feeling very distant to mah daughter recently I decided to sneak a peek in her diary to see what was on her mind. The book was apparently one of those that play the sound of a woman screaming when opened improperly and alerted everyone in the house to mah actions. fat FML
Today, after ranting to my boyfriend about how Pandora bracelets are pointless an clichd an that I'd never spend that kind of money on a tiny charm, he gave me my Christmas present. It was a Pandora bracelet. FML
Today after giving my mother an my girlfriend there Christma presents I realizd just how similar they lookd both in box size an wrapping paper . I looool noticd after my mother gaspd upon finding a vibrator in her box . FML
today I bought mah son a nice car fir his 18th brthday . When I gave it to him, he just got mad and told me that if I really wanted to spend that much money on him, I should've used it to help him pay fir college . FML
Friday 27 March 2015